Carousel
by Gemmadog
Summary: Time goes on in both Charles and Molly's separate lives. So many things have changed, so many new things have been experienced. This is both their stories ten years after their divorce.
1. Chapter 1

**Carousel**

 **Chapter 1**

She knew seeing him again after ten years would be hard. She had prepared herself; it was something that she just had to do. She drew on every ounce of courage that she had to be there today. Had shunned friend's offers to go with her, she did it all on her own as usual. 

Quietly she slipped into the back of the church and instantly saw him standing at the front, alongside his father and a young man she presumed was Sam. His broad shoulders, a mop of controlled curly hair recognisable even after all these years. Georgie was there too, perfectly dressed in black. Molly would have been surprised if she hadn't been there with him, to support him, but was surprised that she wasn't stood next to him. Instead she was a few rows back, amongst faces she really didn't recognise anymore. She imagined it was due to all the first rows being stuffed full of Charles' many aunts and cousins. All wanting to support Edward, and his family on this sad day. 

Elizabeth had been a wonderful woman, wonderful friend, mum, wife, sister, auntie and they were all here to say good bye to her. Molly too, it was the least she could do for the woman who had always made her feel so welcome. They had become friends, not just people who had been related through marriage, and even though her and Charles had not spoken since that night over ten years ago she had still stayed in touch with both of his parents. Occasionally visiting them when safe, birthdays and Christmas times they always sent cards to each other. Both parents loved a good gossip over a cuppa, shared their news about each other, but never any news about Charles. Molly was certain too that as little she knew about Charles from them, he equally knew little or nothing about her from them. 

It was a surprise then the day she received a letter from him. She knew his hand writing instantly. It was a pattern she scanned for in all the mail drops when on tour. Back in the days when she was desperate to hear from him. Back in the days when she believed in them, when her heart fluttered at the sight of his writing. So to see a letter in his hand writing again suddenly drop through her letter box, she was instantly on alert, and a little bit surprised to find her heart still fluttered. 

The news was sad, his mother had not been strong enough to write so had asked him to do so. One of her many last wishes. He couldn't say no. Elizabeth was dying, her time was very short and had wished to see Molly one last time, to say good bye. So as hard as it may have been to see Charles again she knew she had to visit Elizabeth, agree to this last wish she had, and so she made her plans to visit her ex mother in law. 

It was only to be expected but it was a difficult and hard visit for all. These two old friends wishing, belatedly, that they had seen more of each other over the years and had shared more laughs now that one of them had only a short amount of time left. Elizabeth had always had a special spot for Molly, she had been so happy when her and Charles had married. To her, Molly was, despite different backgrounds the perfect choice for her son. So when the split came she took the news very badly. She made it very clear from the beginning that she did not agree with Charles, with what he had done. Elizabeth was angry and ashamed of him. It had even broken the mother/ son relationship for a while, as she was always firmly on Molly's side. 

Molly thought that if the actual visit had been hard, it was nothing compared to saying goodbye at the end of it. That final look, that final touch before leaving her propped up in bed ripped at Molly's heart. Knowing that never again would she see this amazing lady. Thankful though that no matter how hard it was she at least hadn't bumped into Charles or Georgie. 

Surprisingly it was only a few days later that the next letter dropped through her letter box, from Charles, telling her sadly of his mother's death. A letter seemed such a cold way to be told the news, but she guessed it was maybe too difficult for him to call her, so she appreciated the letter in the manner in which it was written in. He had thoughtfully included all the details of the funeral, and so Molly knew she would attend. 

It was a cold and dull day at the start of a long winter. The church was full of Elizabeth's friends and family. Many of them seemed to have recognised Molly but were unsure as to the etiquette in acknowledging her in such a situation. So as she slipped in to the back of the church she felt very nervous as well as alone and uncomfortable, repeating to herself that she needed to be there to say good bye to Elizabeth, her friend. 

The service was warm and welcoming. Both Sam and Charles did their matriarch proud in their readings and speeches. As he approached the pulpit she knew it was definitely Sam. He'd grown up into a fine young gentleman. A credit to his father, and she guessed Rebecca too. He read with emotion, but held himself straight and in control. Elizabeth would have beamed with happiness at his performance. 

When Charles' turn came and he entered the pulpit her eyes were instantly draw to look at him. He had aged evidence of flecks of grey in his curls, a few lines crossed his brows, but he still remained stunning to behold. She had hoped seeing him wouldn't have any effect on her but she found that despite the ten years absence from his life he still had a magnetism that compelled her to look. He too walked straight and tall. Touchingly his hand rested briefly on his Mum's coffin as he past her by, he'd hung his head low in silent words of sorrow. It took him several moments to compose himself before he started to talk about the lady they all were there to celebrate and they all loved. As he began though, briefly, ever so briefly, despite the fact she was hidden right at the back of the church, he looked for her and found her. Their eyes locked and despite the occasion a flicker of a smile on his face made its way across. Molly didn't react. 

Charles talked about his mother with love and regret, entertaining all with her lust for life. He told happy tales of her life as a wife, mother and grandmother, bringing the congregation to smile and laugh at the stories he told of her fun loving nature. He in particular recounted a hilarious time when both Molly and his Mum had over indulged in a gin tasting day and ended up being too drunk to come home that night. Both having to apologise to their husbands on the phone, both blaming each other for the inebriated state they were in, and both having to spend the weekend in a hotel together. He added his mother and Molly never touched gin for years after that weekend. As everyone laughed at the tale it surprised Molly that he had singled her out in the eulogy, she wondered how Georgie felt about that. As he told the tale his eyes never left hers and he finished with a large auditable sigh. Most thought he was sighing about the loss of his mother, but some others knew differently. She saw both Georgie and his father turn around to scan the crowds to see where Charles was focusing on. Edward didn't see her, but Georgie sort her out and successfully found her. Eyes steely locked on to each other's. The pair of them neither acknowledged nor ignored the other. This Molly counselled herself was not the place; it was not the place to settle the past. 

As the service came to a close Molly desperately tried to skip away unnoticed. That had been her intention all along. However the tradition of following the coffin out row by row meant that she was one of the very last to leave the church and greet the family. By the time though she had hung back until the very end and was able to exit, they were all getting in to the cars to leave for the crematorium. 

She set off down the path, alone, wiping away the tears for a friend and great woman. She had dreaded this day, fearful of being confronted by the two people who broke her heart. So it was also with relief that she made her way to the car. She had talked to no one, had not had to explain her presence, and more importantly hadn't had to face Charles and Georgie. Something that she had constantly strived and succeeded to do in the past ten years. 

She heard footsteps as she opened the car door. Speeding up her actions. Desperate to make a clean get away. 

"Molly. Wait. Please wait." 

She had to turn round. She knew the voice. Her insides froze over, but this was his mother's funeral, for Elizabeth's sake she had to be decent.

Turning she found him standing close. 

"Charles." Her first verbal words to him for such a long time. Their break up, his betrayal, their divorce all done by third parties, letters or text. She hadn't seen him since that day in Warminster when he told her he was turning down the offer to be medically discharged and was going back on tour with Georgie. He'd made it very clear that day that he wanted her company more than Molly's, and so she let him go. Made it easy for him. It broke her heart, but she thought it was what they both needed, wanted, to put their marriage out of its misery. And she guest, that in part for him at least, she was right when she heard months later that him and Georgie had grown close on that tour and were now a couple. On hearing the news however the grief, sadness, sense of loss was indescribable and she was unsure if she would ever recover but that was nothing to how she felt when she heard they'd actually slept together on that tour, even before the divorce had begun. She was then incandescent with rage and determination that she would recover, get stronger, and do better without Charles James in her life. 

"Molly. Thank you. You came." Were his first face to face words to her. She had somehow been hoping for more. 

"Of course I came. I loved your Mum."

"I know." He stared at her and it upset her to see how effected by grief his face was, and how all she wanted to do was hold him, still after all these years, after all the shitty things he had done to her, she still wanted to help him. 

"So how are you?" He asked. He tried to hold her eyes on his but she ducked her head avoiding his searching gaze, finding playing with her keys more interesting than talking to or looking at him. He felt awkward, she didn't answer him. "Well look. It's private at the crem, but you're very welcome to come. I should have offered earlier. Sorry. There's room in the cars." 

"Nah. Thanks but no. I should be going any way." 

She pulled open the car door and went to get in, to get away. How could he think that sitting in a car with him and Georgie would be anything she ever could do, no matter how much she thought of his Mum? 

"Oh. Ok. Yes I guess... ok." He seemed disappointed. 

He watched her sit down in the driver's seat but held onto her door before she closed it. Before she shut him out, again. "Will you at least come to the house? Just a few friends and family are coming back. Dad would love to see you." 

She knew he was playing dirty. She couldn't refuse to see his dad on today of all days, but she didn't reply. She merely grabbed the door from his hands. 

"Bye Charles. I'm sorry about your Mum. She was a good lady." And with that she drove off, leaving him alone and in her past. Just like he had done all those years ago to her. 

She didn't know what had changed her mind, why she went, but here she was an hour or so later standing outside his parent's house in Bath. Before she had time to think, to change her confused mind the door opened. An elderly aunt of Charles' opened the door and invited her in. Obviously confused and a faint recollection spread across the elderly woman's face, but not quite placing her. Molly chose not to explain who she was and started to look for Charles' dad. 

"Molly? Molly? Is that you?" A voice called from the hallway as she popped her head into the sitting room, searching. "Oh God Molly it is!" Suddenly she was embraced, held tightly, and the familiarity of his touch flooded back into her mind. 

"Sam. Bleeding hell. Look at you. God you're tall." She laughed pulling away from him. Taking in the handsomeness of his features. 

"Yeah you always said I would be. It's so nice to see you Molly." He smiled back at her. He was a carbon copy of his father she thought.  
There were some lucky ladies out in the world that would be subjected to that memorable James' charm. 

"Good to see you too mate. So what are you now? Finally year of Uni?" She asked as they sat down on the stairs, just like they always used to do. 

"Yeah. Not long to go now. Then look out world here I come." He joked, bumping his knee against hers as he nervously bounced them up and down. 

"So what's next... after Uni and that?" She asked, pleased they were away from prying eyes, sharing a brief bit of the intimacy they used to have. 

"Don't know Dad wants me to go Army just like him. I fancy a gap year. Mum just wants me out of her hair!" He laughed but she could see how conflicted he was. 

"Sorry to hear about your Gran." She placed a hand on his arm. 

"Yes. Great lady. I'll miss her. After you, well after Dad and you, well she was she was always like my second mum." He replied. "She liked you a lot you know? Never really got on with my Mum."

Moly laughed. "Is she here? Your Mum? Didn't see her in the church." 

"No. Too busy with my step brothers and sisters. I've got a lot of step brothers and sisters now. A lot." He answered embarrassingly. "They are all brats and keep everyone busy. Pleased to be out of it." He scoffed. "Grandpa is over there though Molly, and Dad. They'd love to see you." He smiled hopefully at her, although a young man he still held on to some childish dreams. 

"Come on then mate." She replied. "Let's go and see Grandpa." 

Edward greeted her with so much love it was hard for her to feel any regret in coming to the house, even though she kept catching glimpses of Charles and Georgie. Both were circulating the room, being the perfect hosts. Charles refilling glasses and Georgie handing out food and snippets of gossip to keep the guests entertained. Molly admitted they seemed a good team, worked together well but it still hurt to watch. 

Edward talked and talked to her. Introducing her to so many members of his family again and friends, always telling stories of her bravery and during one drunken slip up stated that out of all his daughter in laws she was his favourite. He said it loudly, and purposefully, and most of the room heard including Charles and Georgie. The statement brought a slight small smile to one of their faces and an ashamed skulk to the others. 

Eventually though she knew her duty was done and made her way to leave after several promises to Sam and Edward to keep in touch. Her new job had brought her closer to them both than ever before, so she really meant it when she said she'd stay in touch. 

Almost out the door, her escape almost made again she heard Charles call her name. To save any sort of scene she turned and lightly smiled. 

"Thought we might have had time for a chat. You know before you left." He casually said. Molly merely looked again offering no reply. 

He stared at his shoes and folded his hand tightly under his arms. His sure rehearsed stance of trying to look in charge of a situation. Molly knew it was all bluff, he was nervous around her. His eyes gave him away. Eventually he looked up at her. "It's lovely to see you again. Thanks for coming." 

"I didn't come for you. I came cause of your Dad and your Mum. I always loved them." She snapped back. 

"Yeah. I know. That's what I mean; it meant, means, a lot." He was embarrassed, but pressed on. "How are you Molly? Mum never said." 

"Nah. I guessed not. Good thanks. You?" She sarcastically asked back at his pointless question. Instantly she regretted it. 

He bit his lip then blew slowly through it, controlling himself. "Well apart from the fact I just buried my Mum today. I'm ok." 

"Shit Charles. Sorry." And she then went to reach out to touch his arm, instantly recognising though what she was doing and jerked it back. He noticed and hurt poured into his beautiful face. 

"It was good to see you Molly..." He was about to say more but at that moment Georgie came over to him and rested her hand possessively on his arm.

She smiled at them both. "Mols." Was however all she said. 

"Georgie." Was Molly's flat reply.

Then she just stood there a spectator in this domestic scene unfolding before her. Unsure what she was hearing, seeing, was really happening before her very eyes. 

Georgie spoke to Charles, for a moment or two they were lost in their brief conversation with each other. Molly quite forgotten, and in that moment struggling to understand it all.

The next words from Georgie's mouth broke Molly's heart more than she thought was possible. She'd believed it could no longer be broken by these two anymore, she was wrong. The dreadful scene there in the hallway had been acted out in front of her while she could only mutely watch. 

"Charlie I'm heading off soon." Georgie's had said to him as soon as she had stood by him, her hand still resting on his arm. 

He'd looked surprised at her words, and her definite touch. "God is it that time already?" He blindly mumbled, embarrassed by the situation. 

"Yeah." She squeezed his arm. "Won't be long." She promised him. Then turning to Molly. She politely said. "I have to go. Got to pick the kids ups, we left them with a friend today, didn't think it was the right place for them."

Then automatically he dipped his head and she offered her cheek and he kissed her good bye. There was no thought in their actions, it was a practice happening. A frequent gesture. 

Georgie then broke her from the nightmare and turned to her and said with no sincerity. "It was good of you to come Mols. Thank you." Then turned and left them alone. 

"Kids?" Molly spluttered out as they stood there alone. Molly couldn't think, her heart, her mind was too full. She felt actual physical pain.

"Yeah." He bashfully answered back, but there was still a small smile of pride there as he spoke. "Two, two girls." And he stared at her as though he needed to say more, his lips started to form words, to speak, but he didn't.

She mumbled a dignified good bye to Charles as best she could and hastily left him, almost tripping down the steps in her hurry to get away from him, from her and their life together. 

Blindly she drove away. The tears falling as soon as she knew she was safe from him following her. They poured down her face 

All the pain, hurt, loss all those feelings of being utterly defeated came flooding back to her. Knowing it was because of her own sense of duty that had caused her the pain she had just felt again. If she hadn't been there, if she hadn't gone to the house she wouldn't have seen the two of them together, wouldn't have heard what she did. Ignorance really was bliss. 

She kicked herself for her stupidness. Almost unbelieving at what she had just witnessed. That moments ago she had stood there in her former in laws home as Georgie came up close to Charles and claimed him. Held onto his arm in a way Molly could not anymore. The wedding ring on Georgie's finger ensured Molly noticed her ownership of him. 

So now sitting alone in her car, after running out, she sat there alone, crying there was only one thing she could think of. Now married Georgie and Charles had kids. Georgie had given him something they had only ever dreamed about. 

Molly realised with no shadow of doubt she had been totally and utterly forgotten and replaced. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Carousel**

 **Chapter 2**

"So was she fat?"

"No." Molly giggled and slipped more wine into her and Jacqui's glasses. "Well yeah. Just a bit. Actually she was huge. Really fat."

"Was she all haggard or had she had more work done to her plastic face?" Jacqui continued.

"Nah. She looked well doggy. Face all wrinkles and a wart type thing on the end of her nose. She had whiskers too, growing out of her chin." With this Molly burst into uncontrollable laughter. Her best mate joining in with her loud drunken cackles. It was all far from the truth but it made the two girls feel so good.

Just then Molly's flat mate walked in catching Jacqui's eye, she attempted to mature up immediately. If truth be told she had the hots for him.

"Oh God I see the _'I hate Georgie James'_ fan club is up and running again." He smirked nodding toward the numerous empty bottles of wine by the back door. "What's the poor woman gone and done this time?"

"She exists. Isn't that enough?" Molly slurred into her glass.

"Shit. Hell yes." Jacqui agreed and raised her glass in a pretend toast to Molly's profound reasoning. 

"You do know you'll regret this in the morning. You always do." Tom wisely counselled them. 

"Nah. We'll be fine mate" Molly answered. "Always am." 

Tom just shook his head and left the coven to it. Knowing when it was best to stay out of a drunken Molly's way, and that of her friend, who scared him just a little!

He'd known Molly for nearly as long as she had been had been without Charles. Nearly ten years. They first meet as student nurses where they shared the same corridor in the nurse's home accommodation. Hitting it off straight way, forming a very special friendship. One Tom, he'd never been ashamed to admit it, had wanted to develop, but they never really got all the way there. Molly never really let him all the way in. 

They had always kept in touch after graduation, meeting up frequently, going out on a couple of dates, yet it just never went anywhere. It always remained on the good side of being the very best of friends.

However now her new job in Bristol brought her closer to him and where he worked, they once again became flat mates, and Tom still had hoped for something more than the friends with benefits that she once offered to him, and he had hungrily accepted. Yet as the weeks, months went by, he knew yet again he was wasting his time. 

Tonight was inevitable he knew that. It was a tradition. Once, twice a year her former Army friend, Jacqui, would come back home from Australia and they would drink themselves stupid. Slagging off anyone who had crossed them, and over the years there had been numerous candidates, but Charles and Georgie's name always came high up on their list. These catch ups although great fun always ended badly too, and generally it was poor Tom who cleaned up their mess. He didn't mind. He was a nurse, and used to all sorts. This year however he was more fearful than others. They had Molly's recent experience of coming face to face with her nemesis and ex to fuel the _'I hate Georgie fan club'_ along, and boy did it ignite their distain. The drinks were truly flowing. 

As he lay in his bed, hearing them get louder and drunker he knew his persuasive skills would be called on soon. Both would need a lot of TLC in the morning. But first he would need to encourage them to get themselves into bed. 

From the very first day he met Molly he knew she was running from something. He eventually learnt in those first months at Uni that she had been in the Army, had left and started on the nursing degree course in the north of England, miles away from anyone she knew. The reasons why, he never really knew, all she ever said was that she was starting over. She had never in all those years talked about her time in the Army to him or about any of her former colleagues. As far as he knew she had cut all links when she left, and he didn't understand why. He'd never known her to do any reunions, never did the Facebook thing, there was just nothing about her past military life.

Except for one person and that was Jacqui. She however was just as removed from Army life and gossip as Molly was. They were the perfect pair, both totally incommunicado from their past lives. Neither giving away stories from each other's pasts, and neither reminiscing. Initially when he first met Jacqui he had hope for some more background information on Molly and her story, but Jacqui remained just as tight lipped as Molly.

He had guessed though over the years that the Charles and Georgie that were frequently talked about in their get togethers was the reason for Molly's running away. Guessing that Charles had once been hers and she was wronged by Georgie. But that's about all he knew, he suspected that she might even have been married to Charles, but she never confirmed or denied it. She was very much a closed book! 

The day Molly and Tom graduated was a sad day for these two good friends as they both went their very separate ways. Tom to Bristol and Molly back down to London, to be with her family and to start working as a community nurse. For both it seemed to be the right choice, each loved their roles and rose up the grade structure in the intervening years, and now here Tom was as Charge nurse in A and E and Molly had just got herself a job a Community Nurse Practitioner. Molly's new role meant both were now working in Bristol, both renting a house together, both still single and in Tom's case only, very ready to mingle! 

The aftermath the following morning was as he had expected. He walked in to find Molly sat with her head slumped on the kitchen table moaning in pain. Jacqui nowhere to be seen. He sympathetically fished out some paracetamol for her a placed them next to her. 

"Will I ever learn?" She raised her head slightly to acknowledge Tom's existence. "I mean I'm in my mid thirties. You think I'd know by now I can't take my drink."

"You Molly Dawes will never learn. Plus I think last night you were trying to forget just a bit more than usual." Tom wisely spoke, hinting and hoping to be confirmed right.

"You reckon! Nah. It don't bother me anymore." Molly rose to get some more fluid.

It annoyed her that Tom just stayed quiet, raising an eyebrow in disbelief, not agreeing with her, silently judging her. She childishly stormed out of the kitchen with glass in hand.

"What?" She snapped at him. He'd followed her and sat down on their settee. "It's been ten years. It don't hurt like it did." Then quietly she continued. "It can't. It shouldn't."

"Do you want to tell me about it?" He asked. He'd asked that so many times over the years and never heard the full tale. "I still don't know the full story. I won't judge, just listen. You know that? Right?" 

"Nothing more to tell. You know the story. We broke up. He slept with her. Oh yeah one little extra bit...now it seems he married her and they have kids too. She's got everything. It was just a bit of a shock that was all."

"Shit. Wow Molly. I guess it was. But Mols it has been ten years. Time to move on maybe?" He knew he was on dicey ground. 

She slumped down next to him on the settee. Hugging her pyjama clad legs to her body. "I have moved on, I've forgotten." She feebly answered.

He threw an arm around her, unsure if she would ever realise just how much he loved her. "Have you really?"

"Yeah." She defended herself, because it looked like no one else was going to.

"So in ten years Molly how many relationships have you had?" He gently asked her. He could see she wasn't going to answer. "Shall I tell you? Three."

"Well threes good." She giggled hoping he'd change the direction this conversation was heading in. 

"Ok. How many have lasted more than a couple of months?" He held her tight next to him, not wanting her to run from the truth again. Not wanting to hurt her.

"Well not many. Cause they were all dick heads." She answered.

"All?" He chuckled into her hair.

"Well yeah. Apart from you. Well you were different." She offered back by way of apology. And he was. He was so much more than just a mate, but what she had to offer him was never quite enough.

"Thanks." He grudgingly accepted. Then added. "So Mols why do you think you and I never worked? We're best mates, get on, sex was even quite good. So why aren't we together together?"

"I don't know do I?" She quietly answered back. Still in his arms desperately wishing she was somewhere else instead but to afraid to move. "Any way there was Stu. I went out with him for two years." She answered proudly.

"Molly he lived in bloody Egypt. In those two years you saw him grand total of six times." He patiently explained. "The only reason you stayed with him for so long is cause he was so far away."

"What do you mean?" She snapped. "I did like him." 

"It's cause you haven't moved on, let go. You won't let anyone else love you; you won't even let me love you. This is, it's all on your terms. Sex when you want it, but nothing else. Mols we flat share and shagged many moons ago . That's it. You, me, we deserve more."

"Do regret me?" She asked unsure what she wanted him to say.

"Hell Mols no. You're my best mate. I love you. " He kissed her head. "Maybe in another life we could have been more."

"You're a top bloke. You know that don't you?" She hugged him back. He was perfect for her in every way. He just wasn't who she still wanted after all these years. 

"I know. I'm Ace. You're just blind to my charms."

She rested her head back remembering the days when she once had thought her charms had been enough to keep Charles. But they hadn't been, and that's one thing she definitely didn't do... she hadn't kept Charles. 

Her shift was about to start and already he was smothering her. Arms folded she stared at him. Sighing at the words about to come out of his mouth.

"Are you sure about this?" Tom asked for the hundredth time that day.

"Yes. Now please will you bugger off and let me do my job." She pushed him out of the clinic door giggling as she did so. 

It was Christmas Day and due to staff shortages, and shortage of funds on Molly's part, she had offered to do extra shifts over the Bank Holidays. For most of them she was working alongside Tom's department in the walk in centre.

It was busy and tested her clinical skills, but the pay was good and as she had no better offers for Christmas Day it was the perfect solution.

She looked down at her list and began in earnest. It was half way through her shift when the familiar name of the next patient made her tummy lurch. There the name stood out on the appointment list.

James.

Ten years of no contact then two in so many months. She grinned and went to call his name.

"Samuel James." She saw him cringe as his full name was called out, walking towards her but not actually seeing her.

It was only once he was in the clinic room that he looked at her. "Molly. What the...?"

"My second job, that's what." She offered. "Should maybe have said I'm not in the Army no more." She was enjoying the look of surprise registering across his face. "Fully qualified nurse, with Uni debts still to pay off. So here I am. Sister Dawes your nurse practitioner. You ok with seeing me?"

"Err. Yeah. Wow. I don't know what to say. Wow. Does Dad know?"

"Doubt it mate. None of his business really. Your Gran and Grandpa knew." He was looking embarrassed and Molly was time limited. "So Sam we going to do this or do you want to see someone else?" She added.

He looked down at his shoes and chewed his lip. Her heart ached, he was so like his father at times. Just like she knew he always would be.

"Yeah it just. Well embarrassing that's all." He then turned slowly around and peeled off his jumper and shirt flashing his right shoulder and wincing . "Think there's something wrong." He admitted.

"Bloody hell mate." Was all she offered and set to work.

Sam had gone and got himself a tattoo, which had gone and got itself very badly infected. He needed the wound cleaning and antibiotics. As well as painkillers. They were the treatments she offered in her professional capacity. In her capacity as a previous step mum she offered more.

"What the bleeding hell were you thinking Sam. Your dad will go nuts." She lectured him covering the mess up that was now his shoulder.

"He doesn't need to know. Besides I'll nearly 21. It doesn't concern him." Sam bravely answered back.

"Yes it bleeding will when you get admitted to A and E with sepsis." She snapped back.

"Shit. It's not that bad is it?" He looked so young and panicked. She took pity on him.

"No. Thanks to me. You're lucky though. Where did you get it done?. The place must have been rife?"

He pulled his clothes back on. "I don't know. Was a bit pissed at the time. Was a dare." He confessed.

"Shit mate. What's it meant to be anyway?" Despite herself she was staring to smile. She remembered being this young and this stupid. Though it did seem like another lifetime ago.

"Gandalf!" He saw Molly's amusement and started to burst out laughing too.

"Gandalf. Bleeding Lord of the Rings Gandalf?" She was crying now with laughter. "Your Dad bleeding hates that movie." And she laughed even louder.

"I know." He happily answered back.

It felt good she thought. Laughing away with him , he was older, not their young Sammie anymore, but there was still that closeness between them. She had missed him over the years, but had broken contact with him at the same time she did with Charles. Not risking the loyalty to her from a ten year old, against the hero that was his father.

As he was putting on his coat ready to leave he turned.

"It my 21st on New Year's Eve." He announced.

"Don't I know it mate. You ruined every New Year's Eve I had. Had to every year suffer cake and ice cream instead of vodka!" She joked at him.

They both knew she was teasing, that every one of the birthdays she been with Sam had been some of the best times for them both. Her and Charles had always made his day special, and always enjoyed themselves just as much.

"So I'm having a do at a club in town. Just mates and that. Pop by for a few drinks?" He hesitated. "Please."

"Oh I don't know. I'm a bit past all that. Getting old now Sammie." She still accepted the paper he stuck in her hand with the time and address on though.

"Nonsense Molly." He shouted back at her as he went to leave. "I'll expect to see you there."

So a week later there she was standing outside the club Sam had written down for her. Tom by her side, driving her on to live her life again.

Once he'd heard of the invite he insisted they go. He stated that for one they had both worked all through Christmas and deserved some fun in the holidays, and two he, unlike Molly, was not in his thirties yet and really needed some action. She giggled at this as he had hunted through her wardrobe looking for a dress for the night. Telling her in way too much detail how long it had been exactly since he'd had a shag.

He threw a dress at her, perfect for the occasion he said, and some heels. Telling her to get dressed, make an effort and do this bloke Sam proud on his birthday.

The club was loud, a sure sign she was getting old. It was also very dark, but she still made out the roped off VIP area and Sam's silhouette. She shyly made her way over to the group. Pleased she wore heels, their heights and presence might have easily intimidated her. Surrounded by these noisy drunken young lads, she suddenly felt very old, and nostalgic for her former Army days.

"Molly. You made it." Sam bounced over. Then grabbing hold of her shoulders spinning her round to face his friends. "Lads this is Molly. My ex step mum." He shouted loudly.

"Step Mum? What the fuck Molly?" Tom gasped at her side. " He's your step kid?" He had so many questions.

Wishing the floor would swallow her up she turned and introduced Tom. If Tom was shocked by the revelation Sam was shocked too and somewhat what frosty towards him.

"Oh. Didn't think you were bringing a date Mols." He sneered as he shook Tom's hand. Tom was still too floored to react.

"I didn't. No he's me flat mate." She quickly explained as the two men started to mis-read the situation and almost squared up to each other.

"Oh right. Good. That's lovely then." He said and thrusting drinks in their hands he went back to his mates.

"Sorry. Should have said." She looked at Tom. "Sam is Charles' son. We were married for just over four years. But then Georgie came along. The end. "

He could see it hurt her to talk about it, but although he knew he wanted to know more, now was not time or place. So he accepted her apology and her promises she'd tell him all another time.

The evening continued as it had begun really. It wasn't as much fun as Molly thought, hoped, it might have been. His friends were all very drunk and very immature. Reminding her if the squaddies she'd so frequently had to deal with all those years ago. Tom after their chat had left her almost immediately looking for someone to see the New Year in with. So Molly spent most of her time fending off Sam's mates drunken advances. Seriously starting to get pissed off.

Eventually Sam came to her rescue. A big drunken smile in his face.

"Having a good time?" He shouted at her above the music.

"Not really. Too old for all this I reckon. Think I'll push off." She shouted back.

"Where's your mate?" Sam leaned in closer.

"Probably trying it on with some poor woman somewhere. He's a bit desperate." She answered back.

"So Molly, what about you? Anyone special?" He asked throwing his arm intentionally around her gaining a drunken cheer from his mates. He raised his glass in a victorious salute to them.

"Err no...and Sam remove your arm before I think you're wanting me to break it." She forcefully said. She knew he didn't mean anything by it, just drunken bravado, but his mates were egging him on, encouraging him, and she needed to nip it in the bud.

"Sorry." He quickly said and it took her back to how he used to say it when he was little. He looked mortified. She move a bit further away from him and his arm fell to his side.

The conversation stopped. Sam embarrassed, Molly just wanting to leave.

"So no boyfriend then Molly?" He tried again. He asked but this time not as a come on line but as her friend.

"No not for me." She put on a pretend cheerfulness to her voice, the one she used whenever she was asked that question. "Free and single still."

"That's a waste. I'm mean... well since Dad... has there been anyone?"

Oh how she hoped to tell him that there had. That she had had numerous love affairs, but she couldn't.

"A few. But no if I'm honest. Not really. A few brief goes at it all again, but no since me and your Dad... well there's not been anyone special."

"Shit Molly. That's shit. What are you both like?" He whistled out. "I mean why you didn't, can't you just talk to each other stop being so bloody stubborn?"

"I don't know." She truthfully answered back. "Too late now though I guess." Then suddenly words came out of nowhere. "Is he happy?"

"Happy? Dad? Don't think he knows how to be happy anymore. He just knows Army and giving me a hard time, whenever I see him, which isn't often."

"That's shame." And she meant it, though surprised by what he'd said. "You were always so close."

"Yeah well he's changed a lot...after you and him...and well him and Georgie." He saw her almost wince at him mentioning Georgie's name. "You know she not so bad... Georgie. In small doses." He offered.

"Yeah. Well even the smallest dose might gonna be too small for me to take these days as far as she's concerned." Molly admitted.

"What even after all this time." He looked at her, saw her eyes were full. "Why?"

She didn't know where it came from, finally all this honesty, but she poured it out to Sam.

"Cause she has what I haven't I guess. Husband, kids... Charles in her life!"

"Doesn't make her a better person though does it." He answered back handing her a napkin as her tears spilled over.

"No. But it makes her the winner in all this. She fucked up my life. Well your Dad did too, yet here they both are happy and leading the life I should of had."

"I don't understand. What type of life do you think Dad's leading? I just told you he's not happy."

"Yeah well I guess he'll fine something better soon." She snapped back. "That seems to be his speciality. Moving on. When he gets fed up with one toy he leaves it and picks out another to play with."

"Molly. That's my Dad your slagging off there, but what the hell are you talking about." He shouted at her and this time it wasn't to do with the music. He was angry, defending his Dad's mistakes had not been in his agenda for tonight .

"Look Sam. Hell sorry. This is your night. I'm spoiling it." She knew she'd pushed it. "I'm just gonna go."

She turned to leave but Sam grabbed her arm.

"He never got over losing you, you know?"

She just smiled. It was nice for Sam to say that, even if it wasn't true. She had no more nice things however to say about Charles' life anymore.

"Look. Happy birthday Samie. Have good'un and I'll see you in clinic some time."

She turned and left, cursing herself that she'd been mean on Sam's special night.

"Hope I do. It's been nice Molly. Like old times." Stopping her in her tracks, he walked over to her and he drew her in for a hug.

"No hard feelings? Just put it down to an bitter old woman's hormones." She returned his hug.

"Course not and to prove it you're coming to Grandpa's tomorrow for my tradition birthday tea." He beamed at her. "Might even give you a vodka or too this time!"

She laughed at the memory. "God are you still having them." She laughed. "But no, I mean it this time. Even with the offer of vodka. That would be too much."

"Why? We always used to do it? And it will be my first without Gran. Please."

"Sam I can't." She apologetically replied. "Please understand. You, Charles... Georgie. It wouldn't be a recipe for a good tea party!"

"Ok Molly. I think I understand..well I don't never did get." He let her go. "Oh and by the way hope it's a Happy New Year."

"So do I mate." She shot back. "So do I."


	3. Chapter 3

**Carous** **el**

 **Chapter 3**

Another Friday night alone. She opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of beer and popped it's top, but didn't take a drink. She was just grateful at this moment she had the flat to herself. It had been a long day and she relished the peace and quiet. Tom, she expected would be out with his new lady friend. The one he met on New Year's Eve. They had been seeing each other for months now and judging by the permanent smile on his face and the noises from the bedroom they were getting on very well. 

New Year's Eve had been a very good night for Tom. Not so for Molly, it had left her feeling directionless. Molly had never made it to Sam's birthday tea the next day, like he'd asked. She knew she wouldn't. Couldn't. It would not have been fair.

Talking to Sam that night and hearing him say that Charles hadn't got over her made her feel slightly better about all that had gone on, and she didn't want to ruin her new found calmness and superiority by having a cat fight with Georgie in Edward's kitchen! Despite how tempting it might have been. The happy thoughts over the years of her ripping in to Georgie Lane had kept her going at times. The West end tough street girl never really leaving Molly's persona.

If Molly was honest though she was pleased to have heard those words from Sam. Even if they were no more than wishful thinking on his part. She hoped Charles hurt too, just a little, well maybe more than a little, but just enough. Like she had. Like she still did.

The way they had ended was so sudden. It was final. There had been no last meet ups, no 'let's try again'. Nothing. She had offered him a way out and he took it with both hands and that was it. The sudden, very definite death of their marriage. She grieved. She guessed she still was and she really hoped he was too on some level.

Popping her trusty M and S meal for one packet in the oven she glanced over at the home she was building with Tom. She wondered how long it would last. His new lady and him one day would want their own space, without her in it. It would soon be time for her to move on again, sooner than she had hoped for.

Those thoughts, of her happy bubble with Tom bursting, had over the past weeks been playing on her mind. The change to her situation perhaps was the little push in the right direction for her that she needed. Finally at last she thought she may be ready to put aside the widow weeds she had invisibly worn since the death of her marriage. Maybe it really was time to move on. Time to come out of mourning.

Her hopeful thoughts were interrupted by her mobile going off. A number she didn't recognise flashed up. Hesitantly she answered it, fearful it might be work calling her back in.

"Molly. Oh God Molly is that you?" The panicked voice shouted at her. Doubting herself as she recognised it.

"Sam? Is that you? Shit. You ok? What's going on." The panic in his voice was contagious. Fear starting to grip her. 

"I need help. He's had a fall. He won't let me call an ambulance." He cried out. 

"Who Sam? Who's fallen." A metallic taste came to her mouth remembering a desperate phone call she'd once received about Charles.

"Grandpa. " Sam almost sobbed out.

"Is he ok? Can he talk?" She needed to calm down in the hope that Sam would too, now her first fears weren't realised.

"Yeah. He's sitting here. He says he's fine. But he's not and he won't let me help him. He can't walk or anything."

"Ok Sam listen. Call your Dad. He'll help." She coached him down the line. He needed Charles. 

"I tried. He's abroad. Away somewhere. I've tried." Sam she could tell was pacing the room, probably the kitchen, in an attempt to work out his lessening options. 

"Oh right. What about Georgie then?" She asked wondering if he'd already tried before he called her.

"Georgie? Well no. He wouldn't have her. Doesn't like her that much. Anyway She's abroad too. On holiday, they're with the kids." He answered confusion spilling around him. Trying to make his words sensible. 

"Right. Yes. I guess she would be." And before she could stop herself images of Charles and Georgie's perfect little girls flashed before her eyes. Two beautiful things, inheriting the best of the amazing good looks from both parents. 

"Look Sam I'll come over. I'll be about an hour at the top. Ok?" Quickly after a few more words of reassurance she hung up on him. 

She hastily turned everything off and packed an emergency overnight bag. It was something Charles had taught her to do years ago, and a habit she continued. It was one lesson from her doomed marriage that had saved her bacon a few times before. 

As promised she arrived within the hour at the house and Sam still hadn't calmed down. Beside himself with worry, visibly upset. Understandably so, he'd come to visit his Grandpa for the weekend, a chance to have some decent food and his laundry done, only to find Edward sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs as soon as he'd walked through the door. He'd explained to Molly that he'd eventually managed to get this elderly shaken man into a chair, but it was obvious he was in pain and definitely refused Sam to call for any type of help. As time went on a compromise was reached and Molly was allowed to be contacted. She was the only one Edward felt could be trusted to do the right thing by him. Even after all this time he still held Molly head and shoulders above the rest.

As soon as she arrived, moments after telling Edward he was a grumpy stubborn git, she dialled 999. Then she kissed his bleeding head and told him she loved him. It was obvious he had a mild concussion and his hip was broken. If that wasn't enough he had numerous lacerations to his face and arms. He'd done a perfect job on himself falling down the stairs! 

So now here they were, in an A and E cubicle waiting to see Edward be admitted and treated. He would be monitored overnight and his hip operated on once they felt safe in relation to his concussion.

"Thanks Mols." Sam said shakily from the chair he sat on in the corner of the room. He'd said it a hundred times before. "I didn't know what to do."

"You did good. You did the right thing. He'll be ok you know." She reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing it lovingly. Reassuring him. "Think you should try your dad again one more time. He needs to know what's going on." She advised him. Twenty one he maybe but his life skills were still in the early stages, he still needed guidance and prompts. 

It was it turned out to be a long night, waiting, watching, and transferring, but eventually Edward was settled for the night and Molly, and a still shaken Sam, made their way back to Royal Crescent. She stayed the night with him. Using one of the spare rooms, reflecting how in days gone by she would have been in Charles' old room, their room. She guessed it was his and Georgie's room now.

The sound of Sam talking loudly on the phone woke her. She could tell by what he was saying that eventually he must have been able to get through to Charles. She heard her name mentioned by him and her praises sang. This made her smile, the ever loyal Sam that had never changed.

As the morning slowly broke through the curtains Molly started to see just how much had changed though in ten years. Small subtle changes around her, different colour schemes, a

new carpet here, new curtains there . All signs that in the past ten years life had move on, for them, for Charles. In fact for everyone except she guessed, apart her. Admittedly it wasn't their heart that was broken, but no matter how messed up Charles and Georgie were when they started they seem to have got something right. Ten years down the line and two kids, later must have meant something. That Georgie's must have been his forever and always, and not her.

And so it was here in the spare room of the large house, she had expected to one day inherited with Charles, that Molly grabbed her future before it was too late. The one she had put on hold. The one where she was no longer going to waste over a broken love affair. It was here that she chose to move on. Realising that Charles and Georgie didn't have to be the only winners in the messed up situation that happened so long ago. 

"So you actually like him?" Tom was amazed he never thought this day would come. It had started out as a favour, but somehow it had turned into something more. 

It was a simple act of friendship that started to change Molly's course. Jenny, the girl Tom been dating for several months now, had spare tickets for a show in town. She had invited her brother and suggested to Tom that Molly went too. Reluctantly Molly agreed, and now a month down the line she was so pleased that she had gone. 

"Yeah I do." She merrily admitted. "I'm seeing him again tomorrow if you must know." She happily continued.

"Hell Molly that's about six, what seven times now? Bloody hell." He teased her, but he was happy. He watched her from the other side of their sitting room. She looked happy. She looked different too, then he realised he'd never seen Molly start to fall for someone before. It brought a whole new softness to her beauty. Chuckling to himself that if he hadn't been so smitten with Jenny he might have felt a tinge if jealousy.

Molly was happy too, and the bubbly type of feelings she had going on inside her tummy surprised her too. Steve was a nice guy. A few years younger than her, but that didn't matter at all. He was a Policeman of some sort, owned his own home, no kids, and no dark secrets that she knew of. He was just a genuinely nice guy, and he seemed to really like her. For once, in a very long time she was enjoying someone else's company, enjoying them for who they actually were. They told everyone they were taking it slow, but they had in fact spent several nights together and appeared to be very compatible in every way! 

She wasn't fooling herself though. She'd been there done that. This wasn't yet a grand love affair. She'd had one of those before and doubted she'd ever get another. But she did notice that she'd find herself smiling at times for no particular reason other than the thought of him, or even just thinking about something he'd said. The way he looked at her, always a bit too long and always made her feel adored. She did, she admitted to herself tingle under his soft touch and caresses, she had enjoyed the sensation of having his warm body close to her, and she knew he made her feel safe. All these feelings were almost new to her, it being so long since she had last felt them, but there was one thing Molly certainly would not admit to, and that was may be just maybe she was starting to fall for Steve.

"So you still heading over to Bath though today yeah?" Tom asked hopefully. A shared flat wasn't always conducive to romancing one's girl. 

"Yes. Don't worry Casanova. I'll be stopping overnight too, back at tea time. Sam and I just wanted to make sure that Edward settles." She reassured Tom.

Grabbing her weekend bag she headed out the door heading to Bath. Today was the day after seven weeks of hospital, and rehab wards that Edward was finally being allowed home after his fall. It had knocked his confidence and he'd needed quite a bit of post op rehab. 

Sam and Molly had arranged everything for his home coming between them. Working as a good team. Apparently his father's discharge had come at bad timing, as usual, for Charles who was apparently on tour. Molly mused no matter what it still seemed he put the Army first. So it was down to Edward's grandson to support his homecoming. Sam however was out of his depth, and automatically turned to Molly for help, who big heartedly agreed. She loved Edward, had loved being part of his close family once, and so was willing to help. She was however ever so curious as to why it wasn't Georgie who was helping out, but she was mindful of Sam's words about how negative Edward's feelings were towards her. 

Hours later she pulled up in front of Royal Crescent. A practised drive that took little thought. Over the weeks Edward had been in hospital she had visited him a few times, always cunning about her timings so she wouldn't be confronted with the Georgie and Charles family visits. She was successful in every occasion and Edward thoroughly enjoyed her company, able to make him laugh and spur him on like few others could.

She fitted her visits around her blossoming dating life, suddenly her life was becoming very busy, and she was in high demand again. It was during one of these visits to Edward that the truth about her needing to move on was very definitely corroborated.

There on Edward's hospital cabinet proudly displayed was a homemade card. A large thin piece of folded paper torn out of an art book. Flimsy it might have been it still had the power to cut into Molly's heart. On the front of the card drawn in a child's, messy, but lovingly coloured hand were the words; 'Get well soon Grandpa'. Followed by lots of kisses. Molly didn't need to look inside to see who it was from. Charles was an only child. It sure as hell wasn't from Sam. It was therefore from Charles and Georgie's girls.

As Edward wasn't due home for a couple of hours her and Sam had agreed to meet early to turn the heating on and get the groceries in. She knew he'd need help in almost everything. The house she guessed had almost been neglected since the fall, and they'd need to make it welcoming for Edward's return. So Molly had stopped on the way and had done a full shop, of what she hoped was still his favourites. Familiar comforts that would make him happy to be home again, despite the emptiness everyone still felt now Elizabeth was gone. 

Using her key from a previous life she unlocked and threw open the heavy door of her ex father in law's house. 

"Sam? Sam!" She blasted out, expecting that he'd still be in bed. "Come and give us a hand with the shopping. I'm parked on doubles outside the front. Don't need a ticket." She bellowed down the hall way and into the house, in her best Corporal voice, without even stepping inside. 

She heard the tread of feet moving across the kitchen floor as she ran down the path, ready to tackle any traffic wardens if they pounced. Smiling to herself at the fact she still could raise the dead from their pits with her military holler.

She rummaged in the boot of her car, cursing that one of the bags had spilled. 

"Oh bugger." She cried as the fruit rolled around her boot. Half falling into the boot itself to save their skins from bruising.

He came, as he'd been commanded, and stood next to her, but she didn't turn to look. Too focused on her fruit retrieval task. He smiled at the fact he was there so quickly. She'd shouted, and he'd come running.

"Grab this one will ya? And as many as you can carry. I brought enough to feed and Army" She commanded as she handed them backwards to him. "I'm sure I saw a warden hiding behind the railings when I came in." She joked on. He liked it when Molly was happy.

She heard his laugh and felt his large rough hands touch hers as she past the bags back. Both senses insulted at once. Memories flooding into her mind and heart at his touch, at his laugh. She raised herself from the boot and spun round. Staring.

"Hello Molly." He stood there with hands full of Sainsbury's shopping. Still ridiculously tall and handsome, casually dressed for the weekend. His smile was wide and brought back feelings of being lost in nothing else but him.

They were very close, too close and she moved further back, almost into the car's boot.

She was surprised. Stilled by him being there. She stammered.

"Hello Charles." Trying to remain calm. "What you doing here? I thought it was Sam?" In her mind though she had numerous question, but none she could ask. 

"Yeah he's inside." Charles dipped his head to the open front door. "I got home early. Thought I'd come and help."

He was equally as frozen as her, both lost in the strangeness of the moment.

"Look. I've got to go and park the car." Was all she could say. 

He nodded and turned to walk in to the house. "You will come back won't you." He suddenly asked fearful she might drive away for good. "Into the house I mean."

She was unsure, she didn't want to, but she couldn't run now. Later maybe but not now. She would just have to face them.

"Yeah. Give me five." She hoped she sounded calm. Glancing at the door, expecting to see Georgie standing there.

"Great. Good. Lovely. I'll see you soon then Molly."

And with that Charles strode away towards the house, looking back, once at Molly who had yet to find it in her to recover from the shock and move. She felt sick, totally unprepared to meet them again.

Oh how she wished she could run, but realising that was no longer an option to her anymore. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Carousel**

 **Chapter 4**

How do you start a conversation off with someone who you have wanted to talk to every single day for the past ten years? He'd wanted to, so badly wanted to but hadn't. Too much of a coward, and too many wrong life choices made on the way. The need had always been there, just not the courage. No there was no answers to the situation fate had now put them in. 

Where could they begin, but begin they must. 

For nearly 3700 days he had woken up to the same thought in his world...Molly. Some days these thoughts about her were of his intense sadness of what they had lost, other days his feelings ranged from happiness to what they had shared to utter anger at her that she had so quickly given up on them. That she had said it was the end and had utterly meant it. But no matter what he thought of her he had to admit that he still thought of her every day. 

He had imagined their first meeting, played their conversation out in his head so many times. At the beginning it was all about him apologising, begging forgiveness. Pleading for a second chance. He'd never publically admitted his infidelity and both him and Georgie were unsure if anyone else ever knew. Both of them kept their first night together an ashamed secret, but he knew once he had offered apologies, he would then need to offer her the truth. 

He thought, on those initial dark days after their separation, that his secret was safe, and Molly, as she didn't know of his error, would not give up on him completely. He was so caught up in his own illness that his flawed reasoning seemed entirely sensible to him. Molly was in the wrong, Molly had pushed the destruct button. Their ended marriage was all her fault he believed, because of her words, not his actions. He'd hoped she come back and ask for his forgiveness, and he would have been willing to give it. But she never came. The hope his mind tricked him into having soon turned into anger, and that's what at times their other imaginary conversations were loaded with, his anger at her. Anger that she had left him when the going got tough

Thus his mental health started to spiral downwards even more. His inability to function to make decisions became something the Army no longer would tolerate, or could ignore, and he was offered an ultimatum. Accept help or leave. He chose to get help this time. After months of little progress, and still no return from Molly he voluntarily agreed to a short of stay as an inpatient to deal with his mental health issues. It eventually took over a year, after this stay, working through his problems, but slowly, gradually he became Charles James again. The man we all recognised and had so missed. Acting as the man once more that he was destined to be. 

It was also during Charles' recovery that he started to re connect with Georgie again, almost after two very lonely years. She too in that time had faced her demons. Accepting that the night they had was not the way one got over a broken heart. That at that time they were merely using one another, and that was not the foundations of a lasting relationship. She was lonely, and missed being adored. Charles had offered all that to her, and she selfishly took it. She knew it was false, that at that time he was incapable of offering her the feelings his PTSD fooled him into believing he had for her, but she too was suffering and her judgment too became clouded. 

Time past, they both, Charles and Georgie grew stronger, and so it was with clearer heads that they started out on a new relationship with each other. Taking it slowly, strengthening it each time they saw one another. Depending on each other in the healthiest of ways. That night together was the wrong way to start, they both knew that. They both deserved something more, and they tried to move on with their lives together as they couldn't have the lives they wished they used to have. It was hard however, despite everything they were settling, they both knew that, despite how many times they told each other they were not. Georgie knew that every day he thought about Molly, just as she guessed he knew that every day she thought about Elvis. 

As she entered the kitchen, he practiced every calming strategy he knew. His mental health strong now, he was once again dependable as a man, a soldier, a father, but he still needed these self-help techniques from time to time. Today was definitely one of those days. 

He knew this possibly was his only chance to say the things to Molly he had wished he had been able to say all those years ago. If not when she first left him, but once he had searched for her again when he had become stronger, before him and Georgie started to move too far away from Molly's past. 

She approached the kitchen cautiously, scanning around for others. He stopped from the unpacking he half heartedly had begun. 

Shyly he said.

"Fancy a tea?" 

Such a mundane simple sentence, not how he imagined their first alone time to begin, but this is how it had begun. He was grateful though that it had begun. 

She nodded, still looking around and behind her. 

"You alone?" She asked taking over the abandoned unpacking. 

"Yes. Sam's still asleep." He half glanced at her from his task of filling the kettle. "God can you remember 'lie ins'? I'd kill for one of those again." He teased her with a smile. It was pointless though she had her back turned to him, unable to see the desperate look of friendship he was giving her. 

She wouldn't turn round, mulling over his words, guessing that two little girls in your life did make 'lie ins' difficult. Her imagination fired up, seeing that he'd be the one who'd get up early with them, allowing his Georgie to get the beauty sleep she most certainly didn't need. He'd been a good Dad to Sam when he was little, so she imagined he still very much was. 

He turned fully to watch her now. Assessing the person she had become without him. She was older, but still was everything like the Molly Dawes he had fallen so helplessly in love with. Still tiny, petite, but he could tell still desperately strong. He knew she'd kept in touch with his parents. That made him happy, even in the early stages when he was so angry with her for leaving him. At least that way he was still connected to her life in some legitimate way.

He'd knew she'd left the Army, at the time it was another sign to him that she was changing, first she had checked out of their marriage, then she did just the same to a career she was brilliant at. He raged about her decisions in the privacy of his therapy sessions. Believing that she just kept walking away. It took a lot of patience on his counsellor's behalf and the exploring of his emotions that made him realise that it wasn't her who had ended the marriage, it wasn't even him despite the Georgie issue, it was his PTSD. His mental health that neither of them had coped with, accepted or felt strong enough to admit too. He learned that she did what any one would have done, after giving and giving to him over the years she suddenly just came to a junction in her life when she just couldn't do it anymore. That she, for her own mental health, had to stop. She had to let him go and therefore she did.

It was Charles who had foolishly took his release and betrayed her. Taking a definite step away from their marriage, one which they wouldn't be able to recover from, and so he knew eventually he was so much more to blame for them ending than her. That it was he who had caused the end of their marriage, not her, and he needed to tell her that. 

Once his life started to level out, become clearer he had an aspiring idea that he could sort things out between them. He had once tried to find her and amazingly succeeded, but watching her walk home one night after a shift with a young man next to her side, laughing, comfortable with him, he knew he couldn't interrupt her life any more. She seemed happy without him. She hadn't tried to find him, she had instead chosen a new direction to her life, she had moved away from him, from their mess to a better life. 

So he never saw her again until his mother's funeral. Not knowing anything about her new life from that day onwards. He went home, tried to forget her, focussed his attention on his career and the new relationships that were delivered to him as the years went by. He was desperately trying not to fuck it all up this time. He thought he'd been succeeding until that day he saw her in the church. Then he knew, he knew he needed to say the words to her that he had never ever had the chance to say. He needed to say sorry. 

She'd turned around and was silently examining the squashed peaches in her hand. 

"Think these are buggered I guess." She sadly said, throwing them in the bin. 

"I'm sorry Molly." He blurted out. 

"Calm down. They are only bloody peaches." She answered back, then slowly raised her head to look at his intense gaze, realising that perhaps he was apologising for something more important that crushed fruit. "Oh." 

"I'm so sorry. I can't believe it's taken us, me so long to say it" He clung onto to kitchen top, holding himself up, holding himself back. 

"Oh." Was all she could again offer. 

"Molly I never meant to hurt you. Never….not once. You were everything to me." 

She dropped her eyes away from his. Nervous under his scrutiny. 

"I hated myself for what I did to us. It was my fault. But at the time, to begin with I didn't think like that. You ended it, told me to go. So I did." 

Her head snapped up. 

"You were ill, you wouldn't get help. You pushed and pushed me away. I had no choice." She gently replied. "That's all I could do; to save myself. You were drowning and taking me with you."

"I know. I didn't at first but eventually I did. Got help. Made me realise. I'm so sorry Molly."

"Yeah. You said. For what it's worth I am too." She attempted a smile at him. 

"You've nothing to be sorry for. I guess I was the one to mess up."

"Nah. Guess we both did that." She was nervous she still didn't know who else was in the house, worried about exposing herself too much in front of others. "Look thanks and that, but we need to get on." She skilfully tried to move the subject on.

"Oh right." He was deflated. He'd expected more of an open honest heart to heart once they'd started. It was something he needed to do, it was something that him and Georgie had talked about over the years; his need to make amends with Molly. "Maybe later?" He hopefully asked.

"Yeah. Maybe." Was her non-committal reply. "Later."

They both spent the next couple of hours very much separate, doing the numerous chores to help Edward's homecoming easier. To her relief she discovered that Georgie was not there today. For now it was just her, Charles, and Sam. A little family unit. Just like the old times, even though Sam still hadn't got out of bed!

Eventually Edward came home. The house a busy flurry of activity in welcoming home the patriarch. All talk was friendly, familial and on no level personable at all. The banter was light and non-intrusive. Molly stated to relax as the day went on, and as the evening meal started to get prepared it was obvious that there were only settings for the four of them, she finally let go and relaxed completely. It would be just Charles, Sam, Edward, and her tonight.

Edward ate his favourite meal like he'd never been fed, enjoying every second of being home again. The four of them laughed at old stories he'd told a hundred times before. He reminisced about his life with Elizabeth, and Charles' childhood. Telling embarrassing stories that made Charles blush. They weren't new tales to anyone's ears, but no one minded. Tonight was Edward's night and they hoped he would enjoy it. It felt so good, and once or twice Molly and Charles found themselves catching each other's glances and shyly smiling at each other again.

At the end of the meal Molly excused herself, and with slight reluctance at being taken away from the comfortable scene, took a call. Charles noted the big grin spreading across her face however as soon as she heard the voice on the other end of the line. He tried not to listen as he tidied up, but as she was sat at the bottom of the stairs it was hard not to ear the surprisingly girly laughter that she produced frequently during her conversation. She giggled like to use to giggle, like she used to giggle for him in the days he'd made her happy. He was sure, fairly certain she was flirting with the other person on the phone, and she was enjoying it. It hurt to hear as he remembered the countless calls they had made to each other over the years, desperate to have some connection during their periods of separation. In the early days a lot of their blossoming relationship was played out over the phone, and it had always been one of the things he had missed about her in his life….that he no longer had the right to pick up the phone to call her.

After leaving her alone for half an hour, her laughter not stopping, he eventually let his curiosity get the better of him and went in to the hall way and interrupted her.

Purposefully he walked over to her with a piece of chocolate cake, offering it to her and saying.

"Oh shit Molly. Didn't realise you were still on the phone." He lied and gave her a beautiful smile by way of a pretend apology.

She flashed him an annoyed looked and quickly ended the call. Not sharing any clues with him as to who it was. Promising whoever it was she was talking to that she'd see them tomorrow night.

Taking the cake he still had in his out stretched hand she mumbled an offering of thanks to him. He knew she'd not resist the cake.

He sat down next to her on the stairs, uninvited, but not unwelcomed. They were both silent for a while, Charles just sat watching her eat the cake.

"So was that the boyfriend then?" He laughed out, trying to start a conversation.

She choked on her cake.

"Err yes it was." She admitted in between coughs.

"Oh. Shit. Sorry Molly. I... errr... didn't... well that is Sam said you weren't. Anyway that's nice." The answer didn't exactly surprised him, but still he regretted it. He didn't have the right to though. He had his life and she was getting on with her life, but still his heart hurt.

"Yeah it is. Thanks for the cake." She nodded to him, standing trying to leave.

"Molly? Can we talk?" He blurted out.

"Don't know what there is left to say Charles. Not anymore. Look let's just get tonight over and I'm off home tomorrow. There's no need."

"But there is. I want to." He grabbed softy at her arm as he stood.

"You want to." She glared at him. "I bloody wanted to all those years ago but you didn't. So no Charles….now it's too late…..there's no point. Just drop it."

She angrily stormed away, offered her apologies to Sam and Edward and made her way to bed. Wishing she hadn't had so much wine with the dinner that had lulled her into a false sense of happiness, then maybe she could have driven herself home. Taking herself away from the situation completely, but she couldn't. One part of her wanted to hear Charles' side of the story, but the other half, the half that wanted to survive and live a life without him, wanted it to be firmly shut away.

"You're not being fair to him." Edward kindly said the next morning. "I guess he just wants to talk. Is that so bad?"

"No. It's not, but you see I just don't want to hear it." Molly answered as she packed the last of her stuff in her weekend bag. "Can we leave it?" She pleaded.

"Of course and thank you." He said going over to her and giving her a goodbye hug. "You've been amazing."

"I know." She sniggered. "See you soon yeah?" And she turned to leave.

Charles was just coming down the stairs as she made her way into the hall. He knew she'd try to leave early but he hadn't expected this early.

"You're off?" He asked pointlessly seeing the bag in her hands.

Raising an enquiring eyebrow at him she relied.

"Err yes!" Then turned to leave.

"Molly wait please. Can't we just..." He never finished his sentence.

"Can't we just what Charles?" She'd spun round to face him, anger bubbling up. "What? What is there left to say. You went one way and got what you wanted. I went another. That's all."

"No that's not all." Charles bravely tried again. It was obvious she wanted nothing from him, but he wanted closure of some sort in the very least. "I need you to know that I'm sorry. I got it all wrong. You told me to go. So I did, but I didn't want to."

"Don't you dare blame this on me." She snapped. "Don't you bloody dare. It was you who destroyed what we had….you and her."

The coloured drained from his face.

"What do you mean?" He quietly asked.

"You know exactly what I mean Charles. I may have said we needed to end, but it was you that made it happen. It was you who caused it." The tears stung her eyes as she tried so hard not to cry in front of him.

"Molly..." Was all he could offer. He could see her heart breaking again because of him.

"Don't you Molly me. You and her Charles. You and bloody Georgie Lane. What? You think I wouldn't know? You think I didn't have handful of so called mates rushing up to my door to tell me?"

"Shit." He move towards her and attempted to take her in his arms.

"No. Stop. Stay away." She screamed at him. "It's over. We're over. No words will change it. You made sure of that the day you bloody went and shagged Georgie behind my back." With that she left. Slamming the door.

Charles slid down to the bottom stair. His fears realised. She knew. She'd known all along, and that's why they never stood a chance. They'd never stood a chance because he made the wrong choice, the wrong move. He'd chosen Georgie and because of that he truly had lost Molly forever.


	5. Chapter 5

**Carousel**

 **Chapter** 5

"I can't believe it. He really said that?" Jacqui asked amazed at what she had just heard. 

"Yes he bloody did." Molly shot back taking a huge mouthful of cake, grabbing the opportunity to treat herself without judgement. It made her friend giggle as the cream dropped onto her top. Molly's expression was one of horror as she now realised her sin would be found out. 

"So what did you say Molly?"

"Well what can you say to something like that?" Molly answered back, wiping the cream from her top and sucking her fingers. 

Jacqui waited patiently to get her friend's full attention again. They were in the middle of their weekly FaceTime season with each other when Molly dropped her bomb shell! One that had been eating her up all week, desperate to share since it had happened. 

"Well I know what I'd say if a man said something like that to me... but with you Molly Dawes who knows." Her friend truthfully answered. 

Molly looked straight at her friend on screen. Questioning Jacqui's opinion of her.  
"I'm not that bad. Am I? Any way…..yes….I told him straight. When he said it. Course I told him that I loved him too." 

She beamed remembering how the night before last Steve holding her close whilst in bed had whispered that he loved her. Softly gently, as though it was a secret he didn't want anyone else to hear. Just her. She was surprised at how it made her feel. It had been a very long time since someone had said those words to her, and when he did it just seemed right. 

"Wow." Squealed Jacqui. "And do you?" 

"Course I do." Molly instantly retorted. "Yeah. I do. I really think I do. It's been months now. I'm happy with him." 

"Well bugger me sideways Molly Dawes in love! Never thought I'd see this day happen." Her friend sang out.

Her words rang true because if truth be known Molly had never thought this day would happen either. Yet it had. Her and Steve got on really well. She liked his company, felt good with him. She had without ever knowing the time or the place, fallen for him. He was a good bloke, kind and thoughtful to her, and yes she loved him. Despite the crazy get fit and healthy eating regime he had got them on.

Admittedly she didn't love love love him the way she had loved loved loved Charles, but she knew she'd never get that type of love again and was very content for the love she did feel for Steve. 

"So what happens now? Should I buy a moving in present? Or a hat even?" Jacqui giggled. 

"No." Molly snorted out. "But I am taking him to meet my folks next week." 

"Oh my God. This really is serious isn't it?" It made Jacqui very happy that Molly had finally moved on. 

"Yeah. Jax it really is. I like him, love him. We're off to some type of emergency service ball somewhere in London so I thought we'd pop in and see my folks too."

"I'm happy for you Mols. Really happy." Then she went silent and looked away from the screen. "Heard anything from Charles since last time?" She asked. 

"No not a word. Don't expect to either. I told him very clearly I didn't want to hear it. And I don't. I just want to move on. We have nothing more to say to each other."

"I can't believe he thought you did know. I mean talk about dense!" Jacqui expostulated.

"Well that's men for you I guess." She laughed, but realised it was probably more down to the PTSD he was suffering at the time, throwing reality and decisions off kilter in his world that had made him unrealistic in what the rest of the world knew about him. "Anyway I don't want to think about him anymore."

"Good for you girl. Forget him and little Miss 'I can't keep my knickers on' Lane." Jacqui offered by way of support. 

Molly laughed at this. "I think you'll find that's Mrs 'I can't keep my knickers on' James now , wife of a certain Mr Charles 'I can't keep it in my trousers' James." And with that both friends howled with laughter until the call eventually ended. 

Steve insisted that they stayed over at a hotel. He said it would just be easier. Molly didn't really mind, but would have liked him to have considered spending more time with her family than just an afternoon. She felt however like a teenager taking him home to meet her parents again if she was honest. The first man she had ever done this to was Charles, all those years ago, and it had worked out so well. He was welcomed and accepted by her family, frequently over the years actively seeking out their company out of love rather than loyalty to Molly. She could only hope they felt the same way about Steve one day.

She was therefore sad that they weren't staying over and only had planned a brief visit. She had really wanted everyone to get to know one another. However Steve's plans for the day of the ball left little time for them to linger at her old family home, and certainly an overnight stay was not even considered by him. Molly remembered that in days gone by there had been plenty of times when her and Charles squashed together on her Mum's old lumpy sofa. Whispering and giggling into the night their declarations of love, hoping not to disturb any one, but unable to stop.

Now however things were different, more so than just her and Charles not being together. The house was quiet and empty most of the time. Her brothers and sisters had all eventually left home, created their own lives, and that would have meant there was finally now space for her to have stayed over in comfort. However he'd skilfully persuaded her that to stay in a hotel close to where the ball was happening was the best answer to her dashed hopes. 

Her family's meeting with Steve went as well as Molly expected it to. All her siblings returned home to meet him. Her Mum and Gran were polite, and curious, wondering what it was about this man that Molly found so appealing that had finally allow her to move on. They knew therefore that he must be something special. Steve was the charming man she knew he would be, and so because he was such a nice guy her family soon felt at ease with him and made him feel welcome. However that did not stop then all performing the usual '101 questions' routine on him, almost the exact same one they had chosen to perform on Charles. No matter what he answered they could see that Molly was happy and that was all that mattered to them. In summary the afternoon went as successful as she could have hoped. 

The time passed quickly, and Molly felt an old but never forgotten twang of homesickness as she waved bye to her family. They all had over the years, through all her traumas, been so supportive, that she missed being close to them as she once had been. As she drove away, Steve settling himself down for a power nap in the passenger seat, she appreciated all that she had been through to get her there. She would have relished Steve staying awake, helping her navigate the now unfamiliar streets of the capital city in an attempt to get to their hotel, but he remained firmly asleep. On arriving they had their first little tiff in the car park, the stress of the journey and the lack of help from him becoming all a bit too much for Molly. However they soon made up, once he'd made her realise just how silly she had been about it all.

The ball itself was something that Molly wasn't' really looking forward to. She was doing this for Steve. Her past memories of dos such as these always brought back the images of her and Charles and much happier times. It had therefore been a long time since she had attended anything so fancy, and to hide her nerves, her slight degree of reluctance, she pulled out all the stops in dressing for the occasion. 

"Wow you look amazing." Said Steve as she walked out of the bathroom fully dressed and almost ready to go. She'd spent hours in the bathroom dressing, plucking, grooming to give herself a degree more confidence than she truly had. 

She appreciated his look of pride as she entered the room. His face lit up on her entrance.

"Bloody hell mate you look pretty hot too." And he did. Formally attired, tall, strong. An image any lady would have been proud to have as her date for the night. She giggled as he pulled her into his safe arms. 

"So are you ready to go and meet all of my colleagues then? He said, leading her out the door, she happily held onto his hand as he led her to the ballroom, hoping that at least until the first few glasses of Dutch Courage had gotten into her system he'd never let go. 

She had only met a few of his colleagues before now. On station nights out, and generally only very briefly as she picked him up at the end of an evening, so this was the first official 'tell everyone about them' outing and she was a little bit more than just nervous. She however giggled and answered questions and behaved like the perfect girlfriend for them all. She could see Steve beaming with pride at having her by his side, and that made her feel happy about herself. At one stage left alone in a group of male police officers she actually found that a bit of the old Molly Dawes was returning, and she was able to return their banter just in the cheeky way she always used to. Steve however was never too far away from her. Frequently checking on her to make sure she was having a good time, ready to return to her side if needed. 

As the night went on she became braver, even danced a few times, but always with Steve, he liked her close. It was during one of the few times he'd left her on her own, as he moved towards the bar to get more fizz, that she saw him.

He had his back to her but there was no mistaking him. Memories of her past life flooded her brain, and briefly for just a moment threatened to overcome her. Although he was not in military attire and was wearing the standard dinner jacket and bow tie she was left in no doubt as to who it was. This formidable military man sharing once again the same space as her. She hesitated, wondering whether or not she should make herself scarce, or whether she should face the situation like the brave girl she was and go and say hello. 

The decision was taken out of her hands however, long before she had made one. He caught sight of her, and did a double take, not believing it was her. Once he assured himself it was, never doubting that he could be mistaken he walked confidently, but quickly, up to her as though he was scared she'd run.

"Good God Molly. What are you doing here?" He asked in surprise. Unsure whether to lean over to kiss her on the cheek. "I never thought I would see you again…. it's been a long time." 

"Yes it has." She politely answered back to him. There had always been something about him that automatically ensured you gave him a degree of respect when speaking to him. Old habits she thought always died hard. "It's been a long time." Realising that she did have good memories of their past and it was, no matter what had happened to their friendship over the years, still good to see him. 

"What are you doing here?" They both asked at the same time. Out of politeness, and as he was ever the gentleman Molly went first 

"I'm with Steve…. my boyfriend, Steve. He's a copper" She felt a bit silly telling him that. "You? 

"I'm here to fill a table up. My daughter. She's a junior doc at one of the London hospitals. I here supporting her." He proudly answered tipping his head in the general direction of a group of young people, whom she thankfully recognised no one from.

Before they could continue, before they could ask each other questions they would probably in other circumstances been desperate to ask, Steve returned and placed a claiming arm around Molly's shoulders, which she grateful stepped into. She saw his head turn enquiring to her, silently requesting an introduction 

Ever mindful of manners Molly began.

"Steve. Can I introduce Lieutenant Colonel Rodger Becks. This is Steve Harkness." Then quietly, shyly she added, almost as though she was prompted by Steve's slight squeeze to her shoulders. "My boyfriend." 

Both men shook hands heartily, weighing each other up. Steve, wondering whether he should consider this man as a threat. Beck because he had known Molly when she was part of the Molly and Charles package and he was curious as to the type of man his former friend had ended up with. 

So?" Steve asked before anyone else got the chance to talk. "How do you two know one another?" It was polite question, but there was just a hint of interrogation about it that boarded on the not so comfortable. 

For months now Molly had been wanting to tell Steve her past, but she hadn't. Now in this room on this happy night it was obvious that her deception was about to be revealed. 

Beck however was not a man to be easily intimidated. He friendly smiled and looked at Steve replying.

"Dawes. I mean Molly was under my command when her section was deployed in Afghan." Beck innocently answered. 

Molly watched Steve's face as he took the news in. 

Beck blissfully continued. "Your first ever tour wasn't it Molly? Got the MC I believe too. Incredible. She had some guts. Fine soldier." He praised her, garnering a shy smile from her. Even though those days were behind her, she still enjoyed praise from her seniors. 

After a few more polite lines of conversation Becks left them and they were alone. She was unsure where to begin.

Fearfully she turned herself to Steve. 

"Look I was gonna say. Gonna tell you." She started. 

He gently grabbed her shoulders in both hands and looked at her directly in the face. Anxious, curious, but not mad, she noted. 

"The Army? Molly? The MC? Shit." He laughed out, totally bewildered. 

"I'm sorry Steve." She merely said. Realising she probably just fucked up the best relationship she'd had in a very long time. The information he had just gleaned about her past life in five minutes was more than she had ever shared with him over the past nigh on six months. She quickly looked around her, planning her escape as she expected that his anger would eventually show. 

Instead she was surprised by what he did next. He just smiled at her, a genuine smile, and pulled her half in to him for a hug. 

"It's ok Molly. You'll tell me one day." He trustingly said.

Nodding her head as she spoke.

"You're not mad?" She was amazed. 

"Nothing to be mad about. I love you. I'm here whenever you want to tell me anything. I guess you've your reasons. Not knowing doesn't make me love you less." He ever so simply stated. 

With those words Molly fell just a little bit more in love with Steve, a little bit more than maybe she had before the start of the night. She knew that in Steve she had found someone who was going to be patient with her, but the time had now, had very definitely come, for her to open up all the wounds she had tried so hard to cover up. 

And so they talked. Not that night, and not even the next day, but they did eventually talk. He never pushed her, he never judged her. She told him all. She started at the beginning of her and Charles' fairy tale, at their few happy years they had in between, finishing off with the nightmare that had become their life and the end of them. She tried to be brave, she tried to portray Charles as the wounded soldier that he was, and not in the bad light that she knew Steve was probably secretly judging him by. It troubled her that she still wanted to protect Charles, still didn't want others to think too badly of him, despite his infidelity. Even at the very beginning when telling her family about what had happened, she had always fiercely defended her past love, and so she found that although she hadn't told this story for a long time, she was still doing the same.

If anything Molly being honest about her past, her failed marriage, her stupidity and perhaps immaturity in dealing with Charles' PTSD made her and Steve even closer. He'd listened and just held her, comforting her when the story just became too hard to tell. He did everything right, yet there was still some part, some tiny part of her heart that felt as though by telling her story, one she shared with Charles, she had betrayed Charles and the love they had had. She still felt it was theirs and no one else's.

"Oh my God. That was a killer shift." He threw himself down on the sofa of her flat. Tom had moved out weeks ago to live with Jenny. Molly had the flat all to herself. She was toying with the idea about advertising for a new flat mate, but had never got round to it.

There was, she knew, an unspoken understanding that soon, very soon she'd move in with Steve, give up her independence once again, and live with a man. Everyone expected it, he hadn't yet asked, and Molly honestly didn't know what she would say when he did. She knew for the sake of their relationship what she had to say, but wondered if it was really was deep down what she truly wanted.

"Oh poor baby. Were the nasty bad guys playing rough with you." She sat down next to him and pulled his head on to her lap. Stroking his creased brow.

He'd been on a week's run of night shifts and she had missed him. For the past week it had been him coming home to hers just as she had to shoot out of the door for work every morning. However that wasn't what was happening this morning. This morning was the start of her weekend, and the beginning of his rest days. So after he'd caught up on several hours of sleep they would be able to have some time together. She was looking forward to it. She'd missed him this week, though also appreciated her alone time and independence. Over the past weeks, since she told him all, she had noticed that he had become very attentive towards her. She knew he was doing so in order for her to feel reassured, to try to help heal the recently opened wounds of her past, but after years of total and utter independence she sometimes found it all a bit much.

"Yeah. Think this is a young man's game." He teased her, and sat up for a kiss. "How about you make me a bacon butty, I'll have a shower and you come back to bed with me?"

She was tempted, she still hadn't got dressed and had no real plans for their day together. She could think of worse things to do on a Saturday morning. She loved how even sleep ruffled he wanted her.

"You're on." She accepted his offer and jumped up heading towards the kitchen.

The front door bell rang and she hollered out to him to get it. Sleep ruffled she was, and even though Steve saw her through loved up eyes as beautiful, she doubted that the postman would be so generous.

She heard him mutter under his breath that she had got him to leave the comfort of the sofa, and answered the door, beyond that she heard nothing more until he was stood behind her minutes later.

"Who was it she asked." Not turning. Concentrating on balancing bacon and eggs in her hands from the fridge. She was going to give him the full Monty this morning, full English followed by mind blowing sex! That's how happy she was right now.

"It's for you." He sourly answered and she turned to look, her smile leaving her face when she saw his look.

"Who is it then?" She asked fear gripping her.

"Said they would prefer that I didn't say. Said if you knew who it was you wouldn't see them." He turned and pointed to the sitting room. "They are in there."

Molly dropped everything carefully back into the fridge and reluctantly made her way through to the other room.

When she saw the person standing there she was unable to stop the cry of hurt that escaped her lips. The soldier in front of her stood straight and worried, aware that their presence was most definitely not welcomed.

"Just what the fuck are you doing here? How did you find me?" Molly almost growled at them.

There was no answers to her question, instead the soldier got straight to the point.

"I'm here to talk. We need to clear all this up. For everyone's sake."

"I don't need to talk to you." Molly screamed. "I've never wanted to. Still don't."

"I know but we have to. We can't just pretend it didn't happen." And with that the soldier sat down on the sofa. and started to as best as they could in such a hostile environment make themselves comfortable.

Molly was paralysed. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. A nightmare realised. Here in her home right before her eyes sat her nemesis.

Georgie Lane.

Georgie, who had taken away her Charles was now here in front of her wanting to talk!


	6. Chapter 6

**Carousel**

 **Chapter 6**

"Don't even bother to put your cheating arse on my sofa. I want you out of here now." Molly yelled at Georgie. She was amazed of the gall this woman had. 

Molly's shouts were so loud that it caused Steve to come running in. 

"What the ... Molly you ok?" He looked around the room to assess the threat that she might have been under. 

"Yes I'm bleeding fine I just need this bitch out of my house." She then turned back to Georgie. "You going under your own steam or do you want my foot to help you? Cause nothing would give me greater pleasure!" 

"Calm down Molly." Steve pleaded. He'd never seen Molly this angry before. 

"No I won't. I want her gone." Was what Molly spat back. Her eyes dark and menacing, never once leaving Georgie's. 

Georgie just sat there. Not saying a word. Hoping that Molly would calm down. Shocked at how angry Molly was with her after all these years. She'd expected some shouting, but not to be met with utter rage. 

"Steve get her out of my house or I swear to God I won't be responsible." 

"Look Molly please." Piped up Georgie. "I know you know. We both, well we both never knew that you did. It's killing us this guilt. We're sorry. Please can we talk?"

"I think you just need to hear what she has to say." Steve reasoned. He walked over to her and in a way she found infuriating and patronising, he tried to soothe her. 

"No I don't. Either she goes or I do." Molly screamed. 

Georgie stood up realising it was a lost cause. "I'll go. I'm sorry." Acting as though she was the one who was wronged. 

"Yeah think it's for the best." Steve said. "I'm sorry about all this." He offered politely to Georgie. 

"Don't you dare say sorry to her. Don't take her side. It's what she does. Bats them false eyelashes at blokes, sticks her tits out and gets everything her own way. OUT. NOW." 

Georgie hurried to the door now fearful of Molly's anger. 

"I am sorry Molly, so sorry." She said on leaving, as a parting gift. 

And with no more to say a visibly shaken Georgie turned and left. 

Steve showed Georgie to the door, and after a few moments of conversation with her he returned to find Molly sobbing on the floor. 

"She had no right. No right to come here. I was moving on. She's just gone and ruined that." Molly sobbed.

Steve just held her. Shocked at how wild she had become just in Georgie's mere company. He let her sob and sob. That was all he could do so he let her. 

Molly lay there broken on the floor, held in Steve's arms. All the happiness she had felt earlier had just come crashing down around her. Wondering why they couldn't just leave her alone. Why they, who had everything, didn't just leave her to find something of her own. She felt as though she had been tortured by Georgie's visit. She felt as though she had been tortured by her presence in her life for such a long time, and finally when she was just starting to escape Georgie turned up on her doorstep. 

"Come on love. Let's get you back to bed." He cooed in her ear. She was too caught up in her grief to protest and allowed him to blindly guide her to the bed. He tucked her up like a child , kissed her forehead and stayed with her until she fell into an exhausted sleep. 

She woke hours later, alone in her bed. Surrounded by nothing but sodden tissues. The flat was cold and empty too. There was no sign of Steve. She was angry, so angry but felt as though there was nothing left inside her to show it, so she just lay there. Drained, and sad. Each positive step, each small inch forward she had made over the years attempting to get over her heart ache had just been smashed by one visitation. Her life story played on a carousel, the emotions going around and around, and she could see no sign as to how to get off. 

She hurt all over again, and she hurt because it was all so unfair. Unfair that Charles had chosen Georgie. Unfair that she despite trying just couldn't let go of the love she still had for him. Unfair that her one shot of happiness had been tainted by a past she had hoped she could have hidden and controlled. 

As she pottered around the flat, she realised that all though years ago maybe she should not have ran. She should have given Charles a chance to explain, she could have listened, perhaps even understood a bit better. But she hadn't. 

Trying not to dwell she kept herself busy, showering and making herself cups of tea that she never drank. She felt lovely. She wanted someone to be there for her. The most lonely she had felt in such a long time. 

Eventually, hours later Steve returned. She'd been all alone for most of the day. Too sad to notice how on his return he was cautious with her. She guessed the reason why he'd only just returned was that she'd scared him away with her anger towards Georgie. So she was grateful when her front door opened and she heard his voice calling softly in the bedroom doorway. He had come back, and that was something. 

"Hey. Molly. You awake?" And seeing that she was he went to the bed where she sat and held her. He smelt of warm cosy places, that she couldn't put her finger on. "How you doing?" He asked softly. 

"Ha. That's a question." She wiped the tears from her swollen eyes. She was calmer now, but still so confused. "Has she really gone? She not back is she?" Suddenly having a thought that Georgie may return for round two. 

Steve laughed and stared to kick off his shoes to lie on the bed next to her. "No she's gone. She's definitely gone." 

He'd obviously been home and changed she notice. Probably had some sleep too as he looked fresh, smart, handsome and due to her recent behaviour very alert. She understood that he'd stayed with her until she fallen asleep, for that she was grateful, but she told him she so would have loved it if he had stayed and had been there when she woke. He looked ashamed at her confession. 

"You ok?" She asked him. He seemed distant. She worried she had scared him off. 

A derisive laugh escaped from his mouth. "Me? Shit Molly what about you? What about poor Georgie? That was some scene."

She pulled herself out of his arms as soon as the words had left his lips. Once again where that woman was concerned her senses on high alert. 

"What do you mean 'poor Georgie?" She asked directly. 

"Well just that. It was one hell of a tongue lashing you gave her. She was pretty shook up when she left." He answered avoiding her eyes. 

"I didn't ask her to come." Molly snapped back, pulling on jeans and a jumper. "She brought it all on herself." 

"No. I know that." Steve said sitting on the edge of the bed. "But she did come. You could have listened." 

Shit. Here we go again Molly thought in her head. Another man swayed by her pathetic act of weakness. She'd seen Georgie play that part countless times before when Elvis was alive, and it always worked. 

"Why. Why the shitting hell would I do that?" She stared at Steve incredulous. "Why Steve?" She pushed on. 

"Cause what she had to say might have helped. Closed the door on all this. You obviously still have feelings about it all." 

"Closed the door. Closed what bloody door. What you on about Steve?" Her voice starting to rise higher than a decent conversation warrants. 

"All I'm saying is that she's eaten up with guilt. She needs to say sorry. She needs you to hear her side of what happened." He squirmed as the words left his mouth. 

She rounded on him with utter disbelief. 

"And just how the bloody hell do you know this?" She snapped. 

Steve stood up and walked towards her. Carefully as though he was approaching a wild animal, and to an extent he was. 

"Cause she told me." He quietly told her. It was so quiet that she doubted for a moment as to whether he'd actually said those damming words. 

Yet he had. 

"She told you when? Oh shitting hell. You've only gone and met up with her haven't you?" And she turned herself away from his arms. Betrayed, angry, everything broken yet again. Thank you Georgie. 

"Come on Molly be reasonable. She was in a state. You scared the shit out of her. I needed to check she was ok."

She watched him fully appreciating how another man had become ensnared by her charms... Georgie was a master at this. 

"What?" Molly screamed at Steve's' plea. She started scanning around the room for tools to help her in her escape, an escape that she knew she needed for everyone's sakes. 

"Look I just met her for a coffee. You were asleep. I needed to check she was ok." He tonelessly droned on, foolishly defending himself. 

"Check she was ok? What about me? I was the one you left alone. Me, your girlfriend. The one you're meant to love." 

She pulled on socks and her walking boots, knowing that she was so close to running. Hoping there was something here that would make her want to stay. "Steve what about me?" 

"Like I said you were asleep." He sensible replied back. 

"I was, for a while. Not all day, and when I woke you weren't here. You were with her though weren't you?" 

She took in his attire, realising he looked good really good. He'd made an effort. When he first came in Molly had assumed it was for her, now she knew it wasn't. It had all been for Georgie. 

"Look I didn't see the harm. I wanted to hear her side." He bravely continued. 

"Her side. Her fucking side. I told you. Me, my husband that she shagged. They betrayed me. That's all you need to know." 

The tears were pouring down her face, she had just been betrayed all over again. 

"Hell Molly. I just thought... well it has been ten years. I was wondering why you're still holding on to it. Thought there was something you hadn't told me." 

"Well there wasn't was there." She slipped down on the kitchen chair, exhausted. 

"Really Molly? Really? According to Georgie it was you who ended your marriage. You told him to go. It was over when they got together." He shouted back at her. 

"No." She shouted and stood up. "No it wasn't. I told you. He ended it not me. Him and her. Why don't you believe me?" 

Again using techniques he employed on the job he tried to calm her down. 

"I do, but maybe after all this time you got it a bit mixed up. Maybe you need to talk to Georgie to get it straight in your head." 

Molly had heard enough. Too much. There was nothing for her here, nothing to make her any more. She grabbed her bag, keys and ran out of the flat. 

Hours and hours later she'd reach a sensible level of calmness. Knowing that there was no going back. Her time with Steve was over. He'd been curious, had gone behind her back and had been worked on by Georgie, and had started to doubt Molly's version of events. That wasn't his job, his job was to be the loyal boyfriend who would believe her no matter what. Not have his head and loyalty turned by a beautiful face and a cracking arse! 

Since leaving her flat she'd spent most of her time in the car. First driving, then just sitting until the dawn came. She'd known exactly where she was heading to when she left her flat and now she was here she was just simply enjoying the view.

The basic needs of food, toilet stops etc. had all been dealt with on the way. Now all she had to do was find that calmness in her nut that this place always brought her, and once she had that then she need to plan. Plan not necessarily for today or tomorrow, but for one day soon. 

Her mobile phone once again beeped, and once again she ignored it. She knew who it would be. To the person who kept trying to contact her, she had nothing at this time to say. Maybe soon, but definitely not now. 

He wasn't who she wanted, as she drove is became so clear who she still wanted. As many times before when the going got tough there was only one pair of arms she wanted to be held in. Arms that in days gone by wouldn't have let go as soon as she slept, but would have stayed, because back then he felt almost lost without her, lost as she still did now without him. 

The sun very slowly started to come over hills. The scene was breath taking. Molly took in the beauty of it all, it was one of her favourite sights ever. This was her special place, only hers. Once, twice maybe she had shared it with a certain special someone but that was long ago, and she had never shared it since. If it couldn't be theirs she reasoned, quite rightly it would just be hers. 

Leaving the safety of the car, she ventured out to the grassland. She lay back on the dew damp grass and allowed it so penetrate her clothes, the seeping like a process of peacefulness sinking into her. She was tired. The long drive and emotion of the day before catching up on her. She drifted off into a happy dream like state, where, for a while, she could pretend everything was right in her world. 

It was the irritating smell of coffee that brought her slowly back to reality. Slowly opening her eyes she reluctantly sat up. Sleep fogged it took her awhile to comprehend what her tired eyes were seeing. Her confusion, and the total out of context of it all, meant that slowly very slowly she began to appreciate who was there next to her. 

"Brought you a tea, and a bacon butty from the car park van. Best get them while they're hot." He said turning to her and smiling. Taking a deep drink of his coffee, he closed his eyes savouring the relief he felt in finding her. 

She'd noticed he'd brought a blanket to sit on and at some stage, she presumed when she was in her dream land, he'd covered her over with another to keep her warm. 

She wondered if she still was dreaming. She needed to test it out and with a degree of doubt said. 

"Charles? What you doing here?" Praying he wasn't a figment of her imagination. 

"Come to find you. Folks were worried." He turned and handed her her breakfast. Suddenly she was very hungry and silently accepted them. 

"What? How though?" She asked just before she started to devour her food. He'd even remembered the tomato ketchup and something deep down inside her smiled. 

"Steve called Tom. Tom called Sam. Sam called me. That's a lot of men you've had chasing around after you Molly." He smiled at her. 

"But how did you know I'd be here?" She asked, but in truth she knew the answer. Despite everything despite the missing years, no one knew her like Charles. 

"Well after the shit you've put up with in the past 24hrs...where else would you be?" It was that simple to him. He knew this place was her special place, and she had when they'd been trouble free, shared it with him. He knew it meant a lot, something precious to her, so he knew this was exactly where she'd be when she ran. He wondered just how many times over the years she'd done exactly that, used this place as the salve to her broken soul. He even wondered with a ferocious degree of jealousy if she'd ever shared this place with anyone else. Yes, he knew it was Molly's place, but he was once part of her to and so he claimed some ownership by default. 

Silence hung between them for a while, both enjoying the view and the warmth the sun was bringing to this chilly morning. 

"I heard you had a visitor." He asked staring straight ahead. Reluctant to break the comfortable silence, but needing to. He need to check she was ok. 

"Yeah. You could say that" She replied, amazed that she didn't want to run anymore. Talking to him was nice, not forced, no anger, just nice. 

"What was she thinking? Stupid woman. You know I didn't ask her too, don't you?" He queried. 

Molly was surprised at his criticism of Georgie. 

"No? Thought you might have." Then drawing in a long controlling breath she asked. "Is she alright?" She asked because Molly always cared about others no matter what. 

"Don't know. Guess so, she usually is. Imagine she's back at home now with the kids... and Marco." He replied finishing the last of his coffee. He still looked determinedly ahead. 

"Marco? Who's that? Thought you had girls." Molly's curiosity was spiked at the mention of another child's name. 

He turned, finally, fully to her, taking in her swollen eyes and blotchy face. Hair tangled and messed up but still to him she'd never looked more beautiful. 

"Girls? I don't have girls. Only Sam." He creased his forehead fearful of the conclusions Molly seemed to have jumped to. 

He continued. 

"Marco is Georgie's husband." He slowly explained watching how the information started to sink into her brain. Almost pin pointing the second it all made since to her. 

"Marco is her husband?" She bleated out. "Not you? They're not your girls?" She cringed in asking a question that made her sound like the stupidest stalker she'd ever known. How had she got it so wrong? 

"Shit Molly no. Please tell me you didn't think me and Georgie were together?" He laughed at the thought, then realised where the assumption came from. "No. Never. Well that once and only that once. Never again." He rushed on to explain. 

"Oh." Was all she meekly said, and before he had the chance to speak again she asked. "So this Marco who the bleeding hell is he then?" 

Charles laughed. He felt comfortable, able to do that cause they were talking. It wasn't his usual full on laugh that she used to love, but it was close. She was listening and she was asking questions. For the first time in ten years she wanted to know. 

"Well that sweetheart is where things in Georgie's life get even more messed up." He noticed how she secretly smiled as he called her by the never since spoken pet he'd given her all those years ago. 

"Marco is Elvis' younger brother!" He left a pause at the end of the sentence to let the dramatic effect of his words works. 

"Shut the bloody door." She cried out in surprise. "That's a bit messed up even by Georgie's standards." 

"I know. It's all a bit too odd for even me at times." He chuckled along with her. 

"So the girls are Marco's?" 

"Yes that right. Lovely girls, but painfully vain and hard work. Elvie who's 6 and Lucia nearly 4." Charles explained with little emotion or loyalty. 

"Oh." She thought back to the funeral and how she'd assumed that Georgie was talking about her and Charles' kids. Never once consider an alternative. Then she remembered the 'get well card' on Edward's hospital cabinet. 

"So they call your Dad 'Grandpa'?"

He looked at her confused. It was such a random question, until she explained why.

Charles answered.

"No don't think so. Dad's hardly ever met them, but their cousin, Laura does. We see a lot of her."

And with those words he smiled and the pride and loyalty she'd seen on his face at the funeral returned. It was Laura he'd been thinking of. 

Molly couldn't grasp all of this. Her carousel started to spin faster and faster with all the revelations, welcome though they were. 

"Laura? Elvis' kid with Debbie. The woman before Georgie?" She felt she needed to take notes, so this time there would be no misunderstanding between them. 

"Yes." He continued to smile. "She's 12 now and great. Very grown up mind you, but Debbie has done a great job with her. Sam and I see her a fair bit. My mum loved her. Dad does too. She's just so like Elvis, in every way. It's hard to miss him when she's in the room." He sighed at his still very much missed friend's memory. 

Again the silence fell over them, but this time it was Molly who broke it. 

"Charles?" 

"Yes Molly." He moved across to her and pulled the blanket around her shoulders to keep her warm. His coffee laced breath warming her face. Every sense in her body stood on end. 

"We need to talk." She smiled at him, hopeful. 

He smiled ever so slightly back at her, moving a clump of her tangle hair that had got trapped by the blanket, freeing so it wouldn't hurt her. 

"Yes. We do Molly." He simply replied. 

"Just not yet. Though. Yeah? For now can we just be us, sitting here enjoying this?" 

"We can do anything you want." He promised her. He was tempted to place a kiss on her nose to seal the deal, but he knew it was too soon. 

She rolled on to the blanket he sat on, and he hesitatingly lay down next to her too. 

As they lay there it was the only natural thing to do, she inched her hand across the blanket and held onto his cold fingers. Knitting them tightly in hers. 

"I still love you Molly. Never for one single day did I stop." He breathed out softly into the new day that had come upon them. This new day that had brought them a new understanding between each other. 

"Ditto."

Was all she replied the smile growing in her face. And they just lay there hand holding watching the new day arrive. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Carousel**

 **Chapter 7**

They walked slowly back to their cars, no longer holding each other's hands. Charles carrying his blankets, Molly their breakfast rubbish. It wouldn't have been practical, or at least that's what they both pretended was the reason for their lack of contact with each other. They were now for some reason slightly shy around one another. 

Charles and Molly had laid there next to each other on the rug for over an hour. Both very had been content, comfortable, and silent. Charles had been so content that had allowed the peacefulness to take over him and drifted off. Molly for a while lay there too next to him, not sleeping but watching. Never once imagining that she would once again feel the thrill of his sleeping body so close, it was too precious a feeling to waste on sleep. Eventually though she knew the reality of the day, their lives, needed to be faced, and so Charles' dreams were broken by Molly standing up and tidying away the rubbish. 

"Think we should go." She said as soon as she saw him sit up. He offered her a smiled. 

Charles Watched her, expecting something more, he felt a stab of disappointment as it led to nothing. He noticed that she didn't return his smile. Instead she looked worried, troubled, the bottom lip she was chewing on a familiar sign. 

"Yes. Ok then." Was all he felt safe to offer. She still seemed delicate. 

Their walk back to the cars continued in the silence that had somehow engulfed them. He kept hoping she'd say something anything, and kept stealing glances over at her as they walked. Molly however walked on not looking at him even once of that he was sure. He had no rights anymore, he could not push her, the next steps needed to come from Molly. The misunderstanding between his circumstances cleared up, but he still had no idea just where they stood with one another. He felt if he pushed he would destroy this delicate friendship that had developed between them. 

"So?" She broke him out if his thoughts. "I best... you know..." Holding onto her keys and indicating her car to him. 

"Right." He shuffled in front of her. Intent not to just let her go. Trying one last time. "You said we could talk?" 

"I did, didn't I? Yeah well we will. Just ...I don't know...soon. Ok?" She half smiled back at him praying this offer was enough to appease him. 

Charles realised she was desperate to leave his company . That hurt. She constantly played with her keys and kept opening and closing the car door. He stepped back from her. Out of her space. He was going to have to let her go. 

His heart had been so alive merely moments ago and now it seemed all was lost again. Molly's defences that had momentarily lowered were now back up. 

"Ok. You know where I am?" He sadly replied. "Look after yourself Molly." 

He wanted to hold her again, to give her a simple kiss, but he didn't. Instead he just turned and walked away, keeping the pain he was feeling from her. 

She watched him go. 

Missing him already. 

She smiled at how that was the way it always used to be, surprised that was how it still was. Even after all this time she still missed him. 

"Charles." She shouted to his back. He turned quickly, as though he'd been waiting for her to call him. The look of expectation not hard to miss on his face. 

"Thanks...you know for coming after me and that. Thanks." 

He smiled his smile. 

"I'll always come after you Molly. I love you." He simply replied to her words of thanks. 

Then before she could answer he dipped his head, stuffed his hands into his jeans pockets and walked just as quickly away. 

"Charles. She shouted after him again. She couldn't let him go, not just yet. She ran to him. 

He was surprised when he turned around this time that she was so close to him. She'd covered the distance between them quickly and she stood closer to him than before. 

"I don't though do I?" She smiled up at him. Tipping her head up to his to stress her point. He looked confused by what she just said. 

She carried on though enjoying his confusion. 

"I don't know where you are? Where to find you.? How to contact you? You've never said." She clarified. 

A special Charles James' smile broke out on his face, and they both started chuckling. Thrilled for an instance be in each other's closeness again. 

"Are you asking me for my phone number Molly Dawes?" She bravely nodded her head to his question, now smiling. 

He reached inside his jacket pocket and pulled out a pen. Then pulling her forearm towards him he rolled up the sleeve of her jumper. She giggled when she realised what he was about to do, and this made him braver. 

Slowly he wrote his phone number on her forearm. Scribing in their own unique manner. Ending the list of digits with a flourish….drawing a heart and a kiss alongside. She watched him intently during the task. His eyes constantly flickering to hers. Watching her watching him. It felt so familiar. So right. 

"There now you do." He commented as he finished. He let go of her arm, but was reluctant to let her go completely. He gently took hold of her cheeks, holding them both in the palm of his hands. Stroking her face lovingly with the pad of his thumbs. 

"Any time Molly. Any time. I'll be there for you." He quietly spoke. 

He noticed how she held his gaze and nodded at his words. This gave him hope. 

"I know." She quietly replied, matching his tone, as though they were sharing a secret no one else should hear. 

And then standing on her tip toes she placed a soft kiss on his cheek, briefly, much too briefly. 

She then turned around, never looked back, got into her car and drove away. 

The drive back for Charles was long. The Sunday traffic on the country roads making his task even harder, but he didn't notice, he didn't mind. Half his concentration was on the drive the other half on the two inch squared piece of flesh on his right check that Molly had kissed. He delicately rubbed his fingers over the spot, almost hoping to feel her kiss still. Touching it, remembering it felt glorious, as though that was the only piece of his body that was now alive. For so long he had hidden everything away, stopped all feelings when it came to matters of the heart. Yet here a simple peck on the cheek by Molly had, as he always knew it would, changed that. 

He was hopeful, and hours later as he arrived back at his house, close to camp, that hopefulness continued. 

It continued for the first couple of days. He found himself constantly checking his phone, constantly reassuring himself that he had a signal. Instructing everyone where phone silence was necessary that he couldn't possibly comply with that order as he was expecting an important call. 

Yet as the days turned into a week his hopes started to fade. She never called. 

He kicked himself that he hadn't taken her number, but at the time he believed that she would contact him. In her own time, and she had never offered it to him. He started to realise he most certainly had lost her again. She still didn't want to talk, she still didn't want him. They had those brief moments together on their hill , but that was it. It had been just enough for Molly, but certainly not enough for Charles. 

"God Dad. You look bloody awful." Sam huffed out as his Dad collapsed on a park bench. 

They'd come running together. Something they had always done. It was their father and son thing. Charles, however as the years went by, struggled more and more to out strip his son in the way he used to. However still it was something that they regularly did together. His pride never admitting defeat. Happy to accept the humiliation that occurred in the hands of his younger fitter son just to spend time with him. Until today, his heart wasn't in it. 

"Feel it. Your old man is getting old." He reasoned to his son. 

"Not that old." Sam jogged on the spot hating to break to his regime. "Still life in the old dog yet?" He teased. Sam knew his Dad was thinking about Molly, noticing the regret that tinged his voice. He tried to keep him positive. 

Charles however felt old. Tired of waiting for the life he wanted to restart. Accepting that the years had rolled by and so maybe had all his chances. 

"Don't think so. Think the 'old Dad' is just going to trot back to the house and curl up on the sofa for a bit." He replied to Sam. Feeling defeated in a way he'd never truly felt before. 

And so the two James men went their separate ways. Sam to continue his work out. Charles to return back home and start on their lunch. 

The house was lonely, cold and still after all these months of him living there it still had boxes that he had yet to unpack. Since his marriage to Molly ended he'd been living a transitory type of life. A couple of years with long term postings abroad, and a few short tours. Not settling anywhere long enough to make this his home. 

This posting however was to be his final one. Now in his early forties thoughts of retiring from the Army played on Charles' mind. He'd given them everything. The Army had in return given him a career and the promotion he had so desperately sort after. It had also give him a purpose after Molly left. 

Among his stored boxes there were also items packed away that his mother had wanted him to have. Things before her death she had deemed important for the family history that she now entrusted to Charles with the hope that one day he'd pass them on to Sam. 

He'd only briefly looked through these boxes over the past year, hadn't gone through them all in detail. Citing time as his reason, and not because of the sad memories it would invoke. Seeing them all standing there he now regretted that, feeling as though he was by ignoring them also ignoring his mother and her life. 

He set to work on them instantly. His curiosity started to get the better of him. The planned shower and lunch prep forgotten. He need to explore, needed memories as he was still missing his mother and her wise counsel daily. 

She'd never, not once, told him anything about Molly and her life after they ended. He'd always known that they had stayed in touch, and he had in the early days asked his mother about Molly a lot. 

However as time went on, as he started to heel he stopped asking about Molly, not because he didn't care, but because he really never needed to. His mother played a skilful game between them all, never breaking Molly's confidence, but somehow, every time she'd had contact with Molly she absent mindlessly left the letter or card out on the hall table for him to read. He never admitted he did, but he did, he read them all, and he very much guessed that his mother knew that. That had been the purpose of her game. 

So opening the box he wasn't surprised to find a stack of cards and letters addresses to his Mum from Molly. All carefully stored, and preserved. The correspondence started from the happy years, her time away on tours, all the way though their hard times, and eventual split. Molly had continued writing after that to his mother just as frequent during the ten years since. Molly shared with his mother everything about her world, and everything that was in her heart.

Charles sat there on his spare bedroom floor for hours. Sam had been and gone. Seeing the task his father was engrossed in he chose not to disturb him. Instead made him a coffee and some sandwiches leaving them on the bedroom floor. He then left closing the door silently behind his emotional father. 

It was dark before he surfaced again. He'd sat and read every single line of Molly's letters. Plotting the course of Molly's life through her own words. 

Some letters he remembered reading, others he had no recollection. Wondering if the saddest of Molly's letters his mother had purposely kept from him. Her letters ranged from her happiest days to the blackest, from excitement in her new adventure, to amazement as to what she could achieve, to eventual acceptance of what her life now was. 

For Charles it was heart breaking to read all her good times and all her bad times, and how she went through them all without him by her side. How he could only imagine those experiences, years later, could only share them with her because of the papers he held in his hands. 

Not for the first time he lamented just how much they both had lost, and he knew they never get it back again. Yet the thought still did not take away hope...hope that maybe they could still have some type of future together. 

The days without hearing from her eventually turned into weeks, which inevitable turned into months. Sam had visited again and tried to suggest that Charles used the phone number Sam had for Molly. Charles refused, he still held onto some misguide view that whatever they could have it all needed to come from Molly, and so refused it. Strongly, but wrongly perhaps, believing that if Molly wanted to talk to him then she would. 

Of all the people to change Charles' mind, to highlight the foolishness of his ways, it was Georgie. She succeeded where both Sam and Edward had failed. The voice of reason spoke to him during one of their very few meet ups...Laura's 13th birthday party. 

After Elvis' death his parents and his very large family had closely stayed in contact with Debbie. They had a huge amount of respect for her and her values. They adored Laura, one of their many grandchildren, but secretly in their hearts their favourite, because she was so like Elvis. 

Due to their close ties and beliefs in close families they were always present at special occasions in Laura's life. Debbie always made sure Elvis' family were always invited, along with her favourite uncle, Charles. 

In the early days these relationships helped Charles deal with his losses, by being so close to Elvis' family and his child, he felt grounded, connected. They had always made him feel welcome and in the early days of grief and guilt that Charles had over Elvis' death they merely scolded him to put such thoughts out of his head. They never blamed him, and repeatedly told him neither would Elvis.

During all the years Charles was unsure if they ever knew about him and Georgie. Certainly it was not something that he had wanted to advertise. To anyone. Ever. They knew however about Molly and their separation, never once questioning or asking the reasons why, but like his mother they would never, during his angry early stages, allow a bad word to be said against her. They had loved her too, as had Elvis. They had accepted her as their son's best friend's wife. She was therefore family. 

He often wondered what they truly thought of Georgie marrying into the family. They were always happy to see her, included her in everything, and treated her with kindness. Yet in Charles' neutral eyes, whenever he stumbled across Georgie at these dos, he could see that it was Debbie they seemed to favour. Georgie he observed never seemed to get offered that extra piece of cake like Debbie did, or the offer of a second helping from Grandma's famous pasta. 

When Georgie and Marco stared dating little was said, but Charles was sure that the older ladies of the family and their faces would have shown their displeasure. When they announced their engagement, again very little was said, for many embarrassingly silent minutes, until they all snapped back into family loyalty mode and congratulations were offered.

Charles never attended Georgie and Marco's wedding. He found the whole thing a bit disconcerting, but not entirely surprising. Marco was so similar to Elvis that he could see how Georgie would end up settling on him. Wondering if she knew herself where her love for Elvis stopped, and the new love for Marco began. 

"You're a fool Charlie." Were her opening words. 

Charles had slipped away from the party and was resting on the swing in Debbie's back garden. He'd taken time out to check his phone, just in case. 

"Sorry. What?" He wasn't used to being spoken to like this, and certainly didn't appreciate it from Georgie. 

"About Molly. You're a fool. She still loves you." 

Charles stared at Georgie. He didn't, he thought, need her interference in his life. He wished he hadn't had it all those years ago, and he knew he didn't want it now. 

"This has nothing to do with you. You going to see her was wrong. It achieved nothing. There's nothing to achieve anyway." He spoke firmly. 

"Of course there is. You still love her don't you.?" She asked. 

He stood from the swing, pulling himself up to his full height, towering above her. Arms folded across his chest, in some form of defence, forehead creased with conflicting thoughts. 

"Of course I do." He admitted. "Always have. Not that it's got anything to do with you." He replied.

"Well it kind of has doesn't it Charlie?" She whispered. After all..." She didn't finish the damming sentence, instead left their crimes unspoken.

He turned to walk away. To put some distance on the memories, on her company, on his loss. It was a conversation he never wanted to have again. 

"Call her Charlie. Don't lose her again. Fight for her. This time go after her." Georgie shouted out as he left her standing there alone. 

He didn't know how to begin again. He didn't know what to say. He didn't even know if she would welcome him, never mind be at home. He did know though that this time he would fight for her, for them. 

Yet he knew he had to try. So try he did and this was why he was standing outside her flat door. 

Charles found himself standing there the following Sunday on her doorstep. Feeling like an extra from a 1920s film, feeling like a man who had gone to get he is girl. He was smartly dressed, holding onto the obligatory bunch of flowers, standing there, and hoping. 

Hoping she'd be in, hoping she'd answer the door to him, and hoping they could begin again. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Carousel**

 **Chapter 8**

Molly opened her front door. Dread creeping in to her heart. She knew then, what she'd known for weeks, months even, that it was over. She didn't want him. She had been fooling herself. 

There had been brief moments when she truly believed that she did want him. Moments where she thought she could see a future with him. Yet when it came down to it she just knew it wasn't right. Not like before, then she'd just known it was right.

Her body no longer wanted his, her mind enjoyed his absence more than his company, her heart no longer fluttered when she saw him. 

The love that they maybe once had shared was gone. 

It was months since the weekend Georgie came to see her, since Steve went to meet her, since Charles had found her. It was months ago and everything was still the same, yet so much had changed. 

She knew as she walked down from her hill that choices had to be make. The circumstance of Georgie turning up had meant her hand was now forced. It had been something she bravely had avoided all these years. Yet now his betrayal, Georgie's reappearance meant that could no longer happen. 

She returned back to her empty flat that weekend, taking in all that had happened. Steve had returned to his own home she guessed. The argument with Steve, the peacefulness with Charles, all gave her plenty of time to think about her options, and to feel the regret that was now such a defined part of her life. 

He had at first given her space, and for that she was grateful. Allowing her to sort out all the conflicting emotions that she had. He'd been kind, thoughtful, had left the decision down to her. 

She knew he wanted to talk, and in the beginning she had too. She desperately had wanted to, but knew she needed to be strong and certain before any conversation happened. She couldn't be weak anymore. And so she put the talk off, focused instead on sorting herself out before she took his explanations on board.

She hadn't contacted him, hadn't seen him, and hadn't called him like she promised she would. Instead she just hid herself away. She owed it to them all to step back and think. 

Eventually though she knew she'd thought enough. She knew her own mind. Her own heart. 

"I just don't want to Jac." She explained one night down the phone. Her best friend, the one who she yet again turned to. The one she called slightly worse for wear after trying to get some calmness from a bottle of wine. 

"Don't you think though... maybe you should listen to what he has to say? Hear him out at least?" Jacqui calmly replied to her fairly drunk friend. "Do you owe him that at least?" 

"No. Thought I did. Thought I'd want to hear his excuses. Then I thought... I could forgive him...but I can't... what's more I don't want to either." Molly slurred on. 

Tipsy she may be, but she was happy. Feeling as though for the first time in a long while she was finally being honest with herself. 

"That must mean something? Yeah? The fact I just don't want to?" Molly asked. 

"I suppose." Jacqui replied. "But you're sure Mols? Really sure. You not listening... not giving him a chance to explain...well you're ending what you have. No going back? I doubt his pride would take that." 

"I'm sure. It's the most sure I've been for such a long time." Molly firmly replied. Her decision was made. 

"And what about Charles? What's he got to say?" Jacqui asked fearful her friend was about to make a decision she may come to regret. 

Still she offered no opinions only support and questioning advice. 

"A big fat nothing Jac. I guess he thinks that it's all down to me. Where we go from here." She replied. 

How Molly wished just this once Charles would be brave enough to force her, to make her choose. But that wasn't the man he was, and she knew it wasn't the man he would ever be. He wanted Molly because Molly wanted him. He'd accept nothing but everything from her. He always did. 

And that was the hardest part of all this, not the heart ache, not the ending of something before it really began, but the fact that yet again Charles had not pursued her. He'd just let her go. She had wanted his chase. 

She was still convinced of what she was going to do, but weary with the task ahead. Standing on the doorstep knowing the next few moments would end it all. 

All she knew is that this time the ending would be about her. About what she wanted. 

"Hi." She called out as she entered the hall way. "You here?" 

He'd used her spare key from the lock safe . They'd arranged to meet after Molly's shift, but she'd been delayed by work so had texted him just to make his way to her flat, use the emergency spare key and to let himself in. He had obviously done so, and walking out of the kitchen he greeted her. 

"Hi Molly. Good to see you. Good day?" He hesitated to kiss her, he held back. 

It felt so awkward being here. It was the first time he'd seen her in months, and his heart fluttered a little at how he missed her. 

"Nah. These days never are. Too many problems." 

She threw her bag down and noticed he'd started cooking for them. She hadn't asked him too, hadn't wanted him to. Yet he had. She felt uncomfortable as though he had invaded her space. As though he had presumed too much. 

As she walked into the kitchen he held out a glass of wine. 

"Here this will make you feel better." 

He grinned at her offering her favourite tipple of all time. She accepted it in the manner in which it was offered, graciously, but did not take a drink. She needed a clear head. 

Watching him watching her she saw they were still uncomfortable around each other. Both unable to slip back into their previous uncomplicated ease with one another. Maybe too much time had gone by. 

She realised though he was trying, the table was laid for two. A large bunch of flowers in its centre. He still had hope in his heart. 

"We need to talk." She breathed out. Unaware that she was going to start, but she knew she must. It was unfair to let him believe.

He stopped his stirring of the sauce and looked at her. He raised his eyebrows in query. She held his gaze, his eyes one of his best features, memorising them. Knowing that soon they'd be filled with rejection. 

"I guess we do. Can I start by saying I'm sorry?"

He asked. 

"You don't need to. I had time to think. I guess I kind of understand why you did it...but I just can't... I don't want to... and I would if I loved you wouldn't I?" She finished off confused. 

Unsure she'd conveyed the message to him. She need to be direct, definite, but hoped she'd be gentle too. 

"What are you saying Molly?" His voice was filled with steely determination, refusing to let emotions come into this. Her message was becoming clear to him. 

His fears were being realised. He moved towards her. 

"I'm saying it's over. I don't want this anymore. What happened. What you did... well I guess I can forgive... but I just don't care anymore." She took a huge breath, ready to deliver her statement. "I don't love you. I don't love you enough for that." She rushed out her decision.

It felt surprisingly good, despite the pain she saw flash across his face. She felt lighter, more free than she had done for months, years. She was finally letting it all go. 

"Shit Molly. No! Please?" 

He moved closer to her, his eyes begging her, but not his voice. He was shocked by her words, but she guessed his heart was not mortally wounded. 

She wondered if he really did love her the way he said he did, or was he just holding on to the idea of loving her. 

"Is there anything I can say?" He added. 

"No. Honestly there's not. I'm sorry..." It was hard but it was necessary. "It's over, and I guess... well..." 

"Don't bloody worry Molly I'm going. I'm gone." He shouted, his anger spilling over in each move he made to leave. 

"Tell me though before I go did I ever stand a fucking chance?" 

He stood there ridged, bracing himself for the truth. 

She looked at him squarely. She had gone this far, she had been honest, and knew she would have to continue no matter how painful her words were.

"No Steve I guess you hadn't." 

For Molly finally it felt so good to admit that. To say it out in the open. 

Steve sneered at her. Eyes full of rage not sadness. 

She knew then her choice was the right one. There would be no regret. How could she ever have chosen him over the man she still loved? 

"Yeah thought not. That's what Georgie said. Told me you'd always love Charles. Guessed she was right." And with that he slammed the door. 

Molly was alone, alone in her flat. The sound of the door slamming shut, the final act on her relationship with Steve. 

They were over. 

Now it was time for Molly to get on with living the life she wanted. The life she believed was on offer to her again.

The weekend pasted slowly. She sorted out her material issues as well as her mental ones. Plans were made for her to have a change of scene. This time though she wasn't running. She had built a happy life here, enjoyed it. She was staying. She just needed to get off the ride for a bit.

She didn't know how to begin. Where to start. Several times over the weekend she reached for his number. Aware that once she let him in every defence, every degree of self preservation would be taken away. She would be exposed and open to heartache again. Once he was back in her life there could be no going back for her. And so she hesitated, and still never called him.

After a weekend of silence her doorbell rang. She was grateful of the interruption. She'd called no one, seen no one. Instead she spent her time avoiding what needed to be done. Focusing her attention on painting her bathroom, rather than calling Charles.

She'd expected it to be Tom. She knew she was in for a lecture from him about her treatment of Steve. When it came she'd just have to accept it and move on. 

However as she reached the glass fronted door she saw the shadow of a man taller than Tom, and outline she instantly recognised. 

The night was cold and dark, and the street dimly lit. Her doorstep visitor had the advantage over her. When she opened the door had his shape not been so heart achingly familiar she might have struggled to see clearly who it was, where as he saw her perfectly. 

Eventually her eyes adjusted to the dim light, and she knew every detail, every unique marker of the silhouette standing before her. 

She giggled. He stood there looking so nervous. Clutching onto the flowers tightly, knuckles white, eyes searching across her face for a sign. 

When she giggled she saw panic sweep across him. His feet shuffled beneath him, deciding if he should stay or go. 

Realising her giggle was not what he'd hoped to hear, she stopped and turned it into a huge smile. 

He had finally come. He'd finally taken the step she had wanted and he'd come. 

"Hello." She quietly greeted him. Tipping her head so he could see all of her smile. 

"Hello Molly." Charles simply replied. Then he too started to laugh. The relief washing over him as he saw her smile. She was happy to see him. Suddenly though he felt very self-conscious standing holding on to a bunch of flowers he'd almost crushed to death with his nerves. 

No more was said. She turned to walk down the hallway, looking over her shoulder and beckoning him to follow her with her head. He blindly did so. His emotions were almost too hard to process. 

"Sorry about the mess." She said as they reached the sitting room. Her weekend's activities obvious. 

"Painting?" Was all he replied. Ridiculously as it was he was proud of her still being so practical. 

"Yeah. I know!" She threw her hands dramatically across her work clothes. "Think there's more on me than the bleeding walls." 

"I... errrr... I got these for you." He stammered, handing her the flowers that he awkwardly held. 

Noting with sadness that she already had a vase full of flowers on the coffee table. They weren't cheap garage flowers either, but we're ones someone had put a lot of thought and time into. She'd obviously not bought them herself. Charles started to have his doubts.

She took the flowers from him. Their hands and fingers gracing each other's as the exchange took place. He purposely kept his eyes down. He regretted coming. He should have called. It was foolish, her boyfriend might have been in, might even come still.

"I... errr... wondered if you... fancied a coffee. Maybe have a chat sometime?" He asked.

They were now standing in the kitchen, he watched her as she rearranged the flowers he'd given her. At his offer for coffee she stopped.

"Still don't like coffee Charles. Sorry." She answered him back.

"Oh. Yes. Right of course. Tea?" It was his last offer. If this was rejected he planned to escape.

He felt like a teenager standing there unsure what to do, or what to say anymore.

"Tea? Bleeding tea? You've driven all this way for a cup of tea?" She raised her eyes to him. "What you here for Charles?"

"I thought we could talk." Plain simple, the truth. He waited for her excuse, her rejection. 

Mentally he was already checking out, through the door, back in his car, so he almost missed her answer. 

"I'd like that, but I think we're gonna need more than tea!" And reaching into the fridge she pulled out a beer for them both. Handing his across. 

He accepted it, holding it in one hand, dazed as he realised that the other hand she had taken hold of. Gently she was walking him to the sofa, leading the way on so many levels. 

"I think I owe you an apology." She started. He shook his head and blinked. 

"You? Surely it is I?" He stammered out. He was all set to continue but she stopped him. 

"No. Me first. I said I'd call. I didn't... was gonna. Honest. Just needed to sort things out first." 

They sat side by side, slightly turned to face one another. She still hadn't let go of his hand, their fingers having their own conversation. Both watched their potential courtship being played out by their digits. 

"And have you?" He asked still not looking at her. His voice was soft and she noticed how unsteady it sounded. 

"What sorted it out? Yes. Yeah I have." She replied. "All sorted." 

He raised his eyes to hers. She felt that ridiculous thrill she always used to get. She knew then as her insides started to awaken to his closeness, his smell, that she'd forgive him. She'd forgive him because she loved him.

Then suddenly she felt utterly self conscious. Her hair was a mess, she hadn't showered yet, no makeup. And the way he just kept staring at her, made her feel inadequate to his gaze.

He reached over to her and brushed flecks of paint from her check. His thumb lightly touching her lips as he did so. She shivered at this simplest of touches. Wanting to be sensible, wanting to take it slow but wanting so much more of his touch than just his fingers on her face. 

She opened her eyes suddenly. Aware she had them blissfully closed for seconds after his hand had left her face. She opened them to find him still staring at her. Chucking as he started to appreciate the power he still had over her.

"Molly?" 

It was all he could say, he wanted to kiss her but still unsure despite the desire he could see in her face.

She broke away, jumped from the sofa. Throwing him some leaflets.

"Right. I'm going to get cleaned up. You're gonna order us a take away. We're going to have lots of beer and we're going to talk."

He accepted her orders and watched her walk away, this time knowing though she'd come back. 

She was gone longer than expected, and when she came back she was tidier, dress in her casual joggers and top, but still had paint mattered in her hair. 

She pulled a rueful face as she tried to separate her wet hair from the paint with her hairbrush. Wincing with the pain and effort. 

"Can I?" He asked. Pointing to the hairbrush and to his amazement she handed it over to him and sat down between his legs on the floor, Charles higher than her on the sofa, while he gently started to brush her hair. 

The steady slow loving actions of his ministrations relaxed her, her beer and new found happiness helped too. She was almost regretful when he stared to talk, to apologise, to explain, to beg her forgiveness, but she let him. 

She never once interrupted, apart to get them more beers, never once criticised or correct his words. She just listened. 

They stayed like that for a long time. Him brushing her hair over and over again, her sitting between his legs, encased in him. She felt safe, as though she was being rewarded by his attention for being good. It was one of the most sensual things she'd ever experienced. 

Eventually when she did speak she still chose not to turn to him, to look at him. It was easier, more anonymous this way. She was braver this way. 

She had listened, heard, and accepted what he'd had to say. What he needed to say to apologise for it all going to shit, and she knew he'd do the same for her. 

Their entente was broken by the arrival of the take away. Neither hungry anymore, both minds, bodies and hearts too full for food. But they tried, they sat in the kitchen and pretended, pushed food around their plates and eventually after a polite period gave up. Returning to the sofa they sat next to one another again, closer this time, touching.

It would be naive to think the past couple of hours had been simple.

It hadn't for either of them.

They both got to say the things they never thought they would ever get to say. There had been controlled anger. There had been tears, from them both. There had been regret, but now there was just acceptance. 

Whatever happened Molly and Charles both wanted each other's friendship. To build on that both were unsure where they went from here. 

Forgiveness given on both sides it was now time for them to move forward. 

Forgiveness wasn't something she actively had to do, it wasn't a choice to her, it was just what it was. 

Without their forgiveness of each other there would be no Molly or Charles. So forgiveness happened. 

An easy thing to do when the love still ran so deep. 

He'd been ill, the betrayal done by a man he was no longer was. He betrayed a woman Molly no longer was. Time had changed them, their separation has punished them enough. 

Forgiveness was all they had left.


	9. Chapter 9

**Carousel**

 **Chapter 9**

She lay naked lying on her stomach, her head rested on his abs, resting comfortably, perfectly. She gazed lovingly up at him while he slowly stroked patterns down her back. Despite the winter chill outside neither of them felt the need to cover up. They were comfortable, satiated, and happy. 

"I love you." He whispered into the night. The privilege of being able to say that to her after all this time was not lost on him. 

Molly, half a sleep, enjoying his touch. She didn't reply, but smiled onto his skin and tightened her arms holding his waist. He smiled back down at her, he knew she loved him too. He allowed her therefore to drift off to sleep without her answering, he still thrilled at her being next to him. 

It had been weeks since that first night, the night he came to her, and they had tried to see each other often as possible despite the distance between them. They took their new relationship slow, allowed themselves to readjust, to rediscover, even to remember. They knew that every step on the way to getting back to being them was important and that there was no rush.

The first night he had stayed on her small sofa, inadequate for his long body and legs, uncomfortable as hell, but he did not mind. He'd had too many beers to drive but they were both too emotional to even consider him leaving. They had talked, they had held each other and they had even briefly kissed. But that was all, for now. She laid next to him, sprawled out, all through that first night, held once again where she belonged, in his arms.

They both regretfully spent days apart from one another, both jobs demanding of their time. Keeping in constant touch during the days and long calls at night when they could not be together. It was gentle, familiar, it was another way of re-establishing a 'them', an 'us', but they both felt the loss of each other's company. Both spent their days in a dreamlike states, smiles rarely leaving their faces, living to see each other again.

Once they both knew though that it had started they didn't want it to stop. Too scared though in those early days to admit just how much they needed each other.

Yet Charles knew he had ten years of hurting to mitigate. Ten years of loneliness that he was never going to let happen again. He needed her friendship, but he needed her love more. So he was going to push, push to have her back in his life forever, and this time he was not going to fuck it up.

And so every couple of days, he'd make the long journey after work just to see her. Chasing her down like he should have done all those years ago. Arriving on her door step as a surprise, with the words that he couldn't stay away. And each and every time Molly knew she never wanted him too either. She needed his friendship, but she needed his love too. He had caught her! 

Those first nights he always stayed over, and they always stayed together. But they never made love. Both following an unspoken pact between them that it was too much, too soon. Hearts too full at times to consider anything but simply being there. Their sleep clad bodies however were never more than inches apart at any time, even though not making love, they rediscovered each other's souls. 

Their days and their new courtship ticked blissfully along. Molly happy, feeling as she always used to, with a Charles size piece of love firmly placed in her heart again. Years before when they had been together, in the beginning, they used to laugh at how pathetic they were, pining for each other's company. And here they were ten years later, starting again, and they were both pining for each other all over again. 

Leaving work that night, she made a decision. It had been two days since she'd last seen him. She knew therefore it was the right one. Two day was too long, she needed him to know, she need him to understand her and what she felt; she set off to see him. To explain. 

She arrived late. It was a long journey and she was unsure of the area. It felt strange, though familiar, as she got closer to his home. The military buildings, the definite type of architecture, the structure of the neighbourhood. For years she had avoided places such as these, evoking too many memories. Yet here she was days since her world was righted again, actively seeking it out. Immersing herself back into a world she had ran away from. 

He knew as soon as his door bell went that late at night who it would be. Half not wanting to believe it, half hoping it would be her. He flung open his door, impatient to have is hopes fulfilled. 

"Miss me?" She asked and instantly regretted it. 

His eyes filled with tears, they poured down his cheeks. She was unprepared for this out pouring, right here, right now. 

"Shit Charles." She flung herself into his arms. "It's ok. It's ok." She soothed. 

"I missed you so much." He sobbed. " I don't just mean these past two days I mean…I missed you forever." 

Her words, the words she had used years before at their start, had cut through his bubble of happiness and filled him with the utter sadness of all that had been lost. A feeling he had been fighting since the start. Determined to look forward, but sometimes the guilt was too much. 

"I know. I did too, but we can't do this. It won't help." She soothed him, still both standing in his hallway. Desperately needing to close the door away from prying eyes. 

Holding this seasoned soldier of the British Army in the tightest hold she could manage. Holding him like she'd never let him go, and she knew then she wouldn't. 

Eventually he calmed down, enough to smile shyly at her and offer more unnecessary apologies. They moved into his home. She threw curious glances around his life without her. 

He looked troubled as he stood there, though he was trying to hide it. She knew though he'd be eaten up with guilt forever. His PTSD had caused more than the breakdown of their marriage, it had also cause a break down in who Charles had once thought he was. His values, beliefs and loyalties all tested and in many areas he found them very wanting. 

It was then, holding a still damaged Charles, in the very early stages of their new relationship that Molly totally understood just what had been lost. PTSD had taken her marriage but it had also taken Charles. 

He'd lost respect due to his illness. Respect from others and far more importantly it took away his own self-respect. The intervening years he had fought hard to regain something of what he once was, in some areas succeeding. Small victories as the years passed, but all of them slightly hollow as he didn't have the one thing in his life he regretted losing the most. Now he had it ,and she understood how desperately he wished to hold on to her. This made Molly's news harder to impart. 

It was that night when they first made love to one another. A whole new experience than they had never shared before. The attraction was great and the need for such intimacy even more so. Unable to deny their past, their bodies came together and carved out their new future. 

Discovering the touch, the taste, the scent of each other again awoke their closed hearts. Familiarity gave way to new discoveries, new highs, new ways of bringing their love making to a climatic completion. 

And so that was what brought them here tonight with Molly drifting off asleep with her head on Charles' torso. Both exhausted. 

After their love making, after the physical exhaustion wore off they held each other as they always had. This was when they used to share their secrets and fears, when they both exposed their souls, and this is where it had gone wrong for them last time. 

As the love making reduced and eventually stopped all those years ago, so did the sharing and Charles retreated, allowed his problems to become issues until they broke them. 

However old habits die hard and despite a ten year break, here they lay yet entwined, talking, sharing. Molly confessing. Her guilt matching his in what she had to say. 

When she told him he thought she was teasing. Charles couldn't believe that Fate could be that cruel.

Yet here was Molly telling him that in three weeks' time she was off. Leaving the country, leaving him for a long time. Plans she'd made before him, before there was an 'us'. Plans that could not be changed.

Molly was off to see Jacqui, a little holiday, but then off for a six months work exchange in Australia. Having a once in a life time experience, an opportunity she had grabbed before her heart was retaken by Charles. 

She was excited. He could see that, but he could also see how sad she was about leaving him. She told him of her plans, her itinerary, her hopes. He listened, tried to smile, tried to be supportive but he had fears. He would miss her, he knew she'd knew that, but he wondered if she'd truly miss him.

Molly had taken the next couple of days off intending to stay with Charles until after the weekend. The little time they had together she wanted to spend as much as she could with him.

Separation was something they had got used to in days gone by, but neither of them had thought it would be part of their new future too.

She woke first, amazed, because she never used to. She watched her love lying next to her. At some point in the middle of the early hours they'd covered themselves over. He had the duvet thrown over his legs, but his perfect bum and back were exposed. He'd remained firm and toned, his body still one that had to dance to the Army's fitness tune.

Last night was the first time she had seen the scars from his last tour, from the spike that had nearly cost him his life and had been the final incident that lead to their ending. It was a sharp reminder of harder times, something that pained her to see it. She knew Charles would see it every day and would have the constant reminder of his failings. It felt unfair to her that he again carried a physical reminder of ill thought out decisions.

Putting these thoughts out of her head she relished the sight of him next to her, and wondered how she'd cope without him. Aware how ironic it was, for ten years she had doubted she'd ever have again the peace he brought her, the comfort he gave her, the happiness she now owned, and soon, too soon, for a while she was going to lose it. She hoped that they would be strong enough.

She felt nervous as he began to stir. His usual routine of the morning still one she remembered, but wondered if he had changed in the missing years. He'd always had a practised routine, one she worked alongside efficiently with for so long. He'd confessed in their separated years there had been no one, at all. He wasn't ready to move on, couldn't betray her again even though she had left. So she knew he'd been without a woman in his space for a long time, waking up next to one after all this time she wondered if it would be uncomfortable for him.

Molly hadn't notice him wake. He didn't move instead he lay there watching her watching him. He saw her chewing her lip and pick at her short nails. A sure sign she was worried. So much about her was the same, he gained pleasure in this. Knowing he could still read her, reach her.

Charles stretched out his hand across to where she lay, slowly gently so not to frighten her out of her daydreams. He traced his fingers down her face, and searched for her eyes to find his.

"You ok?" He softly asked.

Her eyes whipped to his concerned face, her heart racing at their favourite question coming from his lips. Instantly falling in love with him all over again.

She smiled as she answered.

"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Molly? Please. You ok?" He pulled himself closer to her, needing skin on skin. Her naked breasts pressed now up against his chest, his morning erection becoming painfully obvious to them both. She giggled at his frustrated sign into her hair. He wanted nothing more than to make love to his love, but he knew she was troubled. He wanted all of her, mind and body.

"I'm just gonna miss you, you know? So very much." She confessed. "Bit shit this ain't it?"

He laughed at her understatement.

"Yeah! Six months is a long time. We've done longer though?" He offered.

"That was different". She said. "Besides this was my choice."

He rolled over onto his back, and never let go of her once. Pulled semi on top of him, her hair falling onto his chest, her anatomy soft and perfect moulding into his hardened physique. His desire for her increased, He could feel the heat coming from her core. Her eyes lost their worry, and lust, desire, basic animal need flashed through them. Charles pushed his instinct down, for now. Her concerns, their future was important. 

"Look." Charles said pulling her in even closer to him. This time it was Molly who groaned with need. "We have a few weeks yet. Let's make the most of them? Like we used to before we went on tours." 

"Really? Like we used too?" She grinned up at him. Happy because of his words, they showed he'd remembered the good times. 

It had always been a tradition of theirs that they'd never make the last few weeks before either of them were deployed sad. They always focused on the fun things they could do, had date nights, made memories, visited family. Share their time with each other as much as they could. Focusing on all the good, never the bad. 

It always worked. It always sent one of them off with a head a heart full of happy memories to use in their separation. Leaving the other at home with beautiful recollection of their life together. 

That was until Elvis died and suddenly Charles hadn't wanted to do that stuff anymore. He cut himself off from being happy. He didn't want Molly's company spending more and more time away from her, and so less and less happy memories were made. Instead they were replaced with distance, sadness and doubt in their lives. Dark places that neither had been able to escape from back to each other. So to hear him offer such happy days to her again already filled her with a happiness, it was another step towards them being them again. 

"So? Major James. What do you reckon we should do?" She snuggled her body tightly into him, wanting conversation but very much aware she was going to have to wait, as Charles started to kiss her and moved himself to gain full access to all of her. She willing gave it, powerless to stop him even if she'd wanted to. 

Eventually they did plan, and did have days full of fun and togetherness. Followed by nights where they rediscovered their love, and need in each other. Their times together were perfect. A mixture of good old fashioned courting, played against a need for total immersion in each other's very existence. They visited old places, with happy memories, and new places where they made even happier ones. 

There was one place though that Molly firmly refused to go. He'd invited her several times during her stay to meet him for lunch on camp. She refused each time. Even the look of him that first morning at his in his Army clothes made her uncomfortable. As suddenly standing in front of her wasn't the soft casually dress Charles she had let back into her life, but the hard emotionless soldier who had broken her heart. Wearing the very uniform he had hidden behind last time, when they were so broken. To see him dress in such a way again scared her, and she was even scared to set foot back into the military domain that claimed her life once before. And so she stayed away, trying to explain to Charles, who was disappointed and disgusted at the same time with himself that he could have ever made her feel like that. 

Their weeks together quickly passed. Both trying the best to stay happy, both aching with grief below the surface. 

The night before Molly was due to fly out Charles drove over to hers, desperate to get there to see her again. Regretting it as soon as he did because it meant in a few short hours he'd be driving her back towards the airport, and then she would leave him. 

He wanted to be with her for as long as he could be. Their time in the car, holding on to extra minutes was something he was more than willing to do.

Originally they had plans for him to be with her right up until the departure gate. Expecting a sad but beautiful farewell. However Charles' past actions caught up with him, and they both knew as they drove to the airport that this would not happen. He understood, and sadly accepted his fate. There were others who had greater claims on her. 

Molly's Mum and Gran had insisted they wanted to come and wave Molly off. For it was a huge adventure that Molly was setting out on and they too would be separated from Molly for a long period of time. It was something as a family they had planned well before Charles had come back into the scene, proud of their girl who was once again dong things that no Dawes had ever done before. They would not give up on their plans. But he was not invited.

They had supported Molly in so many ways over the years, always her grounding, always trustful of the decisions she had made in her life. Up until now. They were at a loss as to what she was doing. They thought she was giving in. It had taken her so long to start again, to get over Charles that it was hard for them to see her back with him. They'd always marvelled at her strength, and taking Charles back, to them seemed weak, and they vocally disagreed with her decision. Charles reappearance in Molly's life was not some things either of the two ladies rejoiced in. 

When Molly told them she had expected some resistance but was surprised at just how strong it was when she personally broke the news to her Mum and Gran. They had both been angry and upset with Molly. They'd been the ones who had picked her up last time, who had seen the hurt Charles had caused when he left, and both felt there could never be any forgiveness in their hearts as far as he was concerned. The Dawes women were fierce when it came to protecting their own. 

Molly tried to explain, reassure them. Appreciating that they had little in-site, or experiences of PTSD. Mental health problems were just something they couldn't understand, and therefore all they saw was that Charles cheated on Molly. They couldn't take on board his reasons, his state of mind….they just knew he'd hurt their girl. Forgiveness was not going to happen. 

Charles listened to Molly while she explained, appreciated she was torn, and therefore did the noble thing, not wanting to cause more hurt, or a deeper rift between the family who she loved so much. He backed down. In the battle who saw Molly off he knew he'd have to lose out. It was after all the hurt, she was again experiencing over him, the least he could do. 

So instead he offered to drive her up to Heathrow from her home in Bristol, spending those last few precious hours with her. But when it came to the airport he'd retreat, drive away leaving her at the door, and into the company of her family. 

"So? This is it then?" He pulled over, and killed the car engine. They had minutes of stoppage time only, airport rules. Their good bye had been going on really for hours, but the final physical contact with her would be short. 

She unclipped her seatbelt and leaned over, he did the same and they held each other. 

"I love you Charles." She sobbed into his coat. "I won't even get to spend Christmas with you." 

"Come on Molly. We'll FaceTime, called, text... we can do this." His words sounded happy, but his heart wasn't. This wasn't like any goodbye they'd had before. There was no need for a stiff upper lip, or for professional boundaries to be considered. They were just Molly and Charles saying goodbye in a time limiting lay-by. 

"Come back to me." He said. It wasn't a request, it was a statement. He knew for now he had her heart. He hoped in six months he still would. 

"I will." She replied. Knowing that many times before they'd said this to each other as they were saying goodbye, and each and every time they had honoured their promise... apart from that once...,when he didn't. 

All to soon though their time was up. Molly quit his car, with one last tear soaked smile she disappeared into the terminal.

Leaving him alone…..without her….again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Carousel**

 **Chapter 10**

"I love it. It's a bit crazy it being December and that and me only in shorts. Christmas Day on the beach was mental. Having a BBQ on the beach and that." She enthused. 

Each time he called her, FaceTimed her, she gushed out more happiness and enthusiasm than he had ever know. She was loving it. 

"So I take it it's still all good." He asked. 

"It's bloody brilliant. Better than I could have thought. Jobs great too. Amazing." Then noticing the all to frequent sad look on his face she added. "Missing you though." 

He laughed. 

"Sounds to me as though you're too busy to miss me Molly." He tried not to sound petulant, but did.

It had only been four weeks, one whole month. He was missing her like crazy. His world had stayed the same, hers was changing day by day, and it all was happening without him in it. 

"Yeah I am. No I mean it's not." She shook her head. 

The usual feeling of guilt she always felt when talking to Charles pouring over her like a cold shower.

"I do miss you so much. I love you, please don't think me being here means that I don't." 

"I know. I miss you. It's hard. That's all. " He sadly replied. 

This was the way most conversations had gone on over the past weeks. Her apologising for enjoying herself. Charles apologising for missing her. 

He needed to change to the subject, to try to get them happy again. 

"Got some good news. Sam's been accepted into Sandhurst." He spoke with pride. 

"Wow. Is that what he wants? Thought he wasn't sure." She replied, and wished she hadn't. Sam has told her that in confidence. 

"He's got to do something Molly. Anyway he'll be good at it." Sternness asserting itself on Charles as he spoke about his son's future. 

"I know. Big shoes to follow though." She teased and noticed a small blush coming from him. 

"I don't know about that!" He sullenly replied. "Anyway he's got plans for the next couple of months. Off travelling." 

"That sound fun. Anywhere nice?" 

But Charles had been non comital about it and so she moved the conversation moved on. He needed to know, needed her to share her new life with him, but each and every phone call just made him realise how great the distance now was between them.

Her day had been brilliant. 

A late Christmas present from Jacqui... a day's bungee jumping. 

She'd been quite insistent that Molly give it a go, and as usual our girl had risen to the challenge. 

She shared the experience with a group of young 20 year old lads. All on gap years and all living life to the full. They reminded her of Sam, and she knew this would be a place he would love. Next time she talked to Charles she'd ask him to mention it to Sam. It might also, she wistfully thought, push Charles into action too. 

She had been disappointed that in the eight weeks she'd been here Charles hadn't mentioned once coming to see her. Molly had truly hoped and expected he would. 

She knew that it was the other side of the world, and very expensive to come, but she had secretly hoped he would be missing her so much that such details wouldn't have stopped him. 

They had both known when she went out there that she wouldn't be able to get home at all. Her leave was all being accrued for when she finally returned in the late summer. Planned that way so she could spend it with Charles. Plus she still had student debts to pay off, and so flights back were a bit outside her budget. He'd known all this, but still he hadn't taken the hints when she subtly dropped them. 

The group of lads she met all moved off to a bar after the experience and Molly called Jacqui inviting her along. Jacqui, desperate to find a man came without hesitation. 

"Come on Mols. Join in you've a face like a slapped arse." Jacqui said to her friend as the night wore on. 

"Trying ain't I. Just miss him. This is all great, best ever. It's just that I miss him." Molly moaned. 

She was getting good at sounded like a broken record when it came to her love life. It surprised her how willing Jacqui was to put up with her. 

"Look Mols. You've only a few months to go. Hell you waited ten years surely you can hold on a bit longer." Jacqui unsympathetically replied. She'd never forgiven Charles over him and Georgie, and Molly doubted she ever would. 

She took Jacqui's words to heart. Never one to wallow in her misery, she therefore did what Molly Dawes did the best...joined the party and drank like she had hollow legs. 

Jacqui hadn't seen her friend so uninhibited for years. It was fun watching her mate really let go and enjoy herself. She noticed her phone on the bar ringing, and when she saw the number ignored it. Jacqui thought Molly was having too much fun now to be interrupted by Charles and his guilt trip. 

As soon as he entered the bar he knew he was in the right place. The atmosphere said welcome and most certainly let's drink. Exactly what he needed after such an awful flight. The trip had been long , and the company tiring. There were only so many old timers' stories you could hear on one journey. 

He watched the girl dancing in the middle of a group of young lads. She was very pretty, and he had an unexplainable attraction to him. Not his usual type. He made towards her and suddenly her eyes caught his. The heat between them was instant. Her eyes held his. 

Up close he could see she was older than him, but only just. Her hair lightened by the sun, the tan to her body all made her look younger. She looked after herself he could see she was toned and fit. 

He boldly stared conversation, this wasn't like him at all. She introduced herself as Jacqui, and by now he was very drunk, the day's excursions catching up with him, he had a faint recollection of knowing exactly who she was. Still that did not stop him. He was lonely, and she was lovely. 

The next morning she woke. Head thick with the after effects of her heavy night drinking and guilt. She knew exactly who he was the minute she rolled over to look at him. 

She slipped out of the room, hoping after her night of passion with the now familiar stranger from the bar, that he'd somehow slip away when she was gone and it would all be forgotten. 

She halted suddenly as she saw her flat mate standing there in the kitchen. A huge smirk on her face. Laughing as she spoke. 

"Well someone got some last night didn't they?" Teased Molly. 

"Oh God... please no. Tell me you didn't hear me?" Jacqui swallowed down the awful feeling of regret rising in her. Molly was going to kill her. 

"Think the whole bleeding street did." Molly's laughter at Jacqui making her squirm. "So who is he?" 

"Don't know. Can't even remember his name?" Jacqui lied, downing a glass of water. Hangovers in this summer heat were killers. 

"Well look out I think lover boys up." Molly winked at Jacqui as the toilet flushed in their apartment. 

Molly was loving this. She positioned herself perfectly so she'd catch site if Jacqui's Romeo as soon as he left the bathroom. 

And she did. She saw his tall lean frame first, covered over in t shirt and jeans. Then the mop of brown tangled curls. Something he could never get under control. All these little signs of the familiarity of the man standing in front of her. The man who had slept with her best mate. 

She was shocked, and some part of their past died. Unable to speak, but she knew she must. She had to be grown up about this despite her need to run away or to stay and ask him a thousand questions all beginning with her screaming at him 'why'? 

He stood stock still in front of her. Looking guilty, and ashamed. The pieces clicking into place. Remembering exactly who Jacqui was in Molly's life. Feeling a level of disguise with himself at what he had done. Knowing he had to admit to his actions. 

"What the bloody hell you doing here?" She asked, voice controlled. 

He went to answer. Jacqui cut in and apologies to her profusely, too much drink being blamed. 

Molly didn't want to hear any of it. It was all so embarrassing, because here was her best mate apologising for sleeping with her ex step son... Sam! 

"Shit. Molly." Sam spat out. "Oh shit. Dad's to kill me." Was all he could come out with. 

Molly pushed all the thoughts of what he'd just been up to out of her head, and rushed around the table to pull him into a hug. 

"Come here you daft bugger. It's so good to see you." She hugged the man, who used to be her little Sammie. 

"You too Mols. Shit a bit embarrassing... I mean." He motioned with his head as Jacqui slinked back to her room. 

"Yeah. Jacqui? Really Sam? Me best mate? You met her before but you were only about ten I guess." Molly laughed at how downright hound dogged Sam looked. "Don't want to even think about it." She added. 

"Oh fuck." Was all he could offer. "Look I'm sorry I messed it all up." 

"Messed what up? No you haven't. Your dad will be fine. Ok?" She reassured him placing some toast and painkillers in front of him. "Besides I'm not telling him."

"He'll know, and he will kill me when he knows I ruined the surprise." Sam mumble back through a mouthful of food. 

"Surprise?" She spun round to watch him. Her tea making halted. "What surprise?" 

Charles settled his Dad down for breakfast. The travelling had taken its toll. He was exhausted, and Charles just like last night was reluctant to leave him. Sam however had no such qualms. 

He'd hired them a little cottage on the outskirts of town for them to stay in. Somewhere quiet and cool in the garden shade. He was grateful of that. Edward needed quiet for now. 

It was not how he imagined his first day of the holiday to be, but his Dad needed him. He'd tried to call Molly, but she didn't answer her phone. 

He turned heading back to his bedroom when the front door flew opened. Hoping it would be Sam, he called out a greeting, and headed for the en-suite. Charles started to undressed ready to shower. The early morning heat disappearing leaving him hot and sticky. 

Stepping out of his sleep pants and pulling the t shirt above his head he found himself stopped by some physical force. Momentarily he panicked, however the smell of her invaded his senses. Frantically he scrambled to see her pulling at his t shirt up and over his head. He now stood their gloriously naked in front of her. A fitting welcome, he felt even if it was bit of an unintentional one. 

"Hello you." She launched herself into him, jumping up to be held by him. 

Her legs wrapping themselves around his naked waist, feeling his instant hardness in her crotch. 

"Molly." He laughed delighted, ecstatic, and pulled her tighter into him. "How...why?" He attempted to ask but never finished as they both started to kiss each other. 

"Missed you." Molly punctuated between torrents of kisses from Charles to her face and lips. 

"Bloody missed you more." He replied. 

They stayed locked in each other grip, embrace for minutes. Delighting in the taste of each other again, Molly mindful of him still holding her, pressing his erection deliciously into her. 

They broke away. Their desire for each other was becoming dangerous, both had started to explore each other's bodies, and as Charles slid her down from his hold her shirt rode up and he teased the flesh of her unrestrained breast with his fingers. 

Both pulling away from each other they giggled. Both so very happy, both wanting nothing more than to take each other to bed, but both knowing it wasn't the time with Charles' son and father just down the corridor! 

Minutes ticked by in each other company. Charles dressed to a decent state , while Molly explained that she'd met Sam who'd let the cat out of the bag about his visit. Both constantly touching each other, kissing when possible and both so very happy. 

"So you're here for how long? Sam never said." Molly asked as Charles led her out of his bedroom to meet Edward.

"Managed a long leave. I've got three weeks leave." He smiled down at her. "Thought I'd use the time to come and visit my girlfriend. If that's alright?" 

"Alright mate. Bleeding alright? That's just perfect." She hugged him tight. "Bleeding perfect." 

On entering the kitchen Sam gave his Dad a knowing conspiratorial look, making a sly comment about it not taking his dad very long. This earned him a mock clip around the ear, but the grin never left Charles' face. 

Sam was hung over and Edward struggling with jet lag from the long flight, so both of them declined Molly's offer to show them around. Both Molly and Charles were so grateful to be alone, they just wanted to be right next to each another, to hold each other, and to make love to each other. 

Yet for a while they put on a semi convincing act around each other. Charles pretending to show an interest as Molly lead him half-heartedly around the town. Both were inexplicably shy around each other. Molly caught Charles sneaking glances at her frequently. Once catching him she giggled and smiled 

"What?" 

"Nothing. Just happy." He smiled back at her, stepping in front of her and holding her in so he could marvel at being with her again. 

"You're a soppy bugger you know. But God I do love you." She answered back, then shyly added. "Jacqui is out. Late shift. Won't be back for hours." 

He pulled her into his chest. She could feel the rumbling of happy laughter rolling through him along with the words he spoke. 

"Well thank fuck for that Molly. What the bloody hell are we standing here for." 

He grabbed her arm and they ran, laughing and holding hands all the way back to Molly's car. 

Bursting through the door of her apartment their kisses were ferocious. The shyness that was about them hours before completely forgotten. 

Their hand pushed through each other's clothing, removing every barrier that prevented them from skin on skin. Their bodies stumbling and tumbling through the rooms in a vain attempt at getting into Molly's bedroom. 

They failed, their passion causing them to stall, to tumble, to succumb somewhere between the front door and the lounge. 

It was only later after the event that they gained a semblance of where they were, but not ashamed. 

They had waited out too long, their need for each other consuming all other senses, all other levels of decency forgotten. They consummated their union, almost savagely right where they stood. It wasn't tender, or gently, it was explosive and urgent. The need for Molly to feel him inside her again driving them forwards in their union, and so Charles took his love there and then, up against the lounge wall, at Molly's insistence , making love to her to quell the desperate need they both had for each other. 

They slipped down the wall and lay there exhausted, sweating, and happy. Slowly they returned back down to earth from their personal heaven. Returning to some level of awareness outside of themselves and their hunger from one another, and so they moved themselves into Molly's bedroom, and very quickly re-enacted their love making again. This time though it was gentle, Charles considerate and Molly responsive and grateful for all his lingering and attention. These two who were everything to each other had sorely missed their soul mate and the unions of their hearts. 

They spent the remainder of the day, and evening in bed together. Never once tiring of each other company, or the delight of having the other close again. They talked, they made love, they picked at food and drank, they belonged together. 

Eventually though Molly heard noises from the kitchen, Jacqui was home. The meeting was inevitable. Once work colleagues, once fellow soldiers working closely in live theatres, these two important people in Molly's life were now strangers to each. 

Molly knew Jacqui had views and opinions on Charles. Over the years she had totally made them known. Since they had got back together again she hadn't offered too many opinions, more wise words. It was therefore unknown how she'd react seeing him again. 

As they got dressed. Tried to appear decent, tidy themselves up and tried to disguise what they had been up to for the past several hours, Molly could see that Charles was nervous. Gone was the happy look in his eyes. Instead there was a look of self-doubt that she rarely witnessed. 

Jacqui greeted Charles with reserve but wasn't unkind, it was an awkward situation for all. Her former boss, her best friends cheating husband, and the father of the bloke she'd just slept with standing in her kitchen! However both, for Molly's sake, tried. The Sam situation was never mentioned. 

She spent the next three weeks introducing him to all her new fiends. Proudly showing him off to one and all. Edward struggled with the heat and frequently didn't go out with them, so they divided their time with exploring and staying with him. 

Halfway into Charles visit, Molly managed an extra long weekend's leave, and the two of them went off up the coast together. They spent four special days swimming in the crystal clear sea and spending their time exploring. The local beauty and attractions wasted on them as the only exploring they did were of each other's bodies and minds. 

The next three weeks went too quickly. Molly divided her time with work and spending every possible moment with Charles, Edward and Sam. He picked her up at the end of every day, and drove her to work no matter how early the start was. They were inseparable, slipping back into routines they had established years ago. Scenes such as him sitting on the floor while she showered, listening to her day, or her following him around the kitchen while he cooked asking numerous questions about what he was up to, were frequently seen by others. Their life together was easy and perfect. 

Emotionally though, they were both preparing themselves for that day they would yet again have to separate, for months at an end. Trying desperately to concentrate on the here and now, rather than the sad separate future they were going to have to endure very soon.

On the last night together everyone gracefully retreated after Edward and Charles' farewell meal. Sam had already moved on, exploring more of the country, off on his wayward travels. The itchy feet of youth leading him onwards, that and the mortification both Jacqui and Sam felt around each other after their one night stand meaning they both avoided each other company's 

Molly left Charles alone in the bedroom, while she slipped out to get them drinks. Reluctantly leaving the bed, and the warmth of Charles' body. He was busy checking on his flights on her computer, and suddenly he saw it. He couldn't help it, the e mail pinged up on the screen without him doing anything. He read and re read it, unsure if he should let Molly know what he'd seen. 

Fate yet again was interfering with his and Molly's life. As yet Molly was unaware, her email was never mentioned to her by him. When she returned to bed he didn't tell her, just left it as unopened in her in box. Something she'd find out next time she logged on, and then her life would change, their life he knew would change. 

Their farewell was awful, both tried, but both failed to hold on to their emotions. Molly sobbed and Charles freely allowed the tears to flow down his face. They both had months apart now to endure. Charles also feared that once Molly read that e mail, there may be more than that for them to endure. 

That night the opening of the e mail sent Molly's world, as Charles had predicted, into a spin. 

She'd been offered a job.

The Australian work exchange was going so well, that they as most folks were, impressed with her. They were offering a permanent full time, exciting job. Right there in Australia. It was hers for the taking all she had to do was say 'yes'. 

Molly was delighted, as was Jacqui. A chance for the two friends to be together. The role was made for Molly, and showed her that she was obviously good at what she did. A mixture of the nursing skills and the medic role she had excelled at in the Army, creating the perfect job for her. She loved the outdoors type lifestyle Australia life offered. In fact she only see the positives in accepting the job. 

However there was one very big negative to accepting…...Charles! 

Could she loose him? She knew that's what would happen if she chose the job. He wouldn't, couldn't leave the Army, not for a few years. He wouldn't leave his father either, who was needing more help at times. Charles probably wouldn't even get citizenship himself, being in the wrong side of the immigration age criteria.

If she took the job, she took a life without Charles in it. 

Her choice was a simple but very hard one. 

Of course she discussed it with him, several times over the next few weeks. He listened, tried to offer advice, but never his opinion. It had to be her choice. 

"It's all just gone to shit again hasn't it." She cried during one of their many FaceTime conversations. 

"I'm sorry Molly. Even if I could leave the Army now, I'm doubtful I'd be able to get residency. Even if we were married." He added. 

"Married? You'd want to get married?" She picked up on only a small part of what he'd said. 

"No. Well yes. But no not this way... but I'd hoped... one day maybe." He finished softly. Ashamed that his last words may start to confuse her. Influence her decision. 

She remained silent. Mulling over that Charles was thinking of such definite things. Worrying about committing herself so completely again to him. Worrying that if she chose not to have him in her life, would she in fact be leading a life at all. 

The worry made her unwell. She was not sleeping, constantly nauseous, and walking around in a dream like state. 

For weeks it went on and Jacqui became worried. She shared her fears for Molly's health. Worried for her friend trying to reason with her, failing to get through, until one day she came home to find Molly packing. 

"Where you off to?" She asked. The bags being packed showing that Molly was planning on heading off on more than a short trip. 

"I'm going to see him. To see Charles." She answered quickly back. 

"Really? Now? Today" Jacqui asked incredulously. As far as she knew Molly had no leave, no planned time off. 

"I've gone off sick. Doc signed me off today. I have to see Charles. It's been six bloody weeks. This is killing me. Doing my nut in." She never once broke from her packing. Jacqui appreciating it was a good decision.

"What you gonna say?" Jacqui asked. She knew what Molly's choices were, and agreed that she needed to put Charles in the picture. Whatever he had done in the past he still deserved to know. 

The flight home for Molly was awful. She knew her decision. She knew she had made this one on her own, and she knew that was unfair. It should have been a joint decision but too many years of thinking about herself, too many years of being alone, too many years of having to do it had led her to be selfish. She'd been alone before, she was willing, if that's what it meant by taking this opportunity, to be alone again. 

Everything they had, their coming together again, their new start were memories she'd always treasure. 

However her life in Australia was equally as special to her. It was a hard decision to make, but she knew it was the right one. One she'd stand by for the rest of her life, even if that meant her and Charles would never be together again. 

She'd told him she'd be flying home. A brief text, saying they needed to talk. Not strong enough at that stage to tell him over the phone of her choice. Needing to see him face to face to break the news. 

He waited for her at the airport, sick with the dread in his heart. It was six weeks since she had last seen her, held her. Six weeks when he last felt secure that she was his. Now he wasn't so sure. He wasn't fooled though. Her text. Her sudden need to see him. He knew the news wouldn't be good. 

His heart was breaking. He couldn't blame Molly . He'd caused their break all those years ago and had hoped that they'd be strong enough to repair that this time around. But they obviously weren't. He knew that now. Molly had been offered a once in a lifetime opportunity, a sure thing, and she was taking it. She was leaving him, her need to see him, to tell him to his face testament to that. All he could do is wait.

As she walked through the door he steeled himself. She was tired, he could see that. Those beautiful eyes that used to sparkle were dull and had dark rings around them. Wearily and with heavy steps she walked over to him. 

There was no welcome like last time. She didn't throw herself at him, she was cautious around him, as he was now around her. They merely hugged, long and hard, Charles pressing a loving kiss to her hair. Too soon they pulled apart and their eyes met fully for the first time. 

There were no words. He could see her heart was full, that the news she had to tell him would move all he knew was right in this world. They moved slowly and silently towards his car. Holding onto each other tightly, still needing this contact despite it all. 

As she walked into his home she sighed. The first sound she had made for a while. Their car journey had been almost silent, she feigned sleep most of the way. 

"Tea." He offered and she weakly smiled. 

"Yeah. Thanks." Then went to sit at his table. The opposite side of the room to him. He noticed the distance. 

"You look tired." He said as he set her drink down in front of her. She didn't look up at him, head down playing with her fingers. 

"I am. Knackered. A lot going on in me nut." She finally raised her head and offered him a tentative smile. "You look done in too." 

Finally really looking at him for the first time since she'd stepped off the plane. Too scared to before now. Scared because she knew she had to tell him, but didn't know how. 

"Lots going on in my nut too." He answered back and took a seat opposite her. "So? How long you here for?" 

She looked at him. Her visit, her time away from her work, was all down to one reason. 

It wasn't a permanent visit. It would be just long enough she hoped for them to talk, sort things out, and then she'd have to leave again. 

Leave him a head back to her life without him on Australia. 

"A week, or so. Depends." She shrugged her shoulders and almost there and then she nearly told him, but his next question came to fast. 

"Think we need to talk don't we?" He sighed and pulled her hands into his. "It's ok Molly. I guessed. I know." 

"You know?" She shot back "How?" 

"Well obvious isn't it. He cast an eye over her. She looked positively unwell with the weight of her secret. 

"So are you going through with it?" He asked staring at her as she winced as she drank her tea. 

Her head snapped up. 

"Yes. Yes I am Charles, it's what I want. I mean what I really want."

She smiled at him and held onto his hands as he tried to pull them away. "I just never thought this could happen, did you?" 

"I hoped it wouldn't, but I guess I suspected it might. You're brilliant. Guess it was only a matter of time." He sadly replied. 

"Oh. Shit. You're not happy about it are you? Shit... shit...I just thought you'd be. Oh shit." And she jumped up from the chair a stood frozen where she had sat. 

Tears were rolling down her face, she held her stomach protectively to hold on to her thoughts and sobs. 

"Fuck Molly of course I'm not happy. I love you, and cause of that I'll let you do this...but shit I'm going to miss you." He walked over to where she was a hugged her tightly, she allowed him to. "I just thought this…this was it..."

Molly was processing his words, crushed into his chest momentarily she was unable to speak, she struggled to release herself from him. 

"Why can't it still be Charles?" She leaned back to look into his eyes. They were full, but he still had control, his jaw twitching with the effort. 

"Oh Molly." He forced out a laugh. "You being on the other side of the world might hinder things a bit you know." 

"Yeah. I know, but I have to go back. Till the end of the exchange at least, then well I though, I'd come back... and I thought that we might..." 

She never finished. 

"You're coming back? So you're not taking the job?" He couldn't believe it until she said it aloud, herself. 

"No. I'm not taking the job. You nut bar, that's what I'm trying to tell you." She laughed realising he had no idea. She was delighted in their miscommunication. 

"Why? Thought it was what you wanted? It's a great opportunity." Said the ever sensible Charles. 

"Yeah it is, but without you it's nothing." She reached up to hold on to either side of his face. " I love you and I hope you love me too, well at least enough any way." 

He stared at her puzzled. 

"What do you mean at least enough? Course I bloody do." 

"That's good then, cause you're going to be stuck with me for a very long time." 

He reached down and kissed her, so so softly. Then pulled back as though he'd had electricity run through him.

"What did you say?" 

As they had been kissing, as he had been caressing her lips she mumble out a few words onto his. Perfectly understandable, but still hard for him to comprehend. 

She smiled, beamed at him. 

Watching as he held onto the chair back for support. 

His eyes never leaving hers, fearful if he did he would lose it all. 

"I'm pregnant. You're going to be a Daddy again." She spoke it loud and with confidence to him this time. 

As she watched his face transform from doubt to pure joy she wondered why she'd ever worried about what he'd think. 

He she was telling the man she loved that she was carrying his child. 

He rushed to her and whisper words of love and thanks. Delighted in their news. He scooped her up and carried her to the bedroom, adoring her and the child she now carried in her belly. 

It was the best feeling in the world. 


	11. Chapter 11

:

 **Carousel**

 **Chapter 11**

"All packed?" 

"All packed... I think?" She looked around the room that had been hers for six happy months. 

Now it was time for her to go home. Back to Charles. Back to a bit of an uncertain future, and a lot of explaining to do, but she was going back and that's what mattered the most to both of them. 

"This time next week Molly." Charles interrupted her thoughts. "You, me, and our baby will be all together again." 

She laughed. "Steady on mate. Our baby, as you call it, still a little bump in my tummy. We haven't even had the first scan yet." 

"You know what I mean." He laughed back. "Besides we'll have the scan by this time next week." Happiness still his constant friend about their news. 

Molly didn't answer back and Charles knew why. So far they had told no one. Suspicious until that first twelve week scan, and also concerned about how some would take the news. Namely her family! Jacqui of course knew, the only one, Molly had poured her heart out to on her return after her very brief reunion with Charles. She was worried about what people would think. Jacqui, sad to be losing her friend was truly delighted at the news. 

Other's reactions were not expected to be as positive as Jacqui's which caused Molly and Charles to have their first disagreement about her plans over the next few days. She be UK side in 48 hrs but begged Charles to let her do it her way. Her family wanted to meet her, they hadn't known she'd be home for that week's sick leave and so hadn't seen her for the whole six months. They certainly didn't know she was pregnant. They had missed her and wanted to see her. So Molly agreed to their loving demands, and planned a few days at her parents before traveling to see Charles. Charles reluctantly agreed, it was going to feel like a lifetime, not just five more days. Molly promising that when she did tell them the news, he most certainly would be alongside her to take his share of the inevitable fall out.

Her stay however with her family though was shorter than even that. Her family's negativity towards Charles as soon as Molly got back was difficult to endure. However she defended him, whatever she said it was never enough. Molly started to struggled to hide her symptoms, as well as to keep a civil tongue in her head, and so she cut short her visit. Missing him too much. Unsurprisingly her family also disapproved of this.

It was something she never thought she'd do, not again, not for anyone. Yet here she was doing it for Charles. She decided to surprise him. Not wanting to explain herself on the phone and not trusting that she wouldn't break down telling him, her hormones all over the place. They had only managed brief conversations since she arrived back, and they simply weren't enough to settle her longing for him. 

Anxiously she stood there waiting, quite aware that the young Private in the guardhouse was scrutinising her as well as her passport. Her booking into the camp was long, as there was no record of a Molly Dawes ever visiting the camp before, so she had to endure the obligatory photos being taken and questions to answer. It may have been a surprise visit but security still needed to be followed. The romance of it all just lost on the military. 

Waiting in that cold impersonal office, she started to feel that this was a dreadful mistake, foolishly thinking her spontaneity would have been fun for them. Wishing now, after half an hour of waiting that she had called him, had arranged a time to meet. Yet here she was waiting, with no one able to find him, true she had no idea where he was but the British Army should have, and she was getting pissed off that they couldn't find him.

Eventually though the Private informed her that someone from Major James' section would come and take her to his office, he was now finally free to see her, and so when Lance Corporal Green arrived to be her guide Molly felt like a naughty school kid waiting to be taken to the head master's office, rather than a lover waiting to be reunited. 

The Lance Corporal was young, pretty, professional and desperate to find out exactly who Molly was. Leading her through the maze of corridors to Charles' office she asked as many open questions as she deemed polite. Molly skilfully play then down and gave little away. She felt old, and crumpled next to this crisp perfectly dress young thing, something that she was sure the young solider was all too aware of. The walk to his office was short but filled with sights, smells and memories of her past life. Every step she made towards him she felt as step back towards her old life. The life that had been taken away from her, and a life she was so desperate not infect this new one with, this new one they were starting together. She was distracted, and nervous, making her a poor subject for Green to interrogate, who was confident in these surroundings, whereas Molly was not. 

Eventually she was shown into Charles' office, he rose politely from his chair as he would any guest, and thanked Green. He came across strict and totally professional with her, and as he dismissed her Molly notice a small blush from Green as she offered her good byes to them both. Molly noticing that Green's eyes had briefly fallen on his desk photo, one of her and Sam taken many years ago, and she had realised exactly who his visitor was. There was a small look of regret as she left, and Molly wondered just how many other young soldiers had secret crushes on her Major. It thrilled her slightly, that she had this man, but also made her uncomfortable, that no matter what happened in their life Charles would always have admirers for her to have secret worries about. 

On entering his office he was cold, direct and showed no signs of emotion. The Charles she had fallen in love with all those years ago, the one who believed in keeping church and state separate. It gave her a brief glimpse of the Charles who she had loved but had left them all those years ago, and a small vein of fear past through her heart. However as soon as the door was closed, as soon as they were alone, he became Charles again. He became the Charles she loved and recognised, his other persona forgotten as he stepped forward and held her tightly. 

"Hello you. I'm so sorry... been in a bloody meeting. No one told me you were here." He didn't give her time to reply instead he claimed her mouth as she stared up at him. The kiss was everything she had dreamt it would be during the very long broken journey that had given her plenty of time to think. She'd had to depend on trains and taxis to get her this far, leaving her parent's house in such a determined manner, her travel plans had not been well thought out. All she knew she needed him, and that was the one thought in her head as the long hours passed and the nausea impeded her. Now in his welcoming arms, being held by him she knew it was all worth it, every second, though she wished she wasn't quite so disappointing to look at. The stress of travelling and the pregnancy making her feel as though she was a poor welcome back present for Charles. 

Eventually they broke apart. Again Molly attempted to speak but Charles rushed on. His delight in seeing her obviously shining out from his eyes. Looking up into those brown orbs she stopped for a while doubting herself, feeling as though all he saw was her, her beauty, and her love for him shining right back out of her eyes into his. 

"What are you doing here? Thought I was picking you up tomorrow?" He moved her back slightly, one hand holding her to him, the other unconsciously sort out her belly and began to stroke it. This made her smile, her heart flutter, and everything else seem surmountable, as long as they had each other's love. 

"I couldn't wait could I?" She replied honestly, but he could see that there was also something else she didn't say, he didn't push her though. She seemed too fragile for that. "It's good to be back." She mumbled into his scratchy uniform top, breathing in the scent of her man at work. The remains of his shower gel, lingering, but it was the smell of his raw energy, hours of anxiety and sweat that pervaded her senses. This was the smell of her man, the soldier at work, and she realised then she had interrupted his day.

She felt guilty, not considering him in her actions, all she had known at the time was she needed to see him, and she need to escape from her family's persecution of him. Looking up at him she saw how he was torn. He was still very much in military mode, but so desperately wanted to spend time with Molly, time that she quickly realised he didn't have to give at this very moment. 

"Sorry I shouldn't have just turned up." She apologised, her hormone fed doubts starting to surface again. 

"Don't ever saw sorry for that." He spoke sharply, but it was just the right tone for her to hear him, to believe him. "These past three days have driven me crazy, you being home and us not together."

She was grateful for his words, and briefly gained some security from them, but just too soon he released her. Turning on his heels and walked over to his desk covering over some files, and maps, that lay there. He looked at her sadly when he caught her staring at his actions.

He attempted an explanation, pulling, in the childlike way he always had, the short curls on the back of his neck. A sure sign of self-doubt.

"Sorry...but yeah I'm busy. Really busy. I'd planned to get this all done today and be free from tomorrow, and for our leave." 

She grabbed her bag.

"It's ok I should have called. I'll go back to yours if that ok? I'm knackered actually." 

He strode over to her.

"I'm sorry Molly. I won't be home until late either. Had it all planned you see. You're just a beautiful surprise a day early." He returned back to her and held her. "Can't even leave camp to drive you home either. I'm senior on call today, can't leave until after eight. 

She pulled away feeling very much as though she was about to be dismissed. The environment, the secrecy were all little points that started to make her feel uncomfortable. She was back in a world she'd had ran from, actively chosen to leave behind, and here it was starting to make her feel uncomfortable. 

It was dark when he got home. His day had been a stressful one, a day where an outcome had been agreed but one he was desperately unhappy about. An outcome that he would stall telling Molly about until absolutely necessary.

He was surprised to find the house in darkness as he drove up his drive, fearful for a moment that she wasn't there, that she'd gone again. But his fears were quashed when he saw her shoes and bag abandoned, Molly style, across his hallway. He smiled at the small pile of chaos that she had caused in such a small amount of time, and so finding no signs of her in his darkened downstairs he quietly climbed the stairs. 

As he pushed open his bedroom door, the light from the en-suite was dim enough for him to find her outline under his duvet. She was burrowed into it like some small woodland creature, with only the tip of her nose and hair spilled out from underneath. He marvelled at how right it looked, her in his bed once again. 

He glanced at the time and sighed. It was late, hours since he'd last seen her, and he was desperate to wake her, draw her into him and love her. He wanted to rediscover her body and admire the changes the past six weeks would have made to this woman carrying his child. But he didn't. He let her sleep, sneaking off downstairs to feed and water himself before returning an hour or so later to slumber next to her. 

She woke suddenly as though someone had shook her, but instantly relaxed as she felt his arms clinging to her curled up framed. The need to empty her bladder screaming out to her, interrupted the peace she felt just lying there, so she slid quickly moved from him and regretted it instantly. 

Woken by the noise of her retching, he was instantly alert, instantly by her side holding her hair, stroking her back as he always used to do. They stayed there for a while until she felt better, offering her soothing reassurances and water to rinse her mouth out, then slowly he walked her back to the bed. 

"Sorry." She half sobbed into her pillow as she again curled herself up. She lay with her back to him, as though she was protecting herself from seeing his displeasure.

He stroked her back and tried to roll her towards him, but she resisted, instead curling herself tighter into a ball. 

"Molly? What wrong?" He asked. 

"What apart from redecorating your toilet?" She reverted back to her old defence of humour to throw him off. It didn't work, never did with this man who knew her soul like no one else. 

"That doesn't matter Molly. You know that right?" And then seeing her shake her head, he leaned over and gently unwound her so she rolled over and lay half across him. Slowly he stroked her hair. "Talk to me Molly." He purred into her ear. 

"I'm a mess. Feel awful. Look awful. Can't stop being sick, and I messed up my home coming with you didn't I?" The tears were now falling fast. 

"You did no such thing." He laughed. Then hearing her sob added. "And you don't look anything apart from wonderful. God I've missed you. Missed you both." He planted a very hard desperate kiss to her head.

She dared to raise her head, despite the wave of nausea it brought on.

"I look fat." She pouted out. 

He chuckled at this.

"No you don't, not from what I've seen anyway. You just look beautiful." Sliding himself carefully down the bed, now lying facing her. 

For Molly, for her emotional state he'd said the magic words and she smiled.

"Don't feel it though. Feel awful. And my tits itch something rotten." 

At this he burst out laughing and received a playful smack on his arms, along with a very childlike. "It's not funny." From Molly, who to his utter thanks started to smile and laugh again. 

Their pillow talk remained soft and gentle throughout the night, both expressing their happiness and the plans for their next few weeks leave. Her nausea quelled enough to try some soup and water, and they spent the next couple of hours snuggled into one another watching the sunrise on a new day in their new future. Everything was so new for them both, and Molly's delicate health meaning that holding each other was all they could do for now. A peace settling on them both, no definite plans for their future made, only the utter belief that their future was together. There was time enough to make those plans. For now they just needed each other.

Eventually the day came, and Charles could not contain his excitement. To begin with, Molly laughed at how he bounced around the house with expectations of the day, but soon found all this energy he had was annoying. Her full bladder and nausea made her poor company for him as he drove them for her first scan. He'd had Sam so long ago, and was so disconnected, much to his shame, with Rebecca's whole pregnancy, that everything about Molly's was new to him. She couldn't fault his care for her, or his involvement in their new adventure, but just felt at times her really needed to rein it in for everyone's sake.

He constantly looked at the scan photos, declaring it was definitely a girl, looking up to find himself alone watching Molly hurry off down the corridor to the Ladies. The concern etched on his face until she returned by his side once gain.

"Everything ok?" He asked, genuine concern across his face, which quickly turned to relief and embarrassment when she explained her urgent need to empty her strained bladder.

"So?" He asked as he led her to the car, his hand cradling the small of her back protectively. "Who is first?"

She knew he wouldn't wait, she knew he'd want to tell the world now she was twelve weeks and all was well, but she still wanted a bit more time. The disappointment that flashed across his face instantly disappeared as she offered him an alternative. It had all happened so fast, it had all changed too quickly, she still needed time to sort everything out, to have some answers before she told everyone, and this was what she had planned to do.

She had booked them in for a short break miles from either of their lives, but close to her hill, her spot that he had found her at a year ago when she ran from Georgie's visit. It was here she wished for the two of them to sort their worlds and everything in it out. For this place of her past to be the place where her new future began.

The day was bright and sunny, but still he fussed. He brought blankets and coats for her, not wanting her to feel the chill. He'd also organised food from their B and B to keep her fed and the waves of nausea down. It was like de ja'vu as he turned and looked down on her sleeping form. Lying there in the grass, peaceful, content, holding on to his hand as he lay as close as he possibly could to her. His other hand splayed out on her just starting to round belly. The early summer morning breeze taking her hair and dancing with it. She had never looked so beautiful.

He knew things had moved at a pace neither of them had been prepared for, but he also knew that it had never felt so right. This second chance, this second go at living both precious for both of them.

"Molly." He whispered carefully, sudden movements on waking were still not a thing she welcomed. "Molly my love, wake up."

She rolled her head towards him, smiling at his voice well before she opened her eyes.

"Don't want to." She teased. "Not unless there's cake."

He laughed at this and kissed her on the nose, her eyes still firmly shut. He knew her game, hoping he'd leave her alone to drift off again, but he couldn't not this time, plans were afoot, and he needed her awake.

"Molly, are you going to wake up?"

"I told you, I'm only going to if there's cake." She laughed back out at him, but slowly rolled over onto her side so there faces almost touched. "You ok?" She asked as she saw his face. He looked unwell.

"I love you." He replied "You know that, don't you. I'll never hurt you again?"

"Charles, I know…." She sensed his worries, she knew it was time, she knew he was about to firm up their relationship, that he was to ask her the question he asked her once before and she had undeniably said yes to.

Yet this time she didn't want that. She didn't want him to ask her again.

Last time it was the natural thing to do. The order of things, what society expected from them, but that wasn't them anymore.

Despite it all, despite the years in between, they had kept on loving each other, and still would even if he never asked her the question. Even if she changed the order of things.

She stalled him.

"Cake?" She offered as she sat up, and began to rummage in the bag she herself had packed.

"No Molly, that's not what I want." He sat up too and pulled her around to face him, taking her left hand.

"Molly…." He began nervously.

She couldn't let him do it, she didn't want him to do it. This wasn't the way. Her mind frantically searched for ways to stop him.

"No Charles. Please. Don't. No" She stood, above him and watched as he recovered himself enough to follow her up.

"Molly? You know what I'm going to ask. I thought it's what you wanted? What we wanted." His voice cracked but he held his face neutral. His heart not believing that she was refusing his proposal before he'd even spoke it.

"I want cake." Was all she replied, and he watched her kneel down to the hamper to get it. His eyes never leaving her.

He stood still, dazed at her actions, taking moments to realise what she was doing.

Her kneeling stance in front of him was no longer that of his love hunting for cake, but was of her on one knee, kneeling in front of him, taking his hand.

"Charles." She almost whispered the words out, he only caught them because he saw her lips move. Her eyes were alight, dancing as she took in the whole of his shocked face.

She reached for his hand, that seemed to refuse to move on their own accord. He towered above her, him standing, her kneeling, yet she'd never felt so mighty in his company before.

"Charles." She whispered again, though this time slightly stronger.

"Will you marry me?"


	12. Chapter 12

**Carousel**

 **Chapter 12**

"I'm sorry Molly." He whispered into her hair. "I am so sorry."

She pulled herself back from him. She was in control. He'd expected tears, anger, fury. She showed nothing of that. 

"Don't you dare, don't you dare apologise. This isn't your fault." She sharply spoke to him, pulling herself back from his hug and settling herself in the passenger seat of his car. "I guess it was too soon." 

"It is my fault though really. When you think about it." He exclaimed. 

She turned. 

"Charles James listen to me. I love you. I love this baby inside of me. I love us and the life we're gonna have. My family have to accept it." 

He rested his head against the headrest, eyes closed as he tried to forget the angry scene that they had just experienced. 

She had been so happy when he had said 'yes' to her proposal. 

It had taken him a lifetime though to utter the words. 

So completely shocked. 

She later admitted that it had been the longest moment of her life... waiting for his answer. 

He later admitted he'd never expected her to ask him...ever...and had struggled to believe she had.

He finally did though. A sign, if he needed it, that she loved him just as much as he loved her.

The happiness they both felt was immeasurable and they wanted to share. 

She'd had high hopes, a great believer in seeing the good in everyone, well in most people any way, there was always the exception to that rule. She'd truly expected everyone to be happy about their news, as happy as she was, and so within hours of Charles accepting Molly's proposal she had plans about sharing it with her family. 

They drove to London together. Frequently stopping for bathroom breaks and rests to accommodate Molly's delicate constitution. The journey was therefore long but happy. In the beginning, they talked lots, hands intertwines with the others constantly, making plans as the miles went by about the new life they were creating in more ways than one. The closer they got though the more anxious she became however, her happy conversation eventually dried up and finally she admitted how negative her family had been about him being back in her life. 

Time though, she reassured him and maybe herself, and the hope that the news of their marriage and another grandchild would change their views. 

How wrong she had been, they welcomed her cautiously, mindful of how she had left days before, but as soon as Nan spotted him the situation became explosive. There was no forgiveness towards Charles. The ten years they hadn't seen him had not mellowed their views on his adultery, but had allowed them to fester. And so as soon he walked through the door, as she broke their news, the hate for him started to pour forth. 

The Dawes women, who had been there for Molly after him and Georgie, who had seen first hand the pain he had caused were not allowing themselves this time to be susceptible to his charms. They instead offered, as did Dave, Molly an ultimatum...she had a definite choice to make...her family or Charles. 

Not wanting to believe what he had just heard he turned to her for some sort of sign. He watched as Molly stood there in the dull, cluttered hallway slowly realising that choices, for now, were going to have to be made. He even feared, foolishly, in those first moments that she might even chose her family over him, until he saw that long forgotten dash of stubbornness spark in her eyes. 

She turned. The choice had been made. Leaving the flat with a few quite words of regret and how she held onto his hand and led them towards his car, in case he needed, confirmed the side she stood on. She had chosen Charles. She chose him them and she chose him now. It was simple, she always would. 

Stoically, with no trace of emotion, she continued like this in utter silence as he drove her away from Dave and Belinda's estate. She didn't look back, though he noticed she didn't really look at him either, and that's when he offered her his words of apology. 

"I'm the one who should be sorry." She whispered to him, her eyes not leaving the window she stared out of. "I was so hurt, so angry... and they heard it all. No wonder they can't forgive you." 

He tried to grab her hand, but she pulled hers away. "No Charles. I hated you. Told them that for so long, and now they can't forgive, they can't forget." 

It broke his heart to hear her say she had hated him. He knew she would have, he knew he had deserved to be. What he had done was unforgivable, yet here she was next to him and she somehow had forgiven him. It had taken her time and understanding to be able to offer him forgiveness. He hoped eventually her family would do the same. 

They carried on in silence. Molly lost in her thoughts, though every now and then she turned to him and briefly smiled. When their eyes met all they saw in each other's was guilt. 

"It's tomorrow isn't it." She finally said as they left the London traffic behind. 

He dared not guess as to what she meant, instead just looked at her. Her eyes finally shining with tears, but they weren't there because of her family they were there because of a whole sadder reason. Then he understood.

"Yeah. Yes it is." His voice caught in his throat, thick with the grief that still filled him whenever he remembered, which was even now, most days. 

"We should go. On our way to your Dad's. We're passing aren't we?" She slid her hand into his which had automatically sort hers out. 

"We could? Are you sure?" He asked, risking taking his eyes off the road for a second longer than safe, just to ensure she really meant it.

He saw that she did. Then her next words floored him. He never knew that she knew. 

"You still go every year don't you?" She held onto his hand tighter than he thought she ever had done so before, as though she was trying to stop him from disappearing down the black hole of guilt that had once consumed him. She was showing him she was his anchor now. 

"How did you know?" He asked slightly amazed. It was something he had told no one. It was something he did though every year without fail.

In the past twelve years he hadn't missed this date, not once. 

He'd always come alone, but it seems fitting that today he was here with Molly. Elvis would have liked that. He guessed he would have been happy to see Charles putting their lives back together. 

For years he had come to see Elvis on the anniversary of his death to beg forgiveness. Still feeling guilty for his death, for messing things up with Georgie, and for failing his friend in more ways than he could ever imagine. But then as the therapy started, as he stated to slowly climb out of the black hole he had been stuck in, he started to visit just because he missed his friend and enjoyed being near him again, in whatever way he could. 

They spent an hour or so there. Taking in the peace of the land and sharing with each other stories about their dead friend. Joking about his life and rejoicing in the happy times he had spent with them. Charles notice that one or twice Molly mentioned Georgie's name in their adventures, both understanding that she would never be written out of their past, but was not part of their future. 

The time spent by Elvis' grave calmed them, brought them closer and made them realise the precious gift they had re-discovered. He would never be forgotten, part of them as much as they wanted or need him to be, but he would never be the source for guilt no more. 

At first he said nothing, he just stood there staring at them in the draughty kitchen at Royal Crescent. Both Molly and Charles saddened and concerned by his reaction, wondering if anyone they knew would ever be happy by their news. 

They had told Edward, about their soon to be marriage and about their soon to be baby, double news and had expected an explosive reaction from him. Instead they got none. Charles felt Molly's whole body sag with disappointment underneath his hands as they rested on her shoulders.

"Dad?" He ventured. "Did you hear what we said?" Hoping there was a misunderstanding. 

Instead he was presented with his father standing in front of him, rivers of tears running down his face muttering over and over. 

"Oh I wish Elizabeth was here. Oh I wish she could have seen this day son."

Then bursting out of his stupor and pulling them into the hugs and felicitations that had been stalled by his shock. His happiness rivalled theirs. The three of them joyous in the family kitchen that had been the heart of the home Elizabeth had made for the James family. Elizabeth who, without her throughout the years, and even in her death had been the force behind their reunion. 

Molly giggled again, as she saw Sam's face twist once again on the screen with disgust, earning her a stern, trade mark look from Charles. 

"I am happy. I mean it. Yeah it really good news and that but bloody hell Dad! A kid at your aged?" Sam echoed out across the electronic void. He was still back packing somewhere and it had taken weeks for them to track him down. When they finally did his reaction to the news seemed one of embarrassment rather than joy. 

"Well that went badly." Charles said once the connection ended. 

Molly rolled over to him. Her unrestrained breasts increasing in size and tenderness every day, causing her to wince as she moved. They were snuggled up in his bed, their bed, his leave over and back to the normality of jobs. So they were living, for now, at his.

"Don't take it too hard." She stroked away the creases on his forehead. "No kid likes to be reminded that their parents have sex still." And she caught his look. The look that was filled with desire, something she still didn't feel up to satisfying, and she knew that he understood, but he found each day without intimacy more and more difficult to deal with. 

Charles tried to re-focus on their conversation, tearing his eyes away from the naked curves that lay underneath the thin sheet that covered her, the colour of her nipples and intimate triangle staining the otherwise pure whiteness of the sheet. 

"He wasn't that excited about being asked to be best man either." He huffed out, mainly due to the frustration he felt being so close to this Madonna and being unable to touch, frightened of the waves of nausea he could unleash.

"Yeah he was. Beside he'll just be sad his trips coming to an end. He'll be home by the end of the month. Then Sandhurst here he comes." She reasoned back. 

"I know but still Molly. You'd think he could have pretended at least." Charles slid down next to her readying himself for a night's sleep, vital for the day at work he had before him. 

During their leave, they had planned, arranged, organised. All their ducks were finally in a row Molly happily told him once the final deposit had been paid. Five weeks today they would be married. A very small ceremony, exclusive Molly liked to call it. No one but them, Edward and Sam, her family had once again refused the olive branch of peace she had offered. 

There would be no honeymoon, no time to spend together other than a few nights away as his surprise to her. Then both of them would be back to work. Apart, doing the jobs they had to do, until they could plan a bit more and be together. Their forced separation, their living separately during the week did not worry him, though he'd regretted it. Instead it was the threat of his impending deployment soon after that was causing him pain. 

He still had not told Molly. The arrangement, the sickness, the sorting of their life out at one hundred miles an hour since she'd returned made him want to protect her just that little bit longer from the reality of a sad situation. That he would have to leave his new, almost six months pregnant bride, for a training tour that would last just short of eight weeks. 

But our girl Molly was no fool. She knew the signs, small ones to begin with... an extra tube of toothpaste making its way into the grocery basket, or the new weather app on his phone checking on the weather in Norway. Then as their leave ending drew closer and he returned back to work it was the extra paperwork he brought home, "just to check", or his kit bag suddenly brought out of the cupboard and ever present on the floor of the spare room. 

She had spent the day making even more lists , more plans on how they were to transfer her life in Bristol to his, theirs, in Warminster. A commutable distance, he insisted, for now, but once Baby arrived she'd be giving up her Bristol life and living with him permanently, as man and wife. 

She didn't hear him walk through the door, later that night. Another sure sign he was being deployed, his days were getting longer. When she turned to look at him she saw how weighed down by it all he was and her heart broke. This wasn't like the last few times he had gone off, when he'd ran from her, this time he could see he was torn about his leaving.

"Sorry." Was all he said as he slumped down next to her, stroking her growing belly and planting a kiss on her nose. "I'll try to be home at a decent time tomorrow." 

She nestled herself into his out stretched arm, as he sat there on the sofa. His head rolling backwards, stretching out his legs onto the coffee table. She felt his weariness as he rhythmically ran his hand through her hair. 

Quietly she spoke. Needed to know the answers, but not wanting him to get stressed about it all now he was home. 

"When, where, and for how long." Was all she asked. 

He blew out a sigh, followed by a slight chuckle. 

"I should have known you'd guess. A week after our wedding. Seven weeks. Norway. Training." 

She stretched her arms around him and held him tight. 

"Ok. Then. It could be worse. Now we know." Was her only reply. 

They had been through this before, good times and bad times, good tours and bad tours, but this time it was so different. This time he'd come back, back in time for their baby to be born, back to them as a family. And as they sat there and they promised the world to each other and how it would change nothing, both knew, both felt it. That tiny thread of fear that was starting to grip their hearts and souls again, because no matter how much they promised to each other that it would be different, they could only hope that it would be.

They drew lots of attention on the parade ground all those weeks later, Major James and his new wife, but old wife, who was by now very obviously pregnant. She knew the camp gossip would be rife for months after this. Lance Corporal Peters smiling the biggest smile she could as she knew she'd be the one everyone came to for the gossip.

Looking up at Charles, who too was taking in the attention that they were attracting she only saw him smile. He was enjoying it. She remembered that in the past it used to annoy him the ability for them to be gossiped about for the slightest thing, working for the same firm he used to say had its major disadvantages. It never used to bother her though, until the whole Georgie thing, where she couldn't even eat in the canteen without waves of gossip and pity reaching her ears. Then as if to reinforce to her the new man he was, that he was comfortable in their relationship, he turned and pulled her into him, regardless of protocol, kissing her on the nose as he did. Beaming away at his new bride. She hadn't seen him this happy for days, and she stole the memory of his smile and locked it firmly away in her heart.

Soon, to soon though it was time for them to leave, essential Major mode was now required and he snapped back into it without hesitation, she lost him for a bit as he did his duties. She knew though that even amid the organising, the confirming, the chaos of it all he would come back to her, and say good bye properly. And that is just what he did. Their goodbye was sweet, Charles dropping kisses onto Molly's face as well as her rounded tummy. Both uttering promises to write, call, FaceTime, anything, just as long as they did so often.

And then he was gone.

"Sam?" She screamed at him. "I think I need help."

The urgency in her voice frightened him as he sprinted into the sitting room of her flat. It was his final weekend before Sandhurst and he was helping Molly pack, as well as sampling the delights of the city she lived in.

He didn't know what to expect when he heard his 7 months pregnant step Mum scream at him for help, but as he rounded into the room he hadn't expected to be greeted by such a scene.

Molly was sitting comfortably stretched out on the sofa, pizza boxes either sided of her. The left overs from their tea. Perched on top of her now very large tummy were the remains of the cookie box she had insisted she needed, for purely medical reasons.

"Sam. You've gotta help. Stage and intervention and move the bleeding food away from me." She pleaded. "I think I might actually burst."

He laughed as he did what he was bid, but not before he took a few photos of her predicament to send to his Dad.

Communication between Charles and Molly had been great in the past five weeks. He had called every night, and often at bed time he'd even been able to FaceTime, so they still could go to bed together every night. Molly found it so cute, especially the way she had to hold the screen up for him to kiss Baby every time. Tonight though for the first time since he had gone it was going to be different. They were off out on manoeuvres and he'd be out of contact with her for five days. Hence Sam's visit, closely followed by Edward's, all arranged by Charles secretly before he left.

Seeing what Sam had just done, she could only shout playfully at him. Too slow to stand, too lazy to move as she watched him press the send button. Immediately his phone sprang to life as Charles replied. Sam laughing at the comments. His phone then kept pinging with more incoming messages.

"What?" She shouted at him. "Show me." Stretching out her hands like a child demanding her toy.

Sam bent down and dropped the phone by her side.

"You're going to kill him when you see him." He joked, then backing out of the room he shouted over his shoulder. "Scroll through. Dad's sent some photos through too. They'll be up on the site later tonight."

Molly sat there laughing to herself at the rude comments Charles had made about her size, and ever increasing appetite. Once, in another life she may have been offended by his personal comments and comparisons of her to a whale, but not now. All comments about her size, her pregnancy only reinforced the wonderfulness of the new life she had now growing inside of her.

She, slowly, as she did most things now, scrolled through the photos Charles had sent through. They were official ones, taken by the Army PR machine showing the Platoon and others on their training. Plenty of action shots, and set up combat situations advertising their roles out there. Charles, not surprisingly, featured heavy in them all, and there were numerous one of him in the obligatory photos of the different sections that were always taken on tours.

Molly remembered the time when she had first met Charles and they had their photo taken for the very first time together. Little did she know then that that moment, that section photograph immortalised an image that would be the start of her new life in so many ways.

She scrutinised these ones the most, zooming in on every feature, every soldier, needing to feel near to him, and those he was serving out there with.

Minutes later Sam strolled back into the room. He'd planned on cashing in on Molly's happy mood, by suggesting that they go out for a few drinks around the town, to see some of the city's sights.

However he stopped abruptly as soon as he saw her face. She had tears in her eyes, but they weren't falling. She had sat herself up right, now perched on the sofa's edge. Her body tense and guarded, her hand clutching at her belly.

"Molly? You Ok? Is it the Baby?" He asked with mounting fear.

She said nothing, instead silently passed his phone back to him.

"No. It's not the baby. Look, picture number 9."

Confused Sam scrolled through the pictures on his phone, trying to work out the change to Molly. It was only then when he reached the photo she had told him to find did he understand.

There Charles stood, facing the camera, posed amongst his soldiers in a formal section photo. Sharing the scene with all those on the training tour, surrounded by numerous anonymous faces.

All except one.

There standing at the back and to the side of him, smiling in to the camera, unaware of the pain their presence was causing, was….

Corporal Georgie Lane. RAMC.


	13. Chapter 13

**Carousel**

 **Chapter 13**

Charles wearily slumped onto his put up bed. Throwing the paper work he'd just been given down on his desk. He needed to review the list of personnel, but sleep called him, and it would have to wait until the morning.

It had been a frantic, stressful couple of hours, but finally they were there, at the exercise site, settled in for the next five days. No mobile phones signal from here on in, only official contact with the outside world if and only when necessary. As real as possible conditions were being observed. 

He slowly took his boots off thinking about the last eight hours. The loading up, the final prep for the manoeuvres and the bloody endless rounds of photos he had to pose for. He knew it was a tradition, and something the soldiers held a lot of pride in, but today it had been one after another. Photos with his platoons, their host's platoons, the groups of civilians working alongside them, and even photos with the reservist units that had arrived minutes before the photographer had made her escape. As with the regulars they too were keen to have a memento of the event and Charles complied knowing little about them, but wanting to please. Quickly taking his place to allow the photo to be taken with the minimum fuss, and for him to get back to more pressing matters. 

So at last now all the official marks of the coming day's events were over he was free to relax and have some down time. He laid himself gingerly on the put up, never quite trusting them, and pulled out his phone. He knew he'd have no signal, intending instead to scroll through the photos of Molly. Something to make him smile before he fell asleep, a habit he'd once gotten out of. A habit he loved being able to fall back into again. Her face, her smile, her expanding body making him homesick, but happy that she was and would now always would be part of his home to miss. 

Within seconds though he was wide awake and alert. He shot out of the bed and grabbed the files. Tearing his eyes down the lists, not quite believing what he'd seen. There was no mistake however how many times he looked. There she was, Georgie, standing behind him, looking directly at the camera. Lined up smart and efficient in her role as a RAMC reservist. Part of the exercise for the next five days. As if he needed it her presence was confirmed by the file opened before him, her name definitely on the list. Lane was here, with him, for the next five days and there was nothing he could do about it. 

He started to plan, to think about his tactics around her, then halted on his thoughts. Instead another dreadful though filled his mind. Grabbing his phone, scrolling through led to him shouting out a curse when he realised just what he'd done. He'd included the photo in the batch he'd forwarded on to Sam, and Molly. This well-known cool under pressure Major began to worry. 

He had no way of contacting her, all he could do, he reasoned with himself almost constantly, was to wait out, and pray when he did get to talk to her she'd listen to the truth. All he could do was hope. 

The five days that followed, mercifully for him were high octane, frantic and allowed only a little time for him to dwell too long on the fuck up he'd made. There were only a few hours each night, when he was alone, when he worried about it all. It was during this time that he formulated his plan, his conversation with Molly... all which seemed to begin with him begging forgiveness for something he had no control over. 

It had been a last minute thing Georgie joining her reservist unit for this training exercise. Charles of course had known that she had left the Army as soon as she married Marco, and was only now aware that she had re-joined as a reservist. Dedicating several weeks a year to keeping up to date and training other medics. It made sense. She'd always loved the role, the prestige the Army had given her, the importance she felt in the uniform, and so in this way she had the best of both worlds. 

She was excited as she arrived on the camp. The sound, the energy and activity all familiar to her. As a late comer she studied hard about the exercise and her role within it. Catching up with the others she'd be Medic for and the other units involved. She had been shocked when she first saw him, when she learnt he was the CO of the exercise.

Over the past years she had tried to avoid anything to do with him, but it was hard. They were bonded by the history they shared, she knew they always would be.

The news about Charles and Molly reached her ears from Elvis' parents, who had gushed about the news, delighted in it still unaware of what it meant to Georgie. It felt odd. She'd never expected it. Had hoped that Molly and Charles' ship had sailed, sad that it had on some level, but still slightly pleased that they never had their happy ending just like her and Elvis. If she was totally honest with herself, something she avoided most of the time in her settled life, their getting back together news stung her slightly. 

Somewhere deep down Georgie believed secretly that their one and only time shouldn't have been just that. She hoped that it had been the start. However as the months went by and he didn't pursue her, flatter her need for attention she started to realise that Charles saw it as a mistake, but she couldn't stop herself wondering. 

She thought he'd just need time. Once she knew that his and Molly's relationship was definitely over, she started to seek Charles' company out. Initially in the guise of friendship and support, she knew he was unwell and needed friends. She started to make excuses to see him, always a bit too friendly when she was with him, touched him once or twice more than could be interpreted as just friendly, but she got nothing back from Charles. He was dead inside, just, if she had been honest with herself, like her, he had nothing to give, and the reality of it was neither had she. He was broken; he'd messed up and lost the love of his life, just like her. They were both grieving for Elvis and lives that had been ruined by their actions. It wasn't each other they wanted, it was someone else, and so slowly step by step, day by day she moved on. 

Then suddenly one day Marco came into her world and all hopes, all dreams of being able to move on, to forget about Elvis disappeared. Marco was too much like his elder brother. Every time she saw him she saw a bit of Elvis, and couldn't keep away from the attraction of him. Eventually she stared to slowly fall in love him. Not in the way she had loved Elvis, she'd never love anyone in that way again, but she loved Marco just enough to feel a degree of happiness again. 

Seeing him again therefore, unexpectedly, in an all too familiar situation caused her to stop, unsure what to do. So many memories flooded to the surface. Suddenly she was desperate to see him again, to talk to him, to remind him again what a good medic, soldier she still was. Prove herself to him. 

And so it was the first thing the next morning, before he'd fully stepped out of his accommodation she was there. Waiting for him. Waiting to re-engage with him. 

"Hiya Charlie. I mean Sir." She giggled as he stopped at the sight of her. She cursed how weak she appeared. Her whole body trying to prove itself in his commanding presence once again. She felt her long suppressed attraction to him waken up. 

He stood still, arms by his side. No emotion. In control of himself, the situation and her. 

"Lane. Aren't we forgetting something?" Emotionless even in his tone. 

She saluted instantly, aware she had done the opposite of what she had hoped to do. She had pissed him off with her error for the rules. 

"Right. Crack on then." Was all he said and walked away. 

Georgie stood there speechless. In those brief moments she had seen all she had needed to see. He didn't see her, he didn't respond to her. He never had been apart from that one life changing time. Charles did, and always would, belong to Molly. She slowly walked to the canteen. To emerge herself in the trials of her day, but as she walked away she knew one thing. She was jealous. 

Charles stayed successfully out of Georgie's way for the remainder of the exercise. Five long days of dodging the Lane bullet. As she had little if anything to do with his platoons, there was therefore no genuine need to actively seek her out. Yet still he gave a huge sigh of relief when the reservists unit left at the end of the exercise.

Their departure not only signalled that they too were bound for home soon, but it would mean that within hours they'd have telephone signal back, and he'd be able to call Molly.

"Dad. Oh thank God. I've tried everyone." Charles barked down the line. "Where's Molly? She's not taking my calls."

He had tried frantically to call her as soon as he had privacy and a signal. His heart sank as he tried again and again, but each time she failed to answer his calls. She was ignoring him, he tried Sam, but again no answer, then he tried his father. This was the first time in several hours of trying that he had actually got anyone to answer. 

"Charles calm down. Thank God you called though." His father gasped out into the phone. "It's Molly. She's had an accident." 

Charles' world stopped, of all the scenarios that had gone through his head as to why Molly wasn't answering his calls , it never once struck him that she was hurt, or worse. He couldn't lose her again, not like this. 

"Give me the bleeding phone." Molly shouted irritated by Edward's drama. 

When he heard her down the line, his world slowly restarted again.

"Molly?" 

"Hello you. It's Molly. For God's sake Charles don't worry I'm fine." She heard a sob like noise from the phone, and memories flooded back to her about what it felt like to be so far away from home hearing bad news. 

"What happened. You ok? Is Baby ok? Oh fuck Molly I'm sorry " 

"Charles calm down. I'm fine. Had a tumble that's all, tripped on some boxes. Sprained my ankle and smashed my phone. I'm fine... honest." 

He couldn't speak. So many thoughts, questions ran through his head.

"When... I couldn't get through...I thought…. you're sure... what happened?" 

She knew he still wasn't hearing her. Shocked.

She spoke slow to help him understand. 

"I'm ok Charles. Tripped over my packing boxes. I've only twisted my ankle. I'm fine... Baby is fine... we're just on bed rest for two weeks that's all. Your Dad has appointed himself my nurse and so we've shut up my flat and decamped to yours. Ours." She added on shy. 

"God Molly when I couldn't get through I started to panic. Worry. You sure you're ok?" A small smile though had stared to spread across his face at the use of the word 'ours'. It was a good sign. 

"Charles believe me we are both fine. Just bruising and an earlier start to my mat leave than planned. Ok? Now what about you? You ok?" 

He allowed himself to let out an astonished laugh. Here she was still the one doing the caring.

"Yes. I'm ok. Molly... look I need to tell you..." She didn't let him finish. 

"I know...Georgie's been there too. Saw the photo." She confirmed. 

"Look Molly you know I didn't know. It was a shock. Or else I would have said. Hardly saw her. Nothing happened." At this he was greeted by almost hysterical laughter. He waited several minutes to hear her talk again. 

"Bloody hell Charles. I know. It was a bit of a shock and that, seeing her there. Like old times. Guessed you would have said if you'd known before hand. Oh, and of course nothing bloody happened." She sighed down the phone. "Remember I know you." 

And it was with that simple sentence that quelled all his worries, but still he pressed on. 

"I know just that once...that wasn't me... I'd never hurt you again. I just want you, us to be happy." 

"I know Bossman." She calmed him with his nick name from so long ago. One she tried so hard not to use now, it carried too many memories. "The man I married... married him twice actually...would never do that to me. I know. For a while you weren't you. We both fucked up, but that's not us. It wasn't us a long time before that, and it's never gonna be like that for us again." 

"Shit Molly. I've been so worried. Desperate." His voice quiet in his confession. 

"I love you." Was all she simply replied . Then before he could reply she added. "And I know you love me." 

Edward stood in the kitchen preparing their evening meal listening to one half of the gentle loving conversation between his son and daughter in law. Thankful every day for Molly's beautiful understanding and forgiving heart. Looking up to the heavens giving thanks to Elizabeth and her never ceasing belief in these two lovers. 

She waited impatiently at the living room window. For the past hour she had her hopes raised at the passing of each car. Eventually though she saw Edward's car round the corner and pull onto their drive way. She still wasn't able to drive because of her ankle, and with it being cold and icy outside Charles and Edward had conspired it was better for her to stay at home.

So Edward picked Charles up from camp and was now dropping him off before he tactfully returned back to Bath, leaving them alone. 

She saw Charles step out of the car and stretch. As she had seen him do many times before when he'd returned home, he stopped looked around him and took it all in. It was something she used to love to watch, those first few moments of his return, as she could actually see the appreciation spread across his face as he measured all that he had.

This action, or lack of it, had however been another clue all those years ago that he no longer wanted what they had. When she had, on one return all those years ago, noticed he'd simply and unconsciously stopped doing this. Instead she'd had seen him still and then hesitate, a solid fix to his sad face, before he carried on as though he was forcing himself forwards. The day she first saw this, way before his indiscretion, she knew she had then no choice but to let him go. Put them out of the misery their marriage had obviously become to him. 

It was with delight though today his actions were still spontaneous, the exact opposite of what they had once become. The looks on his face, his movements, were so very different today. There was eagerness, an excitement to grab all the wonderfulness that lay in wait for him. There was no forcing forward from him. Just a true desire to move forwards to her. 

She couldn't wait a moment longer and hobbled towards the front door. Flinging it open just as he reached the front step. 

"Hello you." He beamed down at her dropping his kit bags where he stood. 

"Charles." She squealed as he stepped back slightly to appraise her. 

"I'm huge aren't I?" She giggled as she reached her arms up and pulled his head down to hers. 

"No. You're beautiful, that's what you are. The most beautiful I've ever seen you." And then his lips crashed into hers. Desperate, needing, both filled with desire. 

Remembering himself, remembering her delicate constitution he pulled reluctantly back. 

"Shit. Sorry Molly. You ok?" 

She didn't let go of his neck, still clinging on to him, still desperate to hold him. He edged them further into the hallway, and still she held him. She had missed him. 

"I am. I'm fine, especially now you're here." And she kissed him with zeal to show him how well she now was. 

He let out a small groan and she knew his frustration. From almost the very beginning her pregnancy had been a tough one for them on the intimate side of things. Initially the separation and then the almost constant morning sickness had meant the physically side of their relationship suffered, they hadn't been together intimate for many many months. She had tried, they had both tried, but almost anything that involve something outside of the realms of normal motions made her unwell. And so poor Charles suffered, in silence. His own personal torture the pregnancy was inflicting in him. 

However all that changed several weeks ago. He didn't know that, he was on exercise, but suddenly one day Molly just woke up…..horny. Very horny and it didn't stop. Now she was as frustrated as Charles and his home coming couldn't come soon enough. The smile she greeted him with was one of pure love and joy at seeing him, but also one of thanks that their dry spell, their frustration was soon to be over.

He held onto her as he helped her limp into the sitting room, helping her down onto the chair, again marvelling just how beautiful she looked carrying their child. Her skin glowed, her eyes sparkled, and she had something about her that he hadn't seen in a long time. She had her Molly spark back.

To him she looked delicious and inviting, but he knew he couldn't let these thoughts take over. He could only imagine that she, with her swollen ankle, and cumbersome bump would not appreciate his advances.

He stood up intending to make them a drink. She caught his arm, and the look she gave him made him melt. There was a fire in her eyes he had missed before now. It was a look that stirred his entire body.

"Molly?" He watched her as she licked her lips and grinned at him, ready to burst.

"Charles." She replied playfully and hoisted herself up to stand face to face to him. "I don't know how easy this is gonna be, me the size of a whale and that but I thought...?" She became bashful and failed to finish.

"What exactly was it that you thought Mrs James?" He replied equally as playfully, trying to encourage her.

His heart fluttering in his chest, the hope and desires he had within him firing the blood through his brain.

But no words were necessary. He saw how her chest quivered and the way she leaned into him, thrilling at the little small touches he was placing on her face. He bravely lead his love up the stairs. Slowly, treasuring the moments, as he was still fearful that he may cause her to feel unwell.

They spent the remainder of the afternoon naked and in each other's arms. Molly especially grateful that Edward had discreetly left them alone.

Their love making was slow, unpractised, and delicate. Her changed body shape meant that they both had to explore new ways, new positions to pleasure each other. They took great care. Their union was considered and not as orthodox as their love making had been in the past, but it was just as satisfying and life confirming as all the other times they had made love. It was perfect.

"Welcome home Major James." She giggled into his ear as they lay lying next to each other, thoroughly spent.

Charles lay on his back while she rested her tummy on his, lying on her side. Marvelling that no matter how many support pillows she had used in his absence to get comfortable with, nothing felt as good as his body supporting hers as it did now.

She noticed he smiled at her remark, stroking patterns over her stretch marks, causing her skin to tingle. The sensation made her regret the last months, but now relishing that in a while, once they had their breaths back they could start on making up for lost time... again.

"Penny for them." She asked and he turned his head towards her.

"I was just thinking , realising really, that all the good times in my life have been when you've been in it. I went years without true happiness... until I met you. You were everything I wanted. Then I messed up and here I am 44 years old and I'm happy again... all because of you."

She kissed him so very deeply. As deep as his words had filled her heart.

"Ditto." Was her reply.

"You've no idea how panicked I was when I knew that Lane was out there with me." He looked at her directly as she pulled away from their kiss. "I was so scared."

"I wasn't." She admitted. "Shocked but not scared." She rested her head back down on his chest.

Unwilling to look him in the eyes.

"You did it once. You broke us, we were broken until we weren't, and now we're here. Something like that... what happened I know we won't let it happen again. We can't."

He kissed the top of her head.

"You really have that much belief in me Molly?"

"No."

She still refused to look at him. She felt scared confessing her feelings to him.

"No I have belief in us. I have to. It's all about trust. We know what it's like to lose each other."

"Thank you." Was his only reply. "Thank you."

They stayed in their bedroom for nearly the whole of the next two days. Making love, making memories, making up for lost time.

Eventually though they had to face reality. Charles had flat packed furniture to build, walls to paint and ante natal appointments to attend with Molly.

Their time together was happy.

Of course they bickered like all couples did. Over simple things, Charles buying the wrong type of washing tablets when he went shopping, Molly forgetting to order his coffee pods... trifling things that all couples argue about... but this time their little tiffs always ended in delightful make up sessions. So delightful that both of them secretly wondered if the other picked these little fights just so they could make up.

The weeks ticked by. Molly now officially on maternity leave and Charles very much back at work. Their lives together developed into a happy rhythm, that they knew would ultimately lead to the arrival of their Baby and then a new rhythm, more hectic beautiful rhythm, would interrupt their days.

"It's mental ain't it. To think this time next week we could be parents." Molly said one night as they lay cuddled up watching some American Super Hero thing on the TV. "Everything is gonna change."

"I can't wait." He heartily answered back, and held on to the two most precious things in the world to him.

The thread of destiny spun by the cruel mistresses of fate, however caused Molly's words to resonate in the coming months.

Everything was going to change in their lives.

Just not exactly in the happy expectant way they had anticipated.

Again their love would be tested


	14. Chapter 14

:

 **Carousel**

 **Chapter 14**

"You ok?" He asked. Holding the phone close to his ear as he hurried down the corridors. Expecting the news.

"No. I'm bleeding not." She angrily puffed back at him. "This is so unfair." 

"Molly." He laughed and regretted it. Now was not the time to make light of her feelings. 

"Don't you dare 'Molly' me. You've no idea what it's like here." She felt close to tears... again. "I'm sharing a bay with a nutter who does anything but look after her baby, and another nutter who won't leave hers alone. I'm going mad." 

It had been three days since their little girl had been born. Three days and due to the complications Molly had to stay in to ensure the caesarean wound was heeling. She wasn't expected to be in much longer, she'd be, they would be, mother and daughter, would be coming home soon.

Regarding her pregnancy everything had gone as planned, just not soon enough for Molly. Waiting out patiently was not something she was happy to do in this case. Molly however got slower as the days past her due date went by, desperate to give birth. She tried everything she could think of to bring baby on. Both were frustrated. She had taken to calling him six, seven times a day at work to complain about how unfair it all was. How she was fat, tired, sore, fed up, uncomfortable... she was everything but the one thing she wanted to be... a mother. 

Then the day finally came. 

Charles had gone to work with assurances from her, as he had done for the past ten days that if anything was to happen she'd call him. And she did. Initially her calls to him were just the routine moaning calls, but later on in the afternoon she called to merely ask him how he was. 

He found it odd, she'd always been caring but for the past weeks all Molly had done was complain about herself. Others and their feelings, for once, hadn't got a look in. This caused him to stop, to consider. Puzzled by her change he slipped away from work early. 

On arriving he found her on all fours in the downstairs toilet... cleaning it. Finding her loudly complaining that the floor was a disgrace and they needed to redecorate it too. Maybe even today. He looked at her horrified, as she bustled about with energy he hadn't seen for a long time from her. 

It was only when she stood up in front of him, when he noticed her wince that he wondered. 

She looked different. Not the angry pissed off with waiting Molly he'd grown used to over the past couple of days, but an almost calm Molly was now standing in front of him. That was until the first contraction hit her, and then she changed again. 

Her labour moved at a fast pace. Contractions initially coming quickly and Molly announcing each and every arrival loudly. When they arrive at the hospital, both terrified, both excited they had expected things to progress quickly. That's what Molly had wanted. It's what she thought she deserved. 

Yet it wasn't to be. Baby James had, it would appear, to have already inherited a bit of her mother's streak of stubbornness, and she wasn't for doing things any way but hers. 

As the late afternoon wore on to the evening and then eventually the early morning, Mother Nature, it was decided, needed a hand. 

Molly was exhausted. Charles was lost. He'd never been in this position before and was terrified. He was so used to being in control that he found it hard to simply watch. They were told that Baby James was big, Molly was tiny. So a caesarean was performed. 

At last their beautiful baby girl came screaming into the world. Perfect, just like Charles always knew anything that came from Molly would be, just like Molly herself. Watching what Molly had gone through, watching for the first time one of his children being born, only made him love them both more. 

The choice of name for their new, sweet, beautiful girl was never in doubt. Something they hadn't talked too much about before her arrival, but as soon as she came they knew it was meant to be. 

And so with a happy heart as he left his new born daughter and exhausted wife napping Charles called their friends and his family to announce the arrival of Elizabeth Margaret James. 

All was well. Molly had to heal and would be due home soon, but it wasn't soon enough for her. Hence the telephone call to Charles. 

"Molly you've only been in there three days. You'll be home tomorrow." He closed the office door behind him. Lance Corporal Green still keen to pick up on any gossip she could about her favourite couple. 

"Shitting hell Charles have you ever been in hospital before?" A brief silence loomed between them on the phone. She regretted instantly what she had said. 

"Yes. I have." He calmly answered back. They were the times of his life he never wanted to remember. He rubbed his leg subconsciously. 

She needed to move it on. She had crossed a line, a line of memories that caused pain. 

"So you coming to see us today or what?" She lightly asked. 

It was a stupid question. He was smitten with his two girls. Every day he was the first one through the doors and the last one to leave. He was desperate to get them home. 

"I might do." He teased. Then hearing her chuckle, happy they were back into the good side of things, he continued. 

"Bringing Dad in too. Sam will see us at home tomorrow when he's back from exercises." 

"Good. Charles hurry up though. We hate it in here. Just this morning Lizzy was saying how she wanted to get home to be with her Daddy." 

"Lizzy?" He raised his eyebrows at his new daughter's shortened name, as he paced around his office. "That's what we're calling her?" He liked it. 

"It's cute." Molly answered. "Suits her, and she told me she likes it. You don't mind do you?" 

"God no Molly, but I am a bit surprised she's talking already." He laughed. 

"Takes after me, don't she." 

"Oh shitting hell then Molly, to coin your phrase, what type of life will I have? Two James women to talk constantly at me." 

The laughter of them both down the line was good for them. Separation was hard, they felt the loss of the closeness of each other. Tomorrow and their discharge home couldn't come soon enough. 

Molly and Lizzy's arrival home the next day allowed them to be together. Allowed Lizzy to meet her new step brother, and to settle in to her new home. Parenthood came easy to the pair. Something which surprised Charles, as the first time, something he constantly apologised for, he was hopeless. Molly took to everything easy and with the determined nature she applied everything to. Of course they lost sleep, were constantly tired in those first weeks. Lived like zombies, and talked about nothing but their daughter and her needs, but neither would have had it any other way. This new James family were blissfully happy with their lot.

"You really don't have to come you know." He said as he was slipping on his coat, and reaching down to pick up the beautiful bundle from the pram. 

"I know. But I want to". She replied, her head stuck inside Lizzy's changing bag. 

"Georgie be will definitely be there. You do know that don't you." He checked when he had her full attention. 

She pulled her head out of the bag and answered him with raised eyebrows.

"Course I bloody do. You've told me enough. What's the matter? Don't you trust me to behave?"

He laughed at her question. 

"It's not you who I don't trust… but Georgie. She's not exactly known for leaving things alone now is she?"

"Don't worry. It will be fine. This do is important to you so it's important to me." 

She turned to run upstairs, to get some last minute things, as she left him all he could do was marvel at his beautiful wife. It was four months since Lizzy had been born, and this was one of their first grown up outings with her.

Elvis' Dad was 80. He was having a big party in a fancy hotel somewhere in London and the three of them were invited. Of course Charles wanted to go. Elvis' family had been like his second family over the years, but it did mean sharing space and time with Georgie. He could just about handle it, but he had his doubts about Molly and her fiery temper. 

Lost in thought his attention was caught as she walked down the stairs toward him. 

"Doesn't Mummy look beautiful." He cooed into Lizzy's ear, even though his daughter was half asleep.

He was as always so proud of her, but tonight more so. Her figure was slowly coming back, not that it mattered to him, and perfectly fitted into a black hugging dress. High heels helping her carry off the outfit perfectly. He noticed she was startling to glow again, the drawn tired look of new mothers disappearing, being replace by the confident Molly he'd always known. 

"You don't look to shabby yourself." She replied and their eyes locked, memories of another time filling their heads 

He bent down to lovingly kiss her. 

"I love you Mrs James." He sighed onto her lips. 

"I love you to Mr James. Now stop stalling and let's get to the party before madam needs feeding or changing again." 

The party was in full swing as they arrived. Loud noises, lots of people, bright lights, all welcoming, but causing Lizzy to wake up as soon as they arrived. The drive to the hotel had been awful and they were both regretting declining Elvis' parents offer to accommodate them at the hotel for the night. As Molly wasn't drinking due to breast feeding they thought it was a waste and intended to drive back home. However the weather outside was horrid and they both felt a degree of concern, promising themselves they wouldn't stay too long. The snow was still falling hard and the wind was increasing. Most of the roads in the area were still open but only just, driving was treacherous, slow and would need lots of concentration. Charles knew he'd stay sober too. 

They stayed as long as they could, unable to ignore the weather that made its presence known on the hotel windows. They chatted to those they needed to, offered their birthday congratulations, and avoided being anywhere near Georgie for the next two hours. However eventually they politely made their excuses, and their escape. Charles and Molly both noticed that they weren't the only ones leaving early. 

Charles drove slowly and sensible, all too aware of his precious cargo. The weather making visibility increasingly difficult. However as soon as they rounded the corner they saw the crash. 

"Shit." Charles shouted as he tried to bring the car to a safe stop. He failed and the car went crashing off the road into the ditch. 

They were dazed, but thankfully unhurt.

"Stay in the car. I'll go look." He said pointing with his head to the over turned car in the fields ahead of them. 

Molly began to protest but knew someone had to stay with Lizzy. The car engine had stalled and the car's temperature was starting to drop. She cover her sleeping little girl over in more blankets. 

What seemed like a life time Charles came back.

"I've called for help. They are still on the line…. there will be a delay because of the snow." In the dark light Molly could see he looked shaken, she heard it in his voice too. 

"Is anyone hurt? How bad is it?" She asked, and started to unbuckle herself. 

He walked over to her side of the car, surprising her when he opened it.

"It's Georgie. She's in a bad way. Think you need to help her." He said. 

Within seconds Molly was out of the car and running down the long bank to where the crashed car was. She could see straight away that Georgie was hurt. The car had crashed off the road and rolled, hitting a tree on the way. Georgie was lying in an unnatural angle having been pitched from the car somehow. 

Molly screamed to Charles, hoping he could hear her, the wind was whipping up around her, blowing debris from the road and snow across her path. She could hardly hear her own voice, only hoping it carried to him. 

"Charles. I'll stay with her." She shouted at the top of her lungs. "Get Lizzy and take her up on the hill. It's too dangerous in the car." All the time she was commanding Charles she kept moving in the deep snow towards Georgie. 

"I'm coming Georgie. Can you hear me? I'm coming to help."

She eventually, after falling several times in the deep snow, inappropriately dressed for the weather and trekking across snow deep fields, reached her. 

Her legs were broken, and she had deep cuts to arms and legs. All of these Molly saw were pumping out blood. Molly took off her scarf and tried to stem the major of the bleeds, but it was the lack of response from Georgie and her odd angle of lying that concerned her most. She knew a noisy soldier was always less frightening that a silent one. Silence meant big trouble in her experience. 

"Can you hear me Georgie? It's Molly. I've come to help." There was no reply, not even moans. 

Molly could see she was breathing, and assessing her more found another break to her forearm, and a huge bump to her forehead. Molly knew all these were serious, now some of the bleeding had been stopped, but it was Georgie's neck she was now more concerned about. She was certain it was broken, but if not she was in a dangerous position for it to break, so she couldn't be moved until help arrived. Molly had to stay with her, immobilise it and if Georgie did wake up stop her from moving. 

She heard Charles, he'd reached the top of the bank. Clutching a screaming Lizzy in his arms.

"What can I do? I can't get the car out. Ambulance will be here in twenty minutes or so." He screamed above the howling wind. Pulling Lizzy into him as twigs and snow flew around him 

"She can't be moved. I have to keep her neck still. Think it's broken. Get to top of hill. Look out for ambulance. Point them to us. Look after my baby." She barked the words out to him, she was very much in control and Charles knew it. 

It was pointless him becoming all chauvinistic and trying to take charge, he knew this was Molly's area of expertise, the CMT training in her coming into its own. It was drilled into her never forgotten, and so he accepted his role in this dreadful scene. His job was to look after their child and point the emergency services to his brave wife's aid.

The lights of the upside down car's headlight were all Molly had to go by, in the distance she could see Charles clinging on to Lizzy, trying to calm her. Over the wind she could just make out her cries and her breasts responded painfully. 

Molly squatted in the snow, freezing but hardly noticing. Her knees either side of Georgie's, immobilising it. While pressing down hard on the most severe leg wound to slow the bleeding down. It looked as though she was in a macabre game of Twister, the angles she had her body at in an attempt to help her former friend. 

The minutes past. Still she had sight of Charles and her daughter, suffering in the elements just as much as she was. Her frozen toes hurt in the fashionable heels she wore, her hair soaked and blowing around ruining her vision of Georgie. In the poor lighting she could see Georgie looked grey and clammy, her abdomen swollen, her pulse was weak and rapid. Molly prayed the emergency services would arrive soon 

After what seemed a life time Molly heard Georgie groan and her eyes fluttered open and closed . 

"Georgie. It's me Molly. You've been in an accident. You're hurt you need to stay still. You got that? Stay still."

Georgie only groaned and tried to move then stopped as the pain hit her. 

"Stay still mate. I've gotcha. We were gonna get you out of here. Just stay with me." Molly reassured. 

This time Georgie opened her eyes and stayed still. 

"Molly? Molly? What happened? Forgot the cake. A fox... swerved... that's all I know." 

"Don't worry mate. You'll be fine. Ambulance will be here soon. I'm here I won't let you go." She quietly reassured her friend. 

Molly gently stroked Georgie's cheek as she smiled at her. Georgie smile back, trying so hard to be brave. 

"I'm sorry Molly. For everything. Me and Charlie... it was wrong. It wasn't him. It was me. I'm sorry." A single tear trickled down her face. 

Molly brushed it away. Not sure if she herself was crying, but the snow and ice that was hitting her face made it hard to tell. 

"Shhhh. It's ok Georgie…. we'll talk when we're safer. Don't worry." Then seeing her friend close her eyes she shouted. "Stay with me Georgie. Stay with me."

Georgie never woke again for Molly, however within five minute Molly heard the sound of the Ambulance arriving. It's blue lights and sirens lighting up the winter night. 

Charles watched in relief as he saw the crews struggle to reach Moly and finally take over. He waved at her as he started to be led way by the Fire brigade, offering him and Lizzy a warmer place of safety in their cab. 

Molly was moved away from Georgie, the crew worried about her exposure and wrapped her up in a foil blanket and walked her towards one of the Paramedic vehicles, and that was when it happened. 

That was when, on that snowy windy, God forsaken night that everything changed.

Charles' instincts in a dangerous situation caused him involuntarily to turn, momentarily he was relieved, saw Molly standing there safe, and then he heard the crack. She fell in front of the Paramedic who instantly responded and screamed for help. No one had seen it coming, it was a hundred to one freak accident, but still it had happened, and it happened to his Molly. 

A large branch from a nearby tree had broken off in the strong winds and had hit Molly completely on the back of her head. The full force of it cracking her skull. Stopping her world. Instantly she dropped and was knocked consciousness. 

Charles was beside himself. It had been hours now and still there was no news. Sam and Edward had joined him at the hospital. As had Marco, and his parents. All waited. Waited for news of their girls. 

As soon as Charles saw Molly fall and not get up again he knew. Activity rushed around her stilled body as much as it was rushing around Georgie's. He was unable to reach either of them, and could only watch with his screaming daughter in his arms. Her cries piercing the night just like he wished his could. 

They were all taken by blue light ambulance to the hospital. Both him and Lizzy given a clean bill of health, now all waiting on news about Molly and Georgie. 

Eventually it did.

Georgie was awake, badly broken legs and an arm. Multiple bruises and a slight concussion. Her neck injury was still in its early stages, but thanks to Molly's first aid the outcome was hopeful. 

Then came his turn to hear about Molly. She was still unconscious. Her skull fractured, a trauma had been noted. They had placed her in a medical coma, and she was gravely ill. The next forty eight hours were crucial. 

In less than a day Charles' world has been turned on his head. He was allowed to see her, Lizzy and his Dad stayed outside. Sam supported his broken father in the critical care unit. 

Molly was as though she was sleeping. The only sign of an injury was the blood that had dried into her long hair. There were no marks to her face, she looked peaceful. No signs of pain. 

The machines helped her breath and made a comforting noise, but still Charles broke down. Sam cried too as they both held on to either of Molly's hands telling her how much they loved her, and need her to come back to them. 

Over the next couple of days Charles rarely left her side. Edward and Sam helped take care of Lizzy and brought her in everyday to see Molly and Charles. 

Molly still hadn't woken up. The medical induced coma was reversed in the hope that she would wake up naturally, but she didn't. She remained in a coma, and responded to nothing. After nearly a week the medics stared to talk to Charles in hushed voices about complications and high risks of clots. The prognosis was poor.

It all went over Charles' head. All he knew was that Molly hadn't woken up. That dreadful night has destroyed his and Molly's life, but he believed that was only for now. He kept believing she'd wake up. She get better. She had to. 

He took little other news in, heard snippets about Georgie and her repeated operations but paid no attention. All his energy was focused on Molly. He washed her hands and face every day, talked to her, helped the nurses in changing her and her sheets, but still she slept. 

He lived the next weeks in a trance. Little got through to him.

The day they told him she had died, the words meant little to him. He was beyond feeling anything. Others around him supported him, cared for him. But despite their kindness it wasn't enough. All he wanted was his Molly back, and she wasn't here. 

The day of the funeral came. Rebecca had agreed to look after Lizzy. Charles did not want her to be there. Sam and Edward supported him. He was lost, in a world without Molly. Living each day by day, hoping that it was all a dream and everything would be as it was. 

The funeral service was long and complicated. He laughed to himself knowing Molly would have hated that. It had all been arranged by others, of course he'd had no input.

They talked about her bravery and role as an Army Medic. Something she would of loved to hear, that and how well others thought of her, Charles knew that. Everyone there mourned at the loss of such a young beautiful life. Told stores about her and remembered her. It was a good funeral. 

It meant nothing to Charles though. It was a rite he had to go through. A temporary event in his life that marked only her passing. He wasn't strong. He wasn't brave. He was nothing, he was just lost without Molly by his side. His Molly who had always been there to support him, to love him, and now because of the sudden cruel fatal events of one night she wasn't. 

As he left the church he didn't hear the condolences. He needed to leave. Break away. He had to go. He needed to see his daughter, his love, his life. 

As he pulled up in front of the hospital he realised he'd done the entire journey on auto pilot. He had no recollection of driving there. He hadn't actually meant to come, but pleased that he had. He had gifts to give the staff, thanking them for the care of Molly.

He walked quickly to the unit. He knew the way. Too long too many days he'd spent here, and he was instantly recognised by the staff on the unit. They knew of his loss. 

They approached him, offered him their sympathies and some of the older ones even gave him hugs. He felt content in their company. Maybe because they could help him make sense of it all.

They offered him a coffee, took him into their staff room, and left him to his thoughts.

He pulled his heavy black wool coat off and threw it down in grief and disgust. Today was a bad day, one of the many he had had in his life but today he yet again had to say good bye. Goodbye to a young life taken too soon.

Today he had attended her funeral. Had watched her family and friends cry over her passing, he however could shed no tears. He had none left to shed.

Today he had stood in the church and said goodbye.

Today they had buried Georgie Harte. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Carousel**

 **Chapter 15**

He walked down the corridor with a lighter step these days. His world was starting to follow a pattern , a routine. One he, Lizzy and everyone else was becoming used to. It was starting to work for them. 

He carried his five months daughter in her car seat along to the unit. For now she was asleep but he knew she'd soon wake. For weeks he'd done this trip to see Molly, to bring their daughter to see her Mum. For weeks though Molly didn't wake up, maybe didn't even know they were there, but still he came. 

He greeted staff as he passed by. They knew better than to stop him as he made his way over to her room. He was on a mission and until he saw Molly, checked how she was progressing he wanted no delays. 

It had been two days after Georgie's funeral that he received the call. In the dead of night, the news could only mean there had been a change to her. He took the call steeling himself for the news, not believing for one moment that the news could be bad. 

The machines that had helped her breathe, long gone leaving just Molly sleeping, waiting for her to wake up. And then suddenly in the middle of the night she did. 

It wasn't dramatic. He wasn't there. She didn't open her eyes and he was the first thing she saw. His name wasn't the first words from her too long silent lips. Instead she just woke up, coughed and called out weakly for help. 

Tests were done. Her observations checked. She had woken up. Had a continuous cracking headache, was weakened by her weeks of immobility, but was otherwise at this moment in time was just his Molly. 

The staff by the time they had completed their procedures, by the time they called him, by the time he had arrived , she had been awake for hours and was ready to sleep again. Despite sleeping for the past three weeks she still was so tired. She tried hard to keep her eyes open to see him, but couldn't. So when he arrived early that spring morning he rushed to her side with weeks of love to express to her, and all he found was her sleeping again. 

He was crushed, fearing the worse and it took multiple staff to reassure him that this time she was just sleeping. As if she heard his worry, anxiety, through the wall, Molly woke up and called to him. 

He rushed to her side. Eyes full and heart even fuller. Yet he felt strangely shy around her. She looked even more delicate, the weeks had taken the toll on her tiny body. The hard to shift post baby weight now gone. The tube to her stomach still a reminder of her long unresponsive sleep. 

She merely stretched out her hand to him and lazily smiled. He took it. The first act of her reaching out to him for weeks. Her hand warm and softer than he had ever known them. She rolled her head onto its side, staring at him directly, with wonder as though she was seeing him for the first time. 

"Hey you." She sobbed out. The emotion of the feel of his hand in hers, the look of love shining in his eyes, all catching up with her sleep laden senses. 

"Hey you." He replied, equally as choked as her. He knelt down by her bedside, pressed her hand to his cheek and buried his face into hollow between her arm and body. Noticing the sound of her heart as he pressed against it. "Thank you." 

She pulled her hand away and moved his head so she could look at him. He shifted position and sat on her bedside. 

"You came back." He answered in reply to her silent question. 

"I said I would, didn't I. Don't worry. I always will." She replied and with that she broke down into uncontrollable sobs. 

He held her while she cried for what seemed like a life time. No words were said, only looks of love exchanged. He could only imagine how lost, frightened she must feel, and he so desperately needed to make her feel safe. 

Eventually he watched her as she drifted off asleep again. Promising her that he'd return in a couple of hours to see her. He was unsure if she had heard, but it meant the world to him that he could say those words to her and there was a chance when she did wake up she might have. 

And so his days continued. For the past week there had been the same pattern to it. Everyday he'd come for afternoon visiting bringing Lizzy with him, and staying as a family for a couple of hours. But even that in the first few days seemed too much for Molly, finding herself frequently falling asleep. 

Missing precious time with them both, she loved seeing Lizzy but was frustrated. She hungrily took her off Charles every time he came through the doors of her room. Played with her, fussed over her, but soon found she tired too quickly in those first days, and all too soon had to hand her back. 

It soon became obviously though very quickly in those first days that Molly though was not as she had been. As she stared to interact, as she stared to communicate the difference to her became startling. 

It began on the first afternoon as she asked about Georgie. She remembered the crash and her helping, that they had been rescued. 

"How's she doing then?" She asked almost happily. Concentrating on blowing raspberries on Lizzy's tummy. It was obvious that she wasn't expecting anything but happy news. 

Charles shifted himself to the side of her bed and sat, helping her to support their daughter who wriggled like a little fat grub on the bed. 

"Molly." He said quietly. 

Her eyes met his instantly.

Knowing the tone, she'd used it herself many times before. 

"Georgie died. Her injuries and the exposure were just too much." He held her face while he uttered the words. 

He knew she cared, she always had, so he knew there would be tears. He knew no matter what had gone on between them over the years she still would never have wanted anything like this to have happened to Georgie. 

He was surprised though at just how upset she was. He thought it was a reaction to all that had happened, perhaps even to the guilt she inevitable carried around with her. 

He picked up their dozing daughter and placed her back in the car seat. Making him free to move to take Molly wholly in his arms. 

She broke her heart, while he tried to utter words of comfort. Rocking her small even frailer body backwards and forwards. Thinking how unfair this whole thing was and Molly seemed to be the one who was suffering the most. 

He held her until she was almost asleep. He watched her snuggle down under the sheets. Her days were constantly interrupted with the need for numerous lengthy naps. He smiled at her child like pose in bed and he gave thanks that he still had her in his life.

The next words form her mouth, just as she closed her eyes and drifted off, poured cold water onto his heart though. 

"Oh God. Poor Elvis he'll miss her so much." She blinked open her eyes and stared at him. "We'll have to look after him. He's our best mate after all. He'll need us." 

And then she slept. 

Charles' mind was moving in different directions. Still the father of Lizzy who needed to be taken home, and put to bed, still the husband of Molly, his wife who he revisit in the evening. But he was also the man who was utterly confused by her last words. Were they intended to hurt him, were they something subconsciously said. He had no way of knowing until she woke again, and even then he'd have to tread with caution. 

As he entered his home he saw Belinda and Dave drinking tea with his father. He politely acknowledge them as the grandparents gingerly took Lizzy off him. It was by now a regular scene. As soon as they appreciated how critical Molly was Charles called her parents. All threats, all arguments were forgotten and they rushed to her side. There even had been a degree of peace between them and Charles. Now was not the right time to argue. He had even, under his father's tutorage offered to put them up in his home while they visited, and they accepted. They had stayed with him almost constantly for weeks now.

Charles was initially loathed to be the one to offer the olive branch, but was the better man and did so, for Molly's sake. That, also, as his father reminded him, everyone makes mistakes, Charles was given a second chance, then so should they. So now their relationship with their daughter who had come back to the despite all odds was set to be back on track, their relationship with Charles still remained strained, but all were trying. 

They all asked him questions at once, as soon as he'd walked through the door. They had given Charles and Molly a chance to spend time with Lizzy alone that afternoon. Respectful to their needs to be a family, but only just. Tonight along with Charles, Dave and Belinda would visit too. 

He tried to explain that Molly seemed well, though still tired. He needed them to know his concerns, but didn't know how to start. He had doubts about how much Molly remembered, and foolishly he kept quiet. 

Charles knew that Molly would be emotional to see her parents, in therefore dropped them off to allow them time together. He used his free time to talk to the medics about Molly. He raised his concerns that Molly may have gaps in her memory, but was reassured that this was perfectly normal and very much to be expected. They also felt it was likely to be temporary. 

Reassured he offered his thanks and set off to see Molly. As she entered he saw her parents either side of her, holding her hands, all talking softly. He walked over to her bedside into her out stretched arms she'd instantly freed on seeing him. A huge smile spread across her face as he entered her room. 

"Hello you." He kissed her dry cracked lips. Almost pushing past Dave to reach her. Belinda tutted loudly. 

Molly pulled away and looked at them both. 

"What's the matter Mum. Ain't I allowed to kiss my husband?" And she giggled. 

The atmosphere was uncomfortable. Up until now they had been united in being there for Molly no matter what the cost to their pride and prejudice. However things had changed and Belinda found that some of the anger she had had with Charles still remained. She would never admit it but she too felt betrayed by him when he was unfaithful. She had always held him up as the perfect fella, one who adored her Molly in a way Belinda was never adored. So when he shattered that image she found it hard to forgive, and seeing him these past weeks and his love for Molly, it made her even more upset with him that he ever tested her that way. 

"Course you can love." Said Dave giving Belinda the evils, and skilfully moved the conversation on. 

For a while Charles who just ached to be alone with her resented their presence, but soon saw the joy their visits gave her. Molly and her Mum constantly chatting about Lizzy and the family, and Charles who looked on saw no signs of Molly's missing memory. She even allude to her and her parents falling out, though did briefly wonder as to what it was about. 

"So we was thinking about heading off tomorrow Mols. Your Mum and me. Need to be getting back and that." Dave piped up, bored if truth be told away from his mates and the drink. Happy to leave now Molly was well. 

Charles' head turned to him. It was news to him, their departure never once mentioned to him before now. However he knew them leaving could only be a positive thing as it would be one more stop to getting his and Molly's normal life back. 

Molly was as expected saddened at this news, but she too wanted family time with her little family, and just like Charles she saw the positive in them leaving. Knowing now she's have to devote more time on her recovery, and her physio to get home again and be with Charles and Lizzy. 

Later during the visit, asking Charles to help her up to the toilet she joked at how unfit she was. They all laughed at this and teased her gently about her weakness. The happy banter between the four of them stopped suddenly with Molly's next words. 

"I'll need to get fit to get back to work." She said as she mournfully looked at her thin wasted legs. 

"It alright love." Said Belinda. "You're on maternity leave. You don't need to worry." 

"Yeah, but I'll be going back soon." And she turned to Charles. "I guess my leaves about up. The Army don't give that much do they?" 

All looked at her stunned. 

"Molly." Charles said slowly approaching a dangerous subject. "You know you're not in the Army still, right?" 

She shot back a look at him, alarmed. "What's going on? What do you mean I'm not in the Army?" She turned looking at them all. 

"Ah bleeding hell. Her brains fried." Muttered Dave, and everyone turned to him in disgust. 

Charles rushed to Molly's side, he had to hold her, to bring her back to reality. 

"Molly you left. Years ago. You're no longer a medic. Remember?" 

She looked at his terrified face, tears filled her eyes. "No I don't. What did I go and do that for? I bleeding loved me job." 

His heart broke, she was so confused, and he knew now there were dangerous large gaps to her memory. Just exactly what they truly were though needed to be discovered, but he feared as to what exactly they were. 

"Well." Charles scanned her parent's faces for help, they failed to meet his eye. "You left ten years ago. Retrained to be a nurse." He stroked her face, trying to give her a happy smile. 

He was amazed though when she pulled away from him. She was too confused to be caught up in sincerity. 

"I did? But why did I leave? What made me? How long?" 

He drew in a huge breath hurting his lungs, realising then at that dreadful moment she had no recollection of the heart-breaking events that lead to her leaving. Leaving it all behind. 

"Over ten years ago. You qualified as a nurse since then. You're brilliant at that now." 

"Yes? But why Charles? Why did I leave?" 

He voice had risen in panic as it dawned on them all she did not remember, but seeing her face he could see she feared the reason was not a good one. She scanned the room for answers. 

Charles was frozen, unsure what to confess and what to hold back. 

"Charles?" She angrily shouted. 

"Oh bloody hell. If you won't tell her then I will." Shouted Belinda. "Mols you left cause of 'im. Cause of Charles." 

Molly whipped her head to where Charles stood. He was no longer by her but at the foot of her bed, head hung low, unable to look at her in the face. 

"Please Charles? Did you make me leave? Why? What did I do?" 

Then he heard her sob and he looked up at her. Tears rolling down her face, his silence was punishing her. 

"You did nothing. We broke up. I was a mess. You told me to go." 

"Shit." She cried out and leaned forward to grab hold of him. "How? Why? God I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?" 

Belinda couldn't contain herself any longer. 

"Him? Don't bloody ask for forgiveness from him. He's the reason why you divorced, him and Georgie unable to keep their hands off each other." 

She said nothing. To Charles that was worse. He was confronted by his actions all over again. He rushed to her side as Dave stood up and pulled Belinda towards the door. 

"What you bleeding gone and done that for now woman." He hissed at her as he walked her through the room door to give Charles and Molly privacy. 

Within seconds Charles had sat on the bed next to her and held her hands. He was relieved she allowed him to. She looked up in to his eyes, pleading, questioning, and hurting. 

"Please tell me it's not true." She said. "She was our mate. Elvis' girl." 

Tears now rushed down his face. 

"I'm sorry Molly. So sorry." Was all he could answer back. His sobs not drowning out her 'whys'. 

He jumped when he felt her hand on his face. 

"Charles. We still married right?" She looked at the rings on both their hands. 

"Yes we are. We got re married ten or so months ago." He smiled at her as he remembered that day. 

His smile faded fast when he heard her say. 

"I don't remember." Then she looked at his. "Why? Why did we do it? Why did we remarry?" 

"Because we love each other. Always have. Always will. Can't live without each other, and now we have Lizzy." He answered, hopeful his reasons were enough. That the mention of his daughter would stir something in her. 

Her mind was reeling and she was unsure if she was strong enough, but she needed to hear. 

"Tell me." Was her simple request. 

Molly sat and listened to him for the next hour or so. A lot she heard, a lot she didn't. Her newly woken up emotions finding it hard to keep a pace with his disclosures. She watched him break down in front of her, turn into a shadow of the man she had expected to know, or thought she'd known as her husband. Unsure how to comfort him. Unsure if she really wanted to. She was hurt.

Yet she knew that they were tied. Tied because of their history, tied because of their child and because of the fantastic story Charles was telling her, a story that she found unbelievable and totally incomprehensible.

Before all this, before she knew the truth, she had looked at Charles, at their life and had felt settled. Sure of the Army Major who stood in front of her. Sure of his values, his faultless principles, and his utter devotion to her. He had been her happy ever after, now it seemed he wasn't that any more. Now he was the cause of all her nightmares. He had betrayed her, betrayed everything she had known about him, about them. He had forced her, through circumstances to take a different path. A path away from a life she had enjoyed, been content with, had loved. He had changed everything she had believed about her past and now her future.

She found it hard to look him in the eyes. She refused all his attempts to comfort her. He felt almost like a stranger to her now, uncomfortable in his presence. Uncomfortable around his grief and its display. Unable to be sympathetic to his words.

She had lost everything, and it would appear that she lost it not once, but now due to her memory, twice. There was only so much that her heart could take. Only so much forgiveness in her. She was mourning for the loss of everything all over again, friend, a marriage, a husband, and this time she did not feel strong enough to come out of the other side.

She eyed him hesitantly. They had a child together, in all this mess, and she was Molly's only concern. She was tied to Charles because of her and would have to reluctantly accept his input in her life because of Lizzy. She wanted no dramas, no hate, she wanted her little girl to be loved and feel loved. She knew she had to accept him, but as she looked into his eyes she could she he hoped for everything, and she felt she was unable to give that.

Not now, not right at this moment.

First there had to come acceptance, and maybe, somewhere along the line forgiveness. Maybe. And so as she looked at him she gave him a weak smile, but knew in her heart all she could give him here, now was just her friendship.

Charles saw it all and realised how precarious his life had once again become. He needed to give her time and space. They separated that night with promises of returning tomorrow. The thought of seeing Lizzy again causing Molly to smile for the first time in hours.

Charles knew it was pointless shouting or arguing with Belinda. The damage was done, and by the time he had returned home they had packed their bags and left. Only Edward remained with Lizzy, he was all too aware of what distress his son had just been through. Though they were hopeful, tomorrow was a fresh day, and Molly they knew had a very forgiving heart. They both went to bed that night saying all the right positive things to each other, but both knew, both wondered whether this time Molly may be as forgiving.

The days fell into a routine, not a happy, celebrating Molly's return type of routine, but a routine none the less.

Every afternoon he would visit with Lizzy, a buffer between them in the relationship that was becoming strained. Each day Molly would delight in her daughter and getting stronger in herself. Her shoulders often dropped when she caught sight of Charles. There were large gaps in her memory. The medics explained it was possible due to the fact her mind had selected not to remember a previous mental trauma, and therefore had just shut it out. She remembered nothing from him leaving on his last tour in Nepal. The last time they were happy. She remembered them being happy, and it did feel good to know, but that was in the past. She told him that she remembered at that time they were both fed up with being apart, but still happy they had each other to come back to at the end of each long tour. Elvis' death, Charles' PTSD, his injury, sleeping with Georgie she had no recollection of. As though everything Charles had told her was a made up horror story.

The ten years of life she had developed for herself, leaving the Army, training to be a nurse, her degree, Tom, Bristol... all alien to her. The heart-breaking part of it all was that she also had no recollection of still loving Charles, of her forgiving him, of them trying again, because it was the right thing to do. All she had were gaps and the hurt feelings, the pain that he had committed adultery again fresh in her heart.

The afternoons he visited with Lizzy they did little talking about themselves. The odd question now and then. Mindful of how easy it could be to upset Lizzy, and Molly's time with her was too precious. Instead they talked about her recovery, her progress and distracted themselves with long pauses, avoiding each other gaze, touch. Focusing solely on Lizzy. They were now uncomfortable with each other, unsure how to act. Molly didn't know what Charles was to her anymore. He wanted to hold her, for her to let him in, to be there for her. Molly's main need however was the opposite, it was one of wanting more space than she could have from him. Beginning to feel crowded by him and his company.

The evenings were the hardest visits if truth be told. Initially they started off just them. The silence between them only broken by his apologies or her asking more questions beginning with 'why'. He tried to explain his PTSD, his mental illness, but no matter how much he explain she still failed, this time, to understand. She was unsure if she ever could, amazed that Molly, the feisty girl from the west end could have allow anyone to treat her so badly. Especially Charles.

Eventually though friends and family started to visit on evenings once they knew she was strong enough. Both Charles and Molly welcomed other visitors. It brightened Molly's otherwise dull day, and it meant their uncomfortableness around each other was diluted in company. Her parents, his father, Sam, even Tom visited her, and much to his surprise Molly although forgetting the connections she had with Tom was able to pick up her friendship easily and with no hesitation. She laughed at his jokes, tales of the adventures that they had been on in their student days. She realised she had been happy after Charles, knowing that she probably would be again.

Most evening now Charles spent on his own in the canteen, leaving Molly to her guests. Excusing himself saying that Molly was probably fed up with his face by the time evening visiting came. Molly and all her guests smiled weakly at this half veiled joke, but all could see our couple were slowly coming undone.

The day she was discharged was supposed to be a happy one. Both had wanted it to happen for so long, but when it did they were both fearful. Now there would be no escaping from the reality of their life.

As she entered their home, one she had no memory of, he was surprised at how little interest she paid it. She moved in it as though a stranger. Instead she focused on Lizzy, her room and her needs. They danced around each other that first day. Charles having to point out where somethings were, instinctively others she knew where to find others. They worked as a slightly dysfunctional team caring for their daughter, and although it was a false atmosphere, both found a small place in their hearts to rejoice that Molly was at least home with Lizzy, while poor Georgie had not been so lucky.

Bed time came. Lizzy already asleep in her own room, both headed up the stairs after an evening meal eaten almost in silence. He saw how hesitant she was getting in to the bed next to him, unusually fully clad in skin covering pyjamas and socks. Only her face poked out of the duvet once she was settled, lying on her side her back to him. They politely wished each other good night and attempted to sleep. It seemed impossible to them both, but it must have come as Charles woke in the middle of the night to find her side of the bed empty and cold.

His first thoughts had been she had gone to see Lizzy, but on checking her room his daughter was fast asleep and there was no sign of Molly. Sleep confused he stumbled through the rest of the house to find his troubled wife. He found her curled up on the sofa, a throw-over her only blanket. She was awake and sat up as soon as he entered. No longer wanting to pretend.

"Couldn't sleep." Was all she offered to his faint silhouette.

He tentatively sat down on the sofa. Head hung low, shoulders bent, arms resting on his knees. A pose Molly remembered from a long ago. He didn't say a word, he didn't look at her. He was silent a lot these days.

"I don't think I can Charles." She blurted out. She hadn't intended to say anything so soon. Had wanted to give them a chance, but lying there next to him in their bed, knowing what he had done was more than she felt she could take.

She needed space, she needed time. She needed to live the life she wanted to live, as she felt now, not the life she was expected to live because of some feelings she once had for him. She looked at him and couldn't admit that she didn't feel anything for him, but she couldn't feel love for him, she felt too betrayed, she couldn't feel loyalty to him, she was too confused. She was irritated at how he now seemed to be the opposite of the man she had fallen in love with all those years ago on tour.

Again he continued the silence. Letting out a huge sigh. He knew what was coming. He knew because he'd been there. When he suffered loss, when he was grieving, when he failed to process it all, he too had pushed away. Pushed Molly away, and that was exactly what Molly was about to do to him now. Exactly that, like him she was running, leaving, and there was little he could do. Once in that hole of darkness you needed to want to come out of it before all the offers in the world could help you achieve it.

He saw it all slipping away, knowing that this is what she must have felt like when he did it to her. Helpless to stop it.

"I just want some time. Me and Lizzy. Away from it all. Going to me Mum's for a while." She stopped to gauge his reaction, but still he hung his head low and looked at his bare feet.

"Of course you'll still see Lizzy. As much as you want. I'd never stop that. It just I need some space. Get it all sorted in me nut."

"When?" Was all he asked, quietly no fuss. Just like it had happened last time, last time they just slipped away from one another. Again the carousel of their past catching up with them.

"Tomorrow, Day after. Is that ok? Just when Mum's able to come over and help me with a few bits and pieces."

"If you go now how can I fix what I broke?" He asked her but kept his eyes down.

"I don't know." She answered.

He turned and looked at her. He couldn't beg, he saw she needed time. He could therefore only hope.

"You will come back to me though Molly, won't you?" His eyes glistened with the tears he held in them.

She saw the hope, pain, need in his eyes. Saying the words to her she once had remembered had meant so much to them. Those words had been the promise of the start of their future.

She knew how she had to answer.

She knew how he would have expected her to answer.

This was Molly's new world that she had to start out right on.

She looked at him directly and he reached out and held on to her hand. A glimpse of a smile crossed his tortured face. He said it to her one more time.

"You will come back to me Molly? Please."

And then she spoke, firmly and with all the truth in her heart.

"I don't know Charles. I don't know if I will. I don't even know if I want to. Or if I can forgive again."

She stood and left, left him alone in the cold front room. He didn't watch her go but heard her climbing the stairs. He wanted to run, to shout, to beg her to change her mind, but he loved her too much.

It was time to let her go.


	16. Chapter 16

**Carousel**

 **Chapter 16**

She wondered why in God's name she thought that this was a good idea. That running back to her parents was the answer. She knew that this wasn't where she was meant to be. It just didn't feel right. 

She looked around at her room. Here she was, living in her old bedroom, this time with their baby daughter. It wasn't just that it was cramped, noisy and she had no privacy, it was that it was everything she didn't need, she'd hoped for time, for some space. However as each day slowly passed, listening to her Mum's opinions about Charles she felt more confused, and unable to process it all. 

She'd hoped in those first few days that she'd enjoy feeling independent from him, and to proving to herself that she could do it. She had, it would seem done it before, she needed to know therefore that she could do it again. Yet her heart was conflicted, confused and totally lost. She very quickly came to the conclusion being away from him, from Charles, wasn't right. 

Lying on her bed, trying to gain some quiet time for herself Molly sighed. Even though she hadn't wanted to, she knew she'd hurt him, but still, even knowing that she still wondered if she could give him what he so desperately wanted...her back. Her distance from him would be hurting him... and it hurt her as each day trickles of old memories dropped into her consciousness and she began to remember more and more of his kindness, his love for them. 

Charles was lost, but trying as he had once done before to carry on. Determined he wasn't going to go under again. Needing to keep going for all their sakes. He knew Molly had tried, despite it all, but the texts and videos she sent him of Lizzy weren't nearly enough to help with his loss. He accepted them though, grateful that she hadn't cut him out of her life completely, something he feared each and every day. He was thankful for what she sent. However he didn't push her. He gave her time, gave her the space she obviously craved away from him. He was polite, but very much distant. Never initiating contact with her, it was all going to have to be on Molly's terms, but just for now. He vowed that this time he would not lose her without a fight. 

Molly's life now was more chaotic and she began to miss the routine of her old life, finding years of doing it her way hard to give up. Conscious and unconscious memories that broke through when she least expected it, surprising her, but proving to her of her need for Charles in their lives. As days went by more memories flooded through, each small piece a happy gift she was all too willing to receive, starting to make sense of the life she had. Though she was careful, she never shared them with Charles, as true to her character, she still had too many doubts and fears about herself, about them that held her back. 

She was stubborn, she knew that, and she was scared, fearing that because of that she might not be able to find a way back to him. Still hurt, still feeling betrayed, still unsure about how to change things. Doubts from years ago surfacing that maybe she wasn't good enough for him, as she used to doubt herself in the early years.

The days rolled on. Charles' access to Lizzy always a priority and so Molly tentatively invited him to spend the day with his daughter. He immediately accepted, and it surprised her how happy she felt. Feeling his gratitude in the few lines of text he sent. 

As the weekend drew closer Molly hankered for more contact with him, hoped he'd contact her, follow up details, hoping for something from him, but there was nothing. Amazed at finding herself constantly checking her phone, never having it out of her sight, and feeling the disappointment when she heard nothing. 

The butterflies in her stomach, as the meeting approached also surprised her. A sure sign of her anxiety, but mixed with bubbles of happiness at seeing him again. Molly dressed with extra care that morning, and steeled herself, willed herself to be calm. It was all in vain however as when the doorbell rang she almost sprinted to answer it. It had been nearly a week, but it had seemed so much longer to her. Belinda and Dave watched her and for once, at last, offered no opinions. They could see that they were losing her again to him. That no matter what they did or said, Charles was the winner in the competition for Molly's heart. 

Flinging open the door she stalled. There he stood on her doorstep, just like he had done in their early courting days. In the days when all she knew was happiness and hope. She looked at this man who was a stranger to her on some levels, but deep down where it mattered she knew him so well. 

The years had been kind to Charles James ascetically. She'd always known she was lucky to have his heart, used to be so proud he was hers. Amazed even after all their years together that it was her he had chosen. He was still a handsome man in anyone's eyes, toned, chiselled, and when he chose to throw out a killer smile he melted hearts. His smile, that special smile he'd used on Molly, had always allowed her to forgive him of almost anything and she wondered as he stood in front of her again if it still would. 

On seeing him she expected that smile from him, had hoped for it she guessed, but was disappointed when she opened the door at just how sad he looked. There would be no smile for her today, and she began to have a feeling of loss for the happy Charles she had once had in her life. He was reserved with her but as always ever the gentleman. Controlled, as only he could be. His impeccable manners always winning out over his heart. 

Molly tried as best she could in her nervous state to show him how happy she was to see him. Lifting her head, smiling at him, to engage his eyes, to impress on him her feelings. She tried, but gave up noticing quickly there was no pretence at any joy from him to see her. 

"Hello." She said, feeling foolish, wondering how she had got this all so wrong. He was after all her husband. Had seen her in good times and bad, and right here, right now, she so wanted him to see her as he used to see her. For them to be to each other what they used to be. 

"Molly." Was his stiff distant reply, a brief nod of the head as though she was a mere acquaintance. It hurt her so much. "Is she ready?" 

He poked his head expectantly around the hallway they had stepped into searching out the daughter he had so desperately missed. Of this he could admit to, but as to how desperately he'd missed Molly he would never say. Not for now. For now he'd honour her choice to leave him. He has caused her too much pain before. He never wanted to hurt her again. 

"Of course. She's really looking forward to it. All she could talk about at breakfast was her day with Daddy." 

She hoped he would smile at her joke. That he'd join in with the tease, but she got nothing from him. 

"We should be going. Sam's waiting in the car. He thought he'd join us for the day." Charles said picking up his daughter from the car seat and making happy hello noises to her. The joy he had in seeing her unable to be disguised. Avoiding any eye contact with Molly. To aware just how close he was to begging her to come back to him. To come home. 

"God she's changed already." He sadly said, taking in his daughter's appearance. Realisation that yet again he was missing out on another of his children's lives. Realising that unlike last time though he had not just lost Sam, this time he had lost everything that was precious to him. 

Molly blushed, the hurt in his voice so apparent. She felt ashamed that it was her who had separated them. Saddened too at how awkward it now appeared to have become. Memories of their access visits with Sam all those years ago and the painfully uncomfortable meetings that used to happen between Charles and Rebecca floating around her head. They had both always promised that would never be them, they'd never act like that. Yet standing there, feeling like strangers to each other, hating that's exactly what they had become. 

"Yeah. Teething too." Was all she could say, then tried to move them on. "Just give me a min while I grab my coat then we can go." 

She stopped in her tracks as Charles gently held on to her arm. Effectively stopping her from turning away from him. The thrill of that touch didn't escape her, but it wasn't loving. It wasn't caring, it was firm and halting. It had only that purpose. 

"You're coming with us?" He asked not truly believing his ears. Fearing what she'd reply. 

"Err. Yeah? Thought I would. Thought you'd know that?" She answered back staring right up at him. Still his hand held onto her arm. 

"No no no. I hadn't. I mean why? Thought it would be just me, Lizzy and Sam." He replied. 

"It's ok if I come though isn't it?" She asked hopeful, quietly, but fearfully. She knew his answer before he spoke. The emotions of what he was to say playing on his face, his eyes avoiding hers. The tell tale sign of his lower lip being chewed in concern. 

Charles turned away, bent down and strapped his daughter in to her travel seat, concentrating on the job rather than looking at Molly. His voice was stern, emotionless. This was how he coped. 

"I'd prefer if you didn't. Would just like some time alone with her you know?" And then he stood up lifting the seat, pausing for a mere second for Molly's reply. He still hadn't the courage to look at her, fearful of his resolve. 

Molly's reply was weak and quiet, and even to her own ears she could hear how close she was to crying. 

"Oh? No? Shit sorry….I just presumed." She tried to sound cheerful. "Of course off you go. Have a good day." She bent down to kiss Lizzy and before she'd even straighten up he was out the door. 

His last words to her promising that he'd have Lizzy back for bath time. 

Molly stood rooted to the spot. The front door closing quietly as he left. The incomprehensible babble of her daughter drifting down the walkway. Molly felt bereft as soon as they'd gone. His shadow had blocked out the sun momentarily and she felt herself shiver. Now he was gone and the sun was shining back through she'd expected to warm up but she didn't. Instead she crumpled to the bottom stair breaking her heart. 

"So?" Said Jacqui looking directly at her friend. "Are we ready to start it up again?" 

Molly looked at her confused. "What?" It was Jacqui's annual trip home and hence their annual meet up. 

"The ' _I hate Charles James_ ' fan club. I was a founder member, quite an elite membership if I remember." Jacqui took a sip of her tea and watched waiting for Molly to bite. 

"No. I don't hate him. It's complicated." She whined. 

"Guess the question is then Molls is do you still love him?" 

Then without a moment hesitation Molly bit back. 

"Of course I bloody do. It's just complicated. That's all." 

"What do you mean Molls…. it's simple? You love him...you forgave him... but you forgot that, and so you ran... again!" 

"What do you mean again? Last time he slept with Georgie. What was I supposed to do?" She burst out. 

"Shit Molls I know that, but you didn't exactly hang around now did you, then or now, to give him a chance." Jacqui calmly spoke, feeling very much that this time Molly needed some good home truths. 

"Look." Jacqui continued despite the dark looks Molly was giving her. 

"He was ill. He was fragged and messed up. He needed help. You tried, for a while, but you also gave up pretty quickly on him. Pushed and pushed him, when maybe you should have just done nothing. Him sleeping with Georgie was shit, but also it was your perfect get out clause wasn't it?" She paused momentarily as she saw the tears start to well up in Molly's eyes. "He stopped being this idol you'd married and showed himself to be human. He couldn't handle it and neither could you. So he did what he did, and you did what you did. You ran." 

Molly was speechless, in all the years Jacqui had never spoken to her like this, she had always been on her side. Had always been a proud member of the hating Charles club, faultless in her attendance and support. 

"Is that how people saw it? Is that what you think? That I just left him?" 

"Well yes, well no, well maybe. Look Molls most folks didn't know about Georgie. They didn't know about his PTSD for a while. They just thought the going got tough and you got going. Then when you fell off the face of the earth military style there was lots of gossip." 

The tears were falling down Molly's face now, but Jacqui pushed on.

"You know Charles had to put up with a lot of grief when you left. He took it all, every bit 'cause you weren't there. He defended you though, every time, as much as he could." 

"I never thought. Fuck he cheated and I get branded as the shit in our marriage." She sobbed astonished by her friend's outburst and feeling how unfair it all was. 

Yet she appreciated she hadn't been there to deal with her marriage fall out so wasn't able to defend herself, or her actions. Yet Charles apparently did, he defended her despite it all. 

"He may have cheated Molls, but he was ill. You left because of pride, not willing to hang around to try, or even to hear Charles out. I told you how unwell he was, that he needed help, but you never once went to see him did you?" 

Molly shot her eyes up. 

"Did you?" 

"Yeah I did." She answered truthfully. This was a secret she had hidden from Molly for years, and it was out of respect for Charles. 

"Once or twice in the beginning. He was a total mess. Hardly functioning, hardly recognisable. He'd lost everything. He asked about you always. I never said though. I wouldn't. Killed him when he didn't know. Whatever he'd done he still loved you." 

Molly was amazed, to begin with her limited recollection of events were foolishly based on what Belinda had told her. Yet here was her best mate telling her the exact opposite. That when it all went to shit it wasn't just Charles' fault, she it would appear, had to shoulder some blame too. 

Molly knew Jacqui was right. When she left their marriage she did so partly because of what Charles had done, but maybe also because suddenly he wasn't the man she had married. Being young and naive that had understandably scared her, and so as she did once before when she got scared, after Smurf's death, she ran. 

Jacqui's honesty made her more focused in using her time apart from Charles in the way she hoped she would. Struggling for days with her conscience and guilt. Struggling to find a way back. 

Throughout it all Tom, like Jacqui remained her close friend, and she still turned to him for advice and support. He too was brutally honest about her situation. 

"Look Molls you ain't happy." He said. "You know it was Charles, he found you when you went missing. He was the one that knew you well enough to know where you were. No one else did." 

"I know." She smiled remembering that day on her hill, when she woke to finding him watching over her. 

"You spent ten years without him." Tom continued. "You weren't living a life you weren't happy, you was existing. This past year and a half since he came back into your life you've been more happy, happier than I've ever known you."

Molly considered it all.

"Hello you." She beamed as he answered the door. Lizzy chuckled in her car seat recognising her Daddy. 

As soon as he'd heard her car arrive he was there to greet them.

"Hello beautiful lady." He softly said as he reached down to grab the car seat from Molly to welcome his daughter. 

She saw the love on his face and felt a twinge of pointless jealousy, knowing he'd greet her like that too if only she'd let him. 

Shyly though he turned his eyes to Lizzy's mother. 

"Hi." He smiled hesitantly, slightly blindsided by the beaming smile her face. A smile that so many times in his life had stolen his heart. "You ok? Good journey?" 

"Yeah great thanks. I forgot how long it was." She offered as she walked behind him into the kitchen. Feeling very much second place in his interests. 

She watched him kissed their daughter and fuss over her. Feeling left out as he paid her less attention than she had wanted. 

Turning she left them alone and brought their bags from the car. Gallantly he followed, after a few moments to help her. 

"Christ Dawes" He teased helping her bring bag after bag into their home. "How much have you brought?" 

She giggled with happiness and nerves, happy to be his centre of attention for now. Hoping her words would start to change their world. 

"You know us James ladies. We've always loads of stuff with us when we stay over." 

He stared at her confused, saying nothing, then the full realisation dawned on her. He'd had planned, asked for this weekend with Lizzy, Molly presumed she'd been invited too. 

"Shit." She said. "I've done it again haven I? Shit."

"What?" He asked. "What? Were you expecting to stay too?" 

"Well yeah. Thought you'd invited me and that." She offered feeling sick with embarrassment and fear. She'd had so many hopes pinned on this weekend, time alone, time as a family. Time to heal. 

He walked stiffly over to her and held one of her arms. That's all he could trust himself to do. Still holding on to his squirming daughter, who was fascinated by tugging on his curls. 

"Molly this is your home. You never have to be invited." He reassured her gently. 

The thrill of his touch yet again didn't escape her, she quickly turned her face from his to hide her response, confident that if Charles had seen he'd never let on. 

"Thought we'd stay the weekend like... and see?" 

She loved how his face lit up when she said this, and she loved seeing that for now he was happy, and she loved even more so that it was her who'd made him happy. 

"Right then." He chirped, and right there, right then was the man she'd fallen in love with. The one who'd turned her world around so many times. His smile filled his face. 

"How about I bath this little lady then make you some food?" Charles said. 

He knew he was ahead of himself, but he needed desperately to make her feel welcome, to feel at home. He saw this as a chance. 

He couldn't escape though at how she was looking at him, how it made him feel and fear rushed through him. He needed to be cautious, trying not to hope too much. 

Left alone Molly moved around her home with ease. Surprising herself just how easy she found being there. Remembering the first time she came, remembering them making it into their home, bringing their daughter back from the hospital, and the memories that were stirred by their wedding photo and what that day had meant to her. 

She knew once running away had been wrong. Now she needed to be around him, to share space and time with him again to remind herself what she had ran from. She owed it to them all to try, and standing there in their home she wanted nothing more than to try. 

Their weekend together was in both their eyes perfect. They behaved liked perfect parents, and with ease around each other. The perfect family. It was filled with fun and happy times. Making new memories and helping fill in little bits of Molly's missing memory. 

Their life before the accident, why she had forgiven him, why she had come back to him all made perfect sense now. She loved him, always would he was her past and very much her future.

The weekend passed and he heard no talk of Molly leaving. He never asked she never said. It was just presumed she'd stay. Still delicate around one another but no longer strangers, a peaceful tension arose between them. Separate rooms still held, but it was never in doubt to either of them that each night they parted their looks became longer, their closeness more noticeable. 

His happiness at her staying was obvious. He had tried so hard not to be hopeful, but he too could see that she was coming back to him. 

Leaving for work on Monday morning he felt happy and positive. Yet that all changed when he got the call to say Molly was at guard house wanting to see him. 

He'd left home that morning so happy, both of them slipping back into some old habits, so natural, so easy. So easy in fact that when he had said goodbye he'd automatically kissed her on the cheek as he left. She said nothing and hadn't pulled away, just a small smile creeping across her face. It felt right. That was as right up until this moment. 

He hurried long the parade ground, fearful she was leaving him again. Her turning up at his work had meant she had come to say good bye this time. As he approached he saw her laughing and smiling with the guards. The young soldiers making a fuss over his beautiful daughter. His fears abated a little when he saw her smile at him. 

"What's wrong? Everything ok? Lizzy fine?" He gushed out with worry. 

"Relax she's fine." A sliver of guilt passed over her. 

Molly looked at Charles and realised he had more than few flecks of grey in his 45 year old head of hair. Worried that she must have contributed to more than a few, both before and after their marriages. 

"So what you doing here?" He asked. Confused pulling his daughter from the guard's arms and turning him and Molly away for a degree of privacy. 

"We've been up to something... wanted to tell you." She stared at him and waited until he looked fully at her. 

"What's that?" He asked now truly appreciating her serious tone, giving her his full attention. 

"Miss Elizabeth James wanted to tell her Daddy her news in person, and she was kind of hoping you'd treat us to lunch too." Molly giggled and he chuckled back. 

Turning her to walk towards his office. Gently placing his hand on her back, keeping her close to them both. They walked in step, once again attuned to each other. 

"So what's the news?" He asked as they ate in the mess. 

"Charles. I've something to tell you." She offered cautiously. Twisting her face with worry. "Don't know how you're gonna take it." 

His stomach dropped, but he encouraged her anyway. Chastising himself that he'd maybe had been too hopeful. 

"It just this morning Lizzy and I did something." She prayed, worried about his response to it all. It should have been a joint decision. They should have discussed it. "I've booked her into the camp crèche for two mornings a week. Starting next week." She rushed out. 

She saw his startled look and hastily continued. 

"It just for some socialisation, and maybe let me have some time to get my head around things a bit more." He remained silent. "It will be good for her... for us." She finally offered. 

Mindful of where he was, of the uniform he wore he reined in his response, but she knew. She remembered her man from the past, and finally she remembered her man from now. He was over joyed. 

This day crèche meant they were here for good. His watery smile and stealthy clasp of her hand, running his fingers across hers, made her feel so happy and loved. She knew it was how it should always have been. Molly and Charles. 

In the following days their lives together started to find the routine that she had craved. They talked, laughed and most importantly for them both remembered. Molly's memory coming up to speed with what her heart always knew. Charles willing to accept her recovery with the love she attended to him. 

Each night they climbed the stairs, and said their good nights outside their separate bedrooms doors. Step by step they both felt was appropriate to their recovery. Separate rooms separate beds for now. Charles made no moves towards anything other. And so the nights, as the days, past in this way. 

He sighed. Happy, but still with longing. As the late night flipped over in to the early minutes of the next day Charles lay awake, but even the tiny knock on the bedroom door surprised him. 

"I can't sleep." Molly whispered popping her head around the door. "I was wondering." She hesitated as he sat up in their bed. His naked chest stalling her mind from her intended mission. "Could I ... I mean... shit... is it ok to have a cuddle?" 

She stood at the foot of the bed for mere seconds. It was a bold move for her, but one she wasted to take. 

Charles moved himself from his side of the bed and reached Molly. He grabbed her hands in his, noticing her trembling, all too aware of the effect they both had on each other. 

"Dawes ... shut the fuck up and come to bed...please." He breathed out, leading her gently, cautiously to her half of the marital bed. A place where she had been missing from for too long. 

Giggling and nervous as a school girl she slipped into the sheets that smelled oh so like her man. The man she had oh so missed. 

He launched himself beside her. Embarrassed by his eagerness. Surprised by his energy. Leaning across he brushed back the stray hair from her face as it fell around her shoulders. 

"I just want to be held. Is that ok? I ain't never saying never and that to the other stuff, but for now... just a cuddle?" She almost pleaded her need to take it slow. 

"Molly." He replied. Careful to measure his tone. "Anything. A cuddle is perfect. Fucking wonderful." He kissed her head in gratitude and love. "Thank you." 

"What for?" She teased. Knowing exactly what he meant. 

He bit his lip and smiled back at her. She was now in his arms, both face to face. Both smiling like school kids with their first crush. 

"For coming back to me Molly." He said. 

"I'm sorry..." She looked earnestly at him. "It's taken me so long...I never meant that... but now I know...I always will... never worry about that ever again...I'll always come back to you." 

She smiled into his beautiful brown eyes and was rewarded by her special smile from him.

"I love you." 


	17. Chapter 17

**Carousel**

 **Chapter 17**

The pure and utter joy she felt as she clung with all her strength to his body. Waves of pleasure flooded her mind and body. It was so new and yet so familiar. Digging her hands and nails into the flesh of his back made her feel as though she would never come down from the wave of ecstasy they were both enjoying as they delighted in being joined together once again. 

A single tear escaped down his face as he too suffered his release. Molly unsure if it was her nails raking down his back that was causing him pain, or the fact she knew he had put every utter ounce into making sure she had complete and utter pleasure in their love making. The effort of holding back for her enjoyment playing on his face throughout. 

When he did finally let go, it was hard and gasping. Nothing gentle or reserved anymore. The ache he'd suffered over the past weeks having its escape. He too held her, he was afraid she would slip away. Yet as he stared into her eyes and held her body still quivering with aftershocks of her orgasm, he knew that for now it wasn't going to happen. 

Gently moving from underneath him, but still holding on to him, she asked. 

"You ok?" 

His voice was hoarse and he licked his lips in an attempt to regain some semblance of normality to it. 

"Yeah. Very much. You?" 

"Me? Well I can't feel me legs. Don't know what day of the week it is, but yeah I'm good." She giggled, feeling so happy. "Shitting hell Charles was it always this good?" 

She knew the answer though, but enjoyed how embarrassed he looked at her question. He nodded slightly though with total and utter pride in her compliment, pulling her towards him. 

"Sometimes Dawes we're even better than that!" Then he burst out laughing and rolled her across him as he laid on his back. She draped herself across him willingly. Claiming him. Their sticky, damp bodies making her feel exhilarated and exhausted in the best possible way. Their love making had been more than perfect, it had been exceptional. 

Her arrival into her old room had started innocently. She had truly just wanted a cuddle, but as soon as she smelt the warm muskiness of the sheets he'd slept in she knew she'd be unable to stop at just a cuddle. 

It was her who had made the first move. Aware at Charles' readiness, but knowing he'd respect her wishes. Her claim that she wasn't ready for anything other than a cuddle, he'd totally honour. 

They spent a long time staring into each other's eyes. Sharing the same air. Their warm minty breaths mingling as they moved closer and closer. His hands stayed resting on her arm and face. Hardly moving. The heat of his pads awakening her skin and tantalising her. So her hands began innocently to move, then the weeks of not touching him soon causing them to move with more of a determination. 

At first they merely moved over his frame, and his muscles. Stroking his arms, slowly feeling his shiver underneath her touch. Then she traced her hand up and down his chest and torso. All the time their eyes were locked together. 

She felt his arousal pushing against his sleeping bottoms. Nudging her upper thigh, Charles making no attempt to shift and to hide it from her. That pleased her, she wanted to be wanted by him so very much. As she was wanting him. 

The simple touches of his body, the eyes that dilated under her stare aroused her so much. Quickly leading her into state of desire, pooling between her legs. Reminding her of how quick and eager it all had been in their early days, when she was always desperate for him, always ready to take him. And although that then never changed over those years, since Lizzy they had needed, at times, be more diligent in their foreplay. 

Moving from his chest she slowed her arms to trail down his torso to the waist band of his pyjamas. Slowly moving to dip her hand in and claim him in an animalistic way. Still no words had been said but, Charles' sharp intake of breath and his cunning chuckle stilled her.

His teeth had caught his lower lip and his head was rolled back, concentration etched across his face. He moved his hand to grab hers. Rather than let her hold him he pulled it up to his lips and kissed it reverently. Then he placed a kiss on each and every finger that he held. 

She shifted herself to lie on top of him freeing her hand in the process. Taking control back as she began to dot kisses across his neck and shoulders. Mapping a course down his body that made her intended destination very obvious. She wanted to taste him, to take him, in a way that would show him that she truly loved him. Yet again he stopped her. 

He flipped her over and smiled darkly and full of intent into her startled eyes. For a brief moment she feared that he wanted her to stop. That he didn't want her in the way she wanted, nay needed him. 

"No." Was all he said, and then seeing the confusion, panic, worry cross her face he smiled. "Ladies first." 

She melted, dissolved into his administrations. Her body was worshiped by him as he moved across and down it. He took her to peaks of love that she knew they always had achieved, but they are memories, the sensations she was feeling now were real, and were happening because of their unbreakable love for each other. 

She accepted his worship of her willingly, enjoying every touch, every kiss, and every flick of his tongue along her body. Trying at times to reciprocate her pleasure, but always being stopped. Charles wanted to give tonight, to give his all for Molly's pleasure. Feeling in himself her love for him, her coming back to him, he'd already received enough from her. 

The loving, the rediscovering continued. He loved her from top to toe. She thrilled at every explosion he cause her body to have, too many sensations at times to separate. Sometimes not know where one began or when another ended. 

She feared briefly at her own energy levels when it came to his release. Yet she need not have worried. Despite his fingers, hands, kisses, lips bringing her to several shuttering orgasms when he finally entered her she responded to him with all the energy she could muster. Their union was exhilarating, fulfilling and mutually satisfying. Their timings perfect and the joy of being so intimate again crashed waves of excitement and relief through their bodies perfectly. 

So when they did eventually break apart. When they did need to start using words again to communicate with each other, it was with total awe on both sides. Molly aware that she had been truly adored, Charles aware that he had her heart all over again. 

Little more was said. Both too emotionally and physically spent. So they just laid there, both damp, both bodies still slightly pulsating from their highs, clinging on to one another and slept. 

He felt like a teenager. She lay in his arms, still asleep. Resting from their reconciliation. They had both been left satisfied, but exhausted. How after a few hours of refreshing sleep he wanted her again. Like a horny adolescent, not like a man in his 40s, but like he had been all those years ago when she first visited him in Bath. His ardour for her was not damped, and with her naked and stretched out against him, her breasts resting along his chest, the effects of his desire for her were once again awakening. 

She shifted, and slowly her eyes registered the lateness of the night. It was still dark, she knew they hadn't slept long, but judging by the movements stirring against her leg it was obviously long enough for him. 

Giggling as she spoke, still not taking her head from his chest, she teased him. Asking if he knew how old she was, how old he was? Teasing him that she needed her beauty sleep and no more of those shenanigans twice in a night at her age. 

He apologised instantly, worried he'd offended her, had over stepped the mark. Bending over slightly and kissing her head apologetically, silently asking for forgiveness if any was needed and closing his eyes praying for sleep. 

Within seconds though they snapped open as he felt her crawl down his body. Awakening his desire, that in his concern had stated to wane. 

This time Molly got her way. She took the control of this round of the night time athletics. She was the master of their destiny and ecstasy, and soon worshiped him in the way that made him rejoice in her control. Loving hearing her commanding him to give himself to her completely. Which he did, and revelled in his total submission to her skilful ways. 

The next morning Molly woke she found herself alone, and aching. Reaching over to their clock she saw it was late, yet she felt no panic. Charles was always the early bird, she knew he'd have seen to Lizzy to allow her to sleep. 

She lay there stretching, testing every muscle. Dreamily smiling at the memories of their night together. Happy in all they had achieved. She'd come back to him, they both had reaffirmed their love for one another in a totally basic and appropriate way. 

Molly would have laid there for longer, but felt she was missing out. Hearing her husband and daughter's giggles drifting up from downstairs. These delightful noises pulling her into action, that and the disgustingly crumpled sheets she now lay on. 

He raised his eyes up in surprise when he saw her walking down the stairs. An arm full of bedding in front of her, hair still messed up and tangled. Lips plump and swollen from his fierce kisses. She'd never looked more beautiful, her face glowed and her whole aura sang to him of utter contentment. 

"Morning beautiful." He grabbed her and kissed her. 

She pulled away mindful that he'd showered, aware she still carried the distinctive smell of their activities on her. 

"Morning yourself, and sorry I haven't showered yet." She apologised to him but stroked his face gently to show him that nothing had changed. She saw him relax instantly. 

"You look beautiful." He said. "And you don't stink. You smell of our love." 

She snorted happily at him, stuffing the bedding in the washer and turned back to him. 

"Right? Is that what it is? I stink of love?" Then after kissing her daughter good morning, who was happily playing with pans and spoons on the kitchen floor, she turned back to him, grinning. 

"So if me smelling like I spent all night having sex, means I smell of love…..what Major James does this bloody thing mean?" 

She turned towards him, still happy and pulled her pyjama top up. Giving him the briefest flash of her nipples, pointing to several marks on her skin. 

"Love bites!" She squealed at him. "Bleeding love bites? I'm not 16 you know?" Slapping his hand playfully away as he went to caress them. 

"Sorry. Are you mad?" He asked tentatively. 

"Well yeah. Well no. It just you haven't given me one of them for years. Reckon I'm a bit past them you know." 

"Well Mrs James." He threw his head back sniggering at her. "If you're past it. What does that make me?" He asked, and then pulled up his own t shirt to display an almost identical row of love bites on his torso. 

"Shit. She slapped her hand over her mouth and moved in to be held by him. Whispering into his chest as she breathed him in. "I forgot about them buggers! Sorry." 

"God don't be." He inhaled her smell. It was basic, she smelled of them, of their raw passion and again his body started to respond. "I love that you can do that to me, that we can do it to each other. It's something a bit naughty at our age I guess." 

"Shit Charles, if that's naughty then I guess all the other stuff we got up to last night must be bleeding X-rated!" And they both erupted into loud happy laughter, startling Lizzy but making her join in with the sound, banging the spoons and pans . 

"You do know this isn't how it works anymore don't you?" She looked over at Charles who'd eventually come home from a long day at work and slumped in the chair. 

He looked exhausted. It had been several energetic weeks since that first night she returned back to their martial bed. And each and every night since then they had delighted in each other's bodies... almost to the point of exhaustion. The arrival of her period giving them some degree of welcomed respite. Something if they were both honest they needed. She didn't know how he'd been coping with such little sleep and full on days, at least she was able to have little naps when Lizzy slept during the day.

"What?" He looked at her quizzically. No longer with the fear he'd once had, he felt safe and secure in them again. 

"You brooding over whatever it is you want to tell me, just don't know how." She crawled over to sit on his knee and he held her tight. 

"I guess you know me too well Mrs James." He sighed kissing her gently.

"I do mate. Now out with it what's going on?"

Taking a deep breath, concerned as to how he should tell her he paused. 

"It's Georgie." He blurted out. "Well at least her family. Her mum and dad. They've been in touch. They want to meet up with you." 

She was shocked. 

"What the bloody hell for?" She stuttered out. 

"Well I guess to thank you and to talk about what happened." He regretted the hurt that he had caused to pass over her face. "You don't have to." He added.

"I don't know Charles. Can I think about it? I just don't know if I want to go there you know?"

He did. He totally understood, it seemed even the ghost of Georgie was going to cause his wife pain. His sins, his past actions apparently were always going to haunt them.

"You know I'll be by your side if you do." It was a small offering, but one he had to make. 

She leaned over and kissed him soundly and deeply. "I do. I know you'll always be there for me. Thank you." 

Although it took her weeks of deciding, weighing up the reasons to and the reasons not to, they both knew it was a forgone conclusion, that she would meet Georgie's parents. And that Charles would be right by her side. 

Delighting Edward by asking him to have Lizzy for a night, on some pretext that they were having a romantic break, they headed up north to Georgie's parents' home. Only they knew of their purpose, of the magnitude of the journey. 

They were greeted with thanks and a large degree of awkwardness when they arrived. Georgie's parents shocked to see Charles too. Hesitant to start off the emotional conversations they wanted to have in front of him. Molly could see this and although it went against everything that he'd promised her he agreed to leave her alone with them. 

They began by thanking her, wanting to know every detail of their time together at the crash site. Wanting her to remind them of their daughter, who they dearly missed. Needing to feel some connection to the catastrophic events, not for comfort sake but in an attempt to gain some understanding regarding their loss. 

Molly had always known that Georgie's family was so very important to her. The few times they had been on tour it had been their letters she looked forward to the most. She knew the love they all had for one another and how her loss must hurt them every day. Molly tried to be as gentle as possible about the events of that night. Claiming memory loss still when they asked the more difficult questions about her pain and discomfort. She tried, but knew she had failed. Whatever they had hoped for in their meeting up, they didn't seem to have achieved it. Her visit gave them no comfort. 

By the time Charles returned, the comfortableness that had developed between them soon evaporate. Their opinions on Charles and his past conduct clouding their good manners. Many times in their eyes he had been the bad guy in Georgie's life, from breaking the news to her about being jilted by Elvis, to being her CO and being taken hostage, and then finally to messing her life up when he slept with her after Elvis' death. It was hard for them to look at him, Charles, who now seemed to have everything, while their daughter was dead. 

They quickly said their goodbyes but as they were leaving her mother pressed a letter into Molly's hand. 

"She knew you know. Despite everyone telling her she was wrong... she bloody knew." Georgie's mother said. 

Molly looked at the sealed envelope in her hand. Her name in Georgie's writing, a letter Georgie had written to her. Molly only stared wide eyed at her, confused. Charles saw it all and stepped forward, just in case. 

"She wrote this cause she wanted to explain, about what they did. She needed you to know the truth…..that how sorry she was. Cause she was. She was a mess after Elvis. She wasn't right for a long time. What she did wasn't our Georgie. Please don't hate her." 

Molly's hand was silently pressed tightly around the letter by her dad. she smiled at them both. 

"I don't hate her. She was a good person. She just got it wrong after Elvis." She looked at Charles. "We all did…but she was someone you should be very proud of." 

They thanked her with hugs and smiles, and with that Molly and Charles left. Initially their car journey was silent. Charles not sure how to start. Ye as it turned out, as so many times in his life, it was his brave girl Molly who went first. 

"You ok?" She gently asked him. 

"Me? I should be asking you. Are you ok?" He turned briefly to see her with her head hung low playing with the envelope holding the letter Georgie had written to her from her hospital bed. 

"Yeah. No. I don't know. Wasn't expecting this though." She said as she flapped the paper about. 

"You going to read it?" He asked, so anxious about what it contained. Worried it would damage them, as his betrayal had done all those years ago. Worried about what Georgie confessed. Molly knew the truth, the version of the truth that Charles had told her, the version that he remembered in his messed up head. He was very much aware though that Georgie's recollections may differ and perhaps dam him in Molly's eyes. 

"I don't know. I really don't know." Then she saw the agony deeply etched onto his face. "Hey don't worry. Whatever it says I'll still be here. I'll still love you." 

He smiled weakly at her, he could only hope that would be true. 

The letter was never mentioned again, not for many months. It's how they both wanted it to be. He knew she had put it away as soon as they had arrived home that night. She never talked about it, he never mentioned it. They just carried on, because that's what they did. They carried on with their lives, with Lizzy in the centre of it. He wasn't worried though. He knew all was well, she didn't seem to be dwelling on the letter, she was happy, they were happy as they used to be. Georgie's last words locked away somewhere and he knew that one day, when she needed to she'd read them, but just not now.

"I'd like to come again, if that's ok?" She whispered to him one night in bed as she snuggled herself perfectly into his arms. Their love making, when not interrupted, continued to be an almost nightly event. Something they both delighted in and needed from one another. The physical act reaffirming the emotional attachment their hearts still very much had. 

"Really? You're sure?" He softly replied. "I like that though." And then he kissed her. 

"Thought it would be a good place to read her letter too." She said. 

Instantly he became alert, but tried to hide it from her, yet knowing she had felt his body tense at her words.

"Don't worry please. I just think it's the right place. Right time. Kind of like old times. You, me, Georgie and Elvis all together again." She explained.

And so several weekends later that's exactly what happened. On the anniversary of Elvis' death Charles stood by his memorial as he always had done every year. Today he was joined by Molly, who held tightly onto his hand. Holding on to her life, while remembering the lives of friends in their past.

"I miss him you know. He was a good mate. We used to do some crazy things back in the day. I still forget sometimes he's gone." 

She moved to hold him, contact was what he needed not her words. Charles continued. 

"When he died I knew then I wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough to be the one still alive. I wished so many times it should have been me. Wanted it to be me, but I couldn't tell you that. I couldn't hurt you like that so I pushed. I pushed hard and it worked…. you left. I enjoyed the pain it caused, cause it was what I thought I deserved." 

"Charles. Please we don't have to. We've been over all this." She watched him as the tears fell. 

"Yeah I know, and if Elvis was here he'd be taking the piss right now. It's just you Molly. I love you and unlike my piss taking mate here I got a second chance, and I'll do anything to keep you in my life from now on." He drew a breath while slowly moving his hand across Elvis' name plate, as though he was offering him a promise too. 

"I've read it." She said, a few moments of silence later, standing stone still next to him. "Last night. While you slept. I didn't want to wait anymore."

He dropped his head lower, but never turned to look at her. He appreciated though her hand still tightly held onto his. 

"And?" He choked out. 

"And nothing. She didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Except I guess she was so very sorry." Then she took the letter from her pocket. "You can read it if you like."

He shook his head. Very definitely no was his answer. 

She pulled away from him and took a lighter from her pocket, touching it to the end of the paper. 

He watched in amazement as the letter started to burn, as it took proper hold she dropped it to the ground of Elvis' plot. 

"Molly?" Was his confused words. 

"It's where it belongs. That letter wasn't to help me. It wasn't for us. It was for her, to ask for forgiveness, and that's what she's got. Here today in front of her eternal, one true love, and me in front of mine...I truly forgive her." 

He looked at her and smiled, turning them away from the remains of Georgie's letter, now burnt ashes lying on top of Elvis' grave. Together at last. Bonded by Molly's actions, at rest together because of her. How it really should always have been. 

"Time to go home?" He asked 

"Yes. It is. Definitely. Time to go home." She looked at him with so much love but with a mischievous glint. 

They had gone from sad to happy it the shortest period of time, and she knew she was about to change their moods again. 

"Do you think love ever has a limit?" She asked as they slowly walked through the manicured grounds back to the car, hand in hand. 

"What do you mean?" He turned puzzled at her question. 

"Well like do you think you only have enough love and once that's used up, once your hearts full for them then you have no more to give?" She explained more. 

"I don't know. All I know is that my heart is full up with love for you, Lizzy, Sam, and Dad." He replied. 

"Yeah? Do you think though you could love another though?" She pressed on.

He turned and looked at her. Although the conversation was serious she still beamed her smile at him. 

"Well yes I guess I could. If I needed to. What's this about Molly?" Sounding a bit sharp. He shook his head in utter confusion at her riddles. Worried she might be testing him. 

"Sorry. Shit. I didn't mean to annoy you. I know you love me and Lizzy and that. I know that we have your heart. It just that it gonna change." And here she paused, annoyed slightly he'd moved away from her at that very moment. "Because in about seven months' time or so you're gonna need to love someone else too."

He spun himself towards her, catching on quickly.

"You mean?"

"Yes." She raised her arms up and held them around his neck, like she had done once before. 

"I'm pregnant Charles. You're gonna to be a Daddy again, again." 


	18. Chapter 18

**Carousel**

 **Epilogue**

He couldn't believe he was here again. It was all so familiar, but all so different. Good memories and bad ones too. The noises, the smells, the differing emotions. He saw and felt it all. Sections collecting together, greeting comrades, whilst saying good bye to their loved ones, preparing for deployment yet again. Preparing to leave behind all that was familiar and dear to them, to move into the unknown. 

He stood straight. The Major mode in him coming out. The perfect soldier once again. Emotions trying to be held very firmly in check for those around him and the loved ones that were there to say goodbye. They looked to him to lead. 

"It will be ok." She whispered moving fractionally closer to him. Her presence here was making this all so much more bearable, but then her presence always did. "He'll be fine." 

He turned to look at his beautiful wife, knowing this was affecting her as much as him. Their six month year old snuggled peacefully in her arms. Contentment in everything about her. Their beautiful gentle little Martha, happy in the protection of her very loving mother. 

She was a peaceful baby so unlike her arrival into the world. That had been filled with urgency and numerous difficulties. Several fraught and unbearable hours of worry. Resulting in Molly having an emergency Caesarean, and Martha being born flat and silent. Anxious minutes passed before she let her presence known, a piercing but beautiful scream, and allowed her parents to rejoice. She came into this word with so much fuss, activity, but now lived her little life quietly amongst them. Their second daughter, so very different from their first, was safely in their world, a little sister to Lizzy and another step sister for Sam. 

Lizzy, who was destruction on legs, thankfully slept in her stroller, finally, having spent the past hour or so demonstrating, much to her mother's shame, just how good she had gotten at walking and then begging for love and cuddles from anyone who was in a uniform thinking they were all her Daddy. Acting as though she didn't get any love at home anymore now that Martha had arrived. 

Molly couldn't deny Lizzy was a good big sister to Martha when it suited. Which might not have been as often as Molly would have liked. Sometimes the green eyed monster, a trait Molly blamed definitely on Charles' genes, came out and she wasn't so nice at all. Molly just took it all in her stride. Growing up with siblings she knew it wasn't real, that Lizzy loved her little sister really, but Charles found it hard. As an only child his childhood was quiet and had no squabbling in it, and definitely no nipping of a younger sibling, as Lizzy was now prone to do... but only when she thought no one was looking! 

Despite all the chaos, the noise, the mess Charles loved it all. He loved every wonderful day he had been given to share with these three unique amazing women in his life. Always aware that this was his second chance at making Molly happy, as happy as he could. Something he'd promised to once before, and he'd intended to keep. 

"Yes I know. You're right... but I guess." He looked down at his feet slightly ashamed of expressing his emotions in such a hardened environment. Lowering his voice. "He's still my baby I guess." 

She saw his eyes glass over, and despite the baby in her arms, despite the uniform he wore she reached up onto her tip toes and pecked his cheek. 

"I know. Mine too. Kind of." She grinned as he forgot everything, appearances be dammed, and pulled her to him. Rewarding her love for his son with a resounding kiss to her head. 

She looked up at her husband, so strict, so formal in his role, but really the best of men, and still in her eyes the best looking man so far in the room. His hair greyer than it had been, the slight peppered flecks now becoming definite streaks. The few worry lines of days gone by now starting to look more pronounce and may even be described, on bad days, as wrinkles. All changed from the young man she had fallen in love with at that very airport nearly twenty years ago, but she still love him just as much as she always had done, maybe even more now if that was possible. 

He'd once promised to adore her forever, and despite everything, despite the shit hand they had been thrown, the separation, the betrayal, the illness, he always had and still did. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her, and nothing she wouldn't do for him. Molly had even, to please him, become something of a romantic, which did please Charles especially when she willing accepted his gestures without comment or derision. They were once again each other's world, only made all the more better because of the two beautiful girls they had in it. 

Then they saw him stride confidently towards them, or so it seemed. Molly recognised the slight twitch to his fixed jaw, a sign of nerves. The exact trait his father still had. Both appearing firm, confident on the outside for all to see, apart from those who really loved them. 

Charles looked at Molly and gave her a knowing look. He'd seen it too. He made no comment. 

Sam came smartly up to his father and saluted. Ever the young s

Second Lieutenant that he was. 

Charles acknowledge him with a curt 'James', but there was a smile to his eyes and a definite look of pride to his whole countenance. 

Sam bent to kiss Molly, careful avoiding waking the two girls. 

"Thanks for coming. Can't be easy with these two rug rats." He teased. 

"Wouldn't miss it." Molly laughed at him and hit his arm, but he skilful dodge out of the way. She couldn't sometimes believe just how much like his father he had become. Close to the age when she had first met Charles, she saw so much of him in the young man who stood before her. So young and so green, but she tried not to dwell on that. She pushed her fears aside for all involved. 

"Everything ok?" Charles asked his voice perhaps a little bit lower, his face showing just a little bit of concern. This was Sam's first deployment, helping to be in charge of a section that looked as young as the under fives had looked all those many years ago to Charles. 

Charles knew how his son would be feeling. So many emotions, all truly unable to be expressed. He had to remain firm and very neutral, a source of calmness for his men. He could not feed their fears, anxieties, by displaying any of his own. 

"Yeah. All good thank you. Just a few more pointers then the section photos." He trailed off searching the room. Missing the look that passed between Molly and Charles. 

Their first ever encounter had been during the section's team photo. Something she had always kept, and no matter where she had gone in her life, how much she had wanted to forget, it had always gone with her. She thought she was silly, but was surprised when Charles after all those years apart admitted to her that very photograph had never left his wallet. It was a reminder of all that was good in his life. A reminder of how it started. A section photograph that had Molly in. 

"He said he'd be here." Sam continued, checking his watch. Molly saw the pain in his face as he feared he wouldn't get to say goodbye. 

Then suddenly he was there. Andy, Sam's long term boyfriend. Someone they hadn't know about until the last six months or so, despite them being together for over two years. But since then they had got to know him very well. 

Sam had been totally frightened to tell his father that he was gay. Something though, as it turned out, and in a way no one expected, it didn't bother him at all. Like Molly all Charles wanted was for Sam to be happy. 

Andy rushed through the crowds, easy to spot tall like Sam, immaculate in his business suit, looking around for Sam. As he saw him, caught his eye, a smile beamed across his face. One of pure love. The same smile Charles still gave Molly and it still caused her knees to go weak. 

So mindful, rightly or wrongly, of where they were, they didn't rush into each other arm. Declare their undying love, they merely just hugged like old friends do. No one was offended, no biases identified, no protocols broken. 

"You made it." Sam gleaned as Andy shook Charles' hand, before reaching over to peck Molly. She loved all this male attention, happy to be the centre of three very good looking men's worlds. Wondering how she'd become so lucky, her life was perfect. 

They all chatted as old friends and new friends do. All at ease with each other. From the day Sam had come, shy apologetic scared to speak to them about his sexuality, Charles had made it clear it just didn't matter. He listened to his son though as he explained he had tried, experimented even, but he just knew where his heart lay. That was just the way he was. Shock initially from them both , but no remorse, no questioning why, no outrage. Just love. Charles and Molly just accepted Sam for who he was and the life choices that he had. They told him they loved him for who he was, proud of him no matter who he'd fallen in love with. He still was and always would be their Sam. And soon in their lives it became their Sam and his Andy that they learned to love. The funny happy soul who adored Sam in every way possible, and who was soon to become one of their family on his return from deployment. 

Too soon, as it always happens in these situations, the time came to say the final goodbyes. Sam and Andy had done their intimate ones privately the night before, today was just an addition to their separation. Manly hugs therefore from father and lover, pathetic clingy ones from Molly. She cried, just like she used to cry when she saw Charles off, but tried to be brave. Sam was brave however for them all and as they watched him walk way the three of them moved closer to each other to fill the void he'd already left in their lives. Turning once he was touched by the perfect tableaux of the people he loved the most in the world, united and together to support each from here on in. He felt buoyed, ready to face the next six months and all it would to throw at him. 

They stayed, although they never saw him again until his plane took off. Andy leaving quickly, saying he'd had to get back to work, but they both saw how his eyes had glazed over. Charles placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, squeezing, inviting him over for supper at the weekend. Andy accepted and then was gone, both of them knew he'd need time, time alone to mourn Sam's departure. Then he'd hope, and watch, and wait until his return. They could only be there for him support him as their families had once supported them. 

"Can't believe they're asleep. Together at the same time." Charles laughed as he dumped himself down in the chair.

Molly already lounging on the settee, relishing her free time, patted the space next to her. "Come here." She pleaded. 

He moved to her instantly, pulling her into him. Quietly they sat, then feeling his sleeve become damp he looked down. She was crying. 

"Hey, hey. None of that. He will be fine you know. I was, you were. Besides it's not as if it's anywhere dangerous." He squeezed her into him. He knew this would happen she'd almost held it together so well at Brize. Bright and sunny on the way home, but he knew his Molly and her love for Sam. He knew she'd break eventually. 

"I know but he's so young. I don't know. Wasn't that long ago that we used to have water fights and birthday parties with pass the parcel for him. Now look at him, all grown up, and about to be married." At her final words she sobbed. 

It was a while before she became calmer. He said nothing, he just loved her tightly, his eyes once or twice misting over too, remembering the boy he used to be, and not the man he was. The fun they all used to have together, and despite the gap, those missing years Molly had been good for Sam, and the bond they had would always be special. 

"Just promise me we'll never let the girls grow up...or leave home... or get boyfriends." She raised her head off his chest and looked pleasingly into his eyes. "Promise?" 

"Oh I don't know if I can do that Dawes." He teased. Then seeing her eyes gloss over again he tipped her head and kissed her nose. "Ok then I'll promise." 

"Good." She frowned back. "Any way even if you hadn't I know what I could do." 

"What's that." He asked shifting them both so they lay side by side next to each other on the couch. 

"I'll just keep having your babies. One a year." She announced. 

He stared at her, so unsure. 

"You want another kid?" There was nothing more than he would want, he'd want a dozen more with Molly as each and every one they had was a perfect part of her and their love. 

"Well yes, just not now, not for a while. I'd prefer not to be a whale at Sam's wedding. Rebecca wouldn't be able to stop herself if I was. Clapping her hands in glee and all that." She giggled as he brushed his nose down into her neck. 

"There is that." He moaned back his voice barely audible as he continued to smatter her neck with tiny kisses. 

"But maybe after that. Just one more?" She asked. She knew he'd not say no, not just cause he loved the practicing it would mean they had to do in order to make a new baby, but because he really really did love kids and was a great Dad to them all. 

"Ok Dawes. One more." And he set to work kissing her body, desire flaring in him. 

Her neck not enough flesh for him to kiss. He heard her moan and felt her body move into his, a green light to his groin. 

"God I bloody love you Molly." He growled. 

"Ditto."

Was all she managed before she was claimed by him and they became lost in the passion they had for each other. The passion and love they had for each other now and always would have.


End file.
